Chapter 29: The Dragon's Wrath

Chapter 29: The Dragon's Wrath

A Chapter by Gosia

Riada Swamp, Callesmere Empire


Dust filled the chamber, the debris were flying all around Eren’s head. The boy grabbed May’s hand, when the girl began submerging herself in the triangular mirror.

The crimson light flashed in the room and Aedain transformed back into his usual form. The demon glared at the group gathered at the mirror and dashed forward after Eren and disappearing May. Aedain locked his target on �" Eren was holding May’s hand, the only part of her body which was still outside the mirror; very quickly it vanished inside as well though. The demon cursed and used his speed to get to the pair.

Eren gasped, when he felt a strong pull from behind �" Aedain grabbed the child’s collar and began pulling him backwards. The boy yelped, scared and startled that his captor got him. His hand was already in the mirror, still clutching May’s palm, but Eren knew that he wouldn’t follow May, not when Aedain got a hold of him. If he didn’t let go now, May would be captured again.

The child reached with his free hand to the sapphire necklace on his neck and pulled it forcefully, till the golden chain gave way. Eren threw the object with all his strength into the misty surface of the mirror and flexed his fingers; he felt his palm slipping out of May’s. A second later the boy fell back, losing the hold of his friend. The surface of the mirror became clear and solid, so that Eren could see himself and Aedain reflecting in the looking glass �" the passageway closed, swallowing May and the Key.

                Aedain jumped onto the surface of the mirror, wanting to follow May wherever she vanished, but the strange pool of opaque liquid turned into plain looking glass already. The mirror beneath the demon’s feet cracked like thin ice and erupted, shattering into tiny pieces. The tiny fragments of silvery glass whirled around startled Aedain as though wind carried them away and they returned to its original place in the massive diamond frame. The pieces of mirror settled like fragments of puzzle and joined into one again.

                The demon let go off Eren, roughly dumping the child onto the floor and stalked towards the mirror. He slammed its surface with his fist forcefully, but the looking glass neither shattered nor budged.

                Fury burned in him like a raging fire before, but what he witnessed just a moment ago made Aedain absolutely livid. The demon turned away from the mirror and looked at the people crouching among the debris. His gaze slid over terrified Eren and focused on witch Lavena, who was pulling herself up to the sitting position.

                “Where is she?” Aedain asked, his voice shaking from all the anger and murder lust he felt.

                Lavena bravely met his gaze, lifting her chin.

                “The girl is gone. She’s out of your reach now,” she answered, her pale smile mocking Aedain.

                The demon gritted his teeth and growled, clenching his fist.

                “Gone where?” he demanded, his voice raspy. He glared at the witch intensely. “I asked where!”

                Lavena laughed shortly, standing up. Her robe was tattered, she had a nasty cut on her cheek, but also a great deal of satisfaction; after all she had just saved the world. She looked at the furious Aedain with a wide smile on her face.

                “Well, I suppose I could satisfy your curiosity. It’s not like you could follow her anyway,” the witch said, getting Aedain’s undivided attention. “I just returned her where she belongs.”

                Aedain furrowed his brows, not fully comprehending of what the witch meant.

                “What? What are you talking about, old hag?” he demanded, a look of confusion creeping onto his face.

                Lavena smirked knowingly.

                “You see, dragon prince, this girl was a stray traveler from the other world, the place beyond the Veil,” the witch explained with satisfaction, seeing Aedain surprised. “The portal is closed now and it can’t be opened without the Key. To say it short, you’ll never get the girl.”

                Aedain gasped. The Key? What was the old hag talking about? His precious Key was right here, the boy had it.

                “Where do you think you are going?” the demon hissed out as he pinpointed Eren, who was trying to discreetly crawl away. Aedain swiftly got to the terrified child and roughly grabbed him by his collar. Eren yelped, when the demon’s sharp claws hurriedly grazed the back of his neck, searching for the golden chain of his necklace. When he found none, Aedain narrowed his eyes. “Where is it? Where is my Key?”

                Eren was trembling, fearing the intimidating demon who could snap his neck in a moment. Aedain was angry, but the boy knew that he was about to get as furious as it gets. Eren swallowed a lump in his throat and looked into Aedain’s golden eyes, bravely sustaining the eye-contact.

                “I threw it away,” he said, attempting to sound confident and proud, but failing miserably as his voice kept cracking. “I threw it into the portal so that you would never get it.”

                Aedain stared blankly at the child who had just proudly announced to him how he had thwarted his plan. Suddenly it all became clear to him. The sapphire necklace was supposed to be the key opening the place, where the Dragonslayer’s Spear had been hidden, the very same key had been used to open the portal to the world beyond the Veil. The demon was positive it was no coincidence �" the Spear must have been laid to rest there, in a place which was so difficult to reach. When he finally knew where the Spear’s chamber was…

                The demon growled, realizing that without the cursed necklace the portal would not open ever again; the doorway to the Spear, to his long-awaited power, to his great destiny had been closed forever. All because of two weak females and a child… Aedain focused all his rage that began building in him anew on the witch and the child. He glared at the two trembling persons mercilessly.

                “You two are dying right now,” Aedain announced in a terrifyingly calm voice.

                Eren’s honey-colored eyes widened as the demon unsheathed one of his swords, setting his eyes on him. The scared child whimpered and hastily made a step back, but he tripped and fell down. Eren stared at Aedain, petrified, as the demon approached him, ready to perform the execution. The child’s heart felt as though it desperately wanted to escape his ribcage; he tried to move, to try escape, but his body was so stiff that he couldn’t move an inch. Eren could only helplessly observe the nearing death. When he saw Aedain lift his sword, the boy squeezed his eyes shut, praying for the end to be swift and painless. He heard the characteristic sound as the blade cut through the air, nearing his head.

                Eren sharply inhaled the air, holding the breath in, waiting. The time flew awfully slowly, the split seconds dragging on like minutes… The boy felt that his lungs began burning and he drew a desperate breath, instinctively opening his eyes.

                The child was still frozen in place; he stared up, surprised that he was still alive. The blade of Aedain’s sword Sholais was an inch away from his neck, Eren could nearly feel the touch of cold steel. The boy blinked, confused. Why Aedain stopped the sword? Why did he hesitate?

                The long-haired demon was standing still like a statue, not moving a muscle. The rage slowly vanished from his face to be replaced by surprise and confusion. He furrowed his brows as a disturbing feeling stirred inside him.

Someone was approaching.

                “Hm?” Aedain grunted, focusing on the strange sensation; who- or whatever was coming, they were powerful and most probably hostile. The demon cursed mentally �" just when he thought that his day could not get any worse, it did. Aedain glanced down, looking at the damaged and bloodied armor. His right shoulder had been pierced by a spear and right now blood was sipping from the wound. The pain was bearable, but the movements of his arm were seriously limited, wielding a sword was out of question. To add to his misery, every breath he took was excruciating as the damnable woman had pierced his lung with her knife, only barely missing his heart. Aedain hissed from frustration. “No, not now.”

                Eren hurriedly crawled away from Aedain, taking advantage of the moment of distraction. The child pulled himself up and ran to witch Lavena, who was barely standing, clutching the big mirror’s frame for support. Eren’s gaze was wandering between Aedain and the old woman; both of them had focused, distant expressions on their faces as though what had happened a while ago became meaningless for them. The boy gasped, when he felt something as well �" it was a brief dark feeling, the one he had always referred to as his instinct. Perhaps it wasn’t instinct at all, maybe it was an inherited ability which was in him along with his demon blood. Eren stiffened as the feeling was becoming stronger, nearly suffocating him with its intensity.

                Suddenly, the air temperature rose and twin flames appeared right in the middle of the debris-filled chamber. The fire was burning brightly, but Eren gazed at it, squinting his eyes. In the flames he discerned two human-like silhouettes. They became more defined as the fire subsided, although it looked more like those persons were absorbing the raging element, incorporating it in their bodies. When the fire burned out, Eren could clearly see the two newcomers.

                In front of him two slender men were standing. They were identical �" Eren couldn’t tell them apart no matter how hard he tried. Both of them had amazingly red hair, which was in a constant movement as though it consisted of flames. Their faces were beautiful, as were their ideal slim bodies. The creatures, which had just emerged from the fire, were the most graceful beings Eren had ever seen. They were so beautiful, ethereal and delicate that they could be mistaken for guardian spirits. Perhaps a human could be fooled by their looks, but Eren could feel the air of heartless cruelty around them, there was evil in front of him.

                The newcomers calmly looked at Aedain, witch Lavena, Eren and the huge triangular mirror, the only whole object in the destroyed chamber. The faces of strangers bore the focused expressions.

                “The passage is no longer open. We are late,” one of them said in an aloof voice.

                “Too bad,” the other twin replied indifferently. “The master will be disappointed.”

                Aedain clenched his teeth, eying the two identical creatures suspiciously. He gripped the handle of his sword firmer .

                “Who are you?” he demanded harshly, his muscles tense and ready to spring into a fight.

                The twins didn’t answer him, they treated the dragon as though they didn’t notice his existence. For some reason their eyes were set on Eren right now.

                “What do you want here?” Aedain hissed out, his voice betraying the raising anger; the dark-haired demon hated being ignored.

                One of the newcomers turned his head towards him and smiled politely, making Aedain snarl.

                “We were sent here to bring our master two things:  the Dragonslayer’s Spear and a dragon,” he replied, still smiling at Aedain.

                “Unfortunately we will have to settle on only a dragon though,” the other twin said. “Now put your sword down and come with us, dragon.”

                Aedain glared at the duo, lifting his sword and assuming a battle stance.

                “I do not think so,” he answered proudly, giving the twins a hint that if they wanted him, they would have to defeat his. The black-haired demon narrowed his eyes at his adversaries, noticing that they didn’t seem to be intimidated in a slightest. Then a disturbing suspicion crept into his mind, there was an answer he needed despite being almost sure of what it would be. “Who gives you orders?”

                The twins smirked. Suddenly the ring of fire surrounded the remains of Lavena’s tower, cutting the escape route off.

                “You will meet him soon enough, son of Keallach,” they replied simultaneously.

                The black-haired demon gritted his teeth, feeling insulted. He lifted his chin proudly.

“Your master is a cowards then. Is so he afraid to show here personally that he sent two pathetic excuses of warriors?”

                The twins didn’t react at the mockery, the polite smiles never leaving their delicate faces. They tilted their heads, moving as though they were one, looking at Aedain with a mix of pity and amusement.

                “You are not worth our master’s time, dragon. You are barely worth ours,” they told Aedain in one voice.

                The black-haired man growled at the insult, glaring daggers at the duo. He was nearly shaking with fury, ignoring the dull pain from his injuries.

                “I will show you how much I am worth,” he hissed out through the clenched teeth, readying to attack.

                Then, Aedain charged at his opponents, using his unnatural speed. He smirked, swinging his sword Sholais; his pathetic adversaries were so slow that they didn’t manage to even begin dodging or parrying. His sword was already nearly touching one of the twins’ neck when both of the red-haired  beings vanished.

                Aedain gasped when his sword cut air instead of beheading his opponent. How? When? What was happening? Confused, he whirled around, searching for the missing duo. When he was in the middle of the movement, Aedain discerned a blur and one of the opponents suddenly appeared in front of him so quickly that the dragon could not even tell when they did it.

                One of the red-haired creatures outstretched its arm in a lazy gesture. However, it was truly fast, even Aedain with all his speed could be only a helpless spectator as a delicate-looking fist approached his solar plexus and collided with it with an astounding force. The black-haired demon choked when the air fled his lungs and his whole body had been thrown back like a rag doll. Almost instantly he felt a blow in the back, which sent him on his knees.

                Aedain was coughing blood as he supported himself with his sword. Terrible pain was shooting through his body, but what suffered the greatest injury was his pride �" he, Aedain, son of Kaellach was the strongest out of his clan, so far he never met his match. And yet, this two harmlessly looking creatures were toying with him like he was some common weakling. The black haired demon gathered his remaining strength and pulled himself up, facing his opponents once again.

                “Not giving up yet?” one of the red-haired twins mocked Aedain, casually resting his hands on his hips.

                Aedain smiled humorlessly.

                “I never give up,” he informed his opponents.

                “Very well,” the duo said in chorus and leapt onto the black-haired man. The twins’ movements were symmetric like images in a mirror. They flanked Aedain and lifted their legs to deliver kicks. However, the dragon was expecting such attack and evaded it by jumping high into the air. He fell onto one of his opponents like a hawk onto a mouse, but the red-haired enemy swiftly moved out of the way. Aedain fluently changed the direction of attack and swung at the other one once he firmly landed on the ground. For a good while the black-haired demon was dancing around the duo, searching for a weakness, but they kept dodging his attacks with ease.

                Finally Aedain stilled, keeping a wary look on the opponents. He was able to read the twins’ movements, but he was certain that the two did not even fight close to their full potential. He had an idea how to bring them down, but it would be risky �" he would have only one chance to attack. The demon felt blood seeping from his body, along with a considerable portion of his strength and stamina.

Aedain braced himself and made an inviting gesture towards his enemies, provoking them to attack him. The duo didn’t hesitate �" they rushed onto the demon the same way they did before �" flanking him. That was what the black-haired man was waiting for. He swung his sword at them, purposely making them approach him and dance around himself. He was spending nearly all his energy to keep up with the terribly fast opponent and to avoid their powerful blows �" Aedain was certain that one of those would be enough to knock him out.

Finally the red-haired twins performed just the type of attack Aedain was waiting for; they attempted to land their kicks on his right side both from the front and behind. The demon clenched his teeth, prepared for what was to come and let them strike. His nerves flared and for a split second his vision darkened as the legs of his opponents easily shattered his ribs.

Surprise flashed on the duo’s faces, when Aedain pressed their legs to his side with the injured right arm. The black-haired demon smirked, overcoming the pain. Trapping the enemies’ limbs, he swung Sholais, making use of the moment he had the advantage. The red-haired creatures had no chance to neither dodge nor fight back, when Aedain’s sword went through her bodies like through butter, slicing them in half. The corpses fell to the ground limply.

Aedain exhaled with relief and smiled to himself, self-satisfaction filling his heart. The demon carefully touched his side and winced �" at least four of his ribs were broken. Mentally cursing the pain, he sheathed Sholais and turned his back to the defeated enemies. It was a difficult battle and required some sacrifice, but at least it was not in vain.

                The demon set his gaze on the old witch and the child, who were observing the battle all the time. He smirked, seeing the terrified looks on their faces �" after all they had just seen how powerful he, Aedain, was. Eren pointed her finger at him and moved his lips a couple of times as though he was trying to say something to Aedain, but no words escaped his throat. The boy was pale like a wraith.

                “B-b-behind you!” Eren exclaimed.

                Aedain acted on instinct �" he whirled around, drawing his sword Sholais. As he moved, the pain in his side flared again, reminding him how much he was injured.

                “What…” Aedain uttered, startled, looking at the corpses of the fallen enemies. Much to his horror, the fire erupted from the carcasses. He squinted his eyes. When the flames subsided, the bodies of red-haired creatures were whole again, without a slightest mark of the lethal injuries Aedain inflicted. Both of them gracefully landed back on their feet, identical smiles adorning their sickeningly perfect faces.

                “You will have to try harder to injure us,” the duo said in one voice.

                Aedain took a step back, his confidence shattering. His thoughts began racing in his mind: he had done his best to defeat them, used all of the strength he had and yet, those monsters healed like it was nothing. What was he supposed to do now? He could use only one arm, the broken ribs slowed his movements… Only one thing remained.

                The black-haired man hid Sholais back to its sheath and took a step back. He focused as crimson winding lines began appearing on his skin. Blood in his veins was pulsing when the transformation began. Suddenly immense pain swept through his body, making the aching ribs pale in comparison. It lasted for only a brief moment though �" soon enough his bones changed their shape, the skin hardened as he assumed the shape he was born with.

                The crimson dragon roared, challenging his opponents. He didn’t waste his time and strength on pointless dance �" he breathed fire onto those two pests who refused to die. Surprisingly enough, the twins didn’t make a move to avoid the fire �" they let themselves be engulfed in the raging flames. Aedain roared with anger, when he saw that his dragon fire didn’t inflict any damage on the duo.

                 The red-haired adversaries laughed lightly and counterattacked. A rain of blows and kicks fell on Aedain from all directions. The enemies’ speed and strength was so great, that he could barely defend himself. Every attempt to ward them off with his tail, rip them apart with the jaws or claws came simply too late and was in vain. Aedain sent a wave of fire once again and regretted it soon enough. The deadly duo simply absorbed the flames and their speed increased, giving the dragon no chance to keep up with them. He took one blow after another, not making any move to parry them.

                When one of the twins rushed to attack him once again, Aedain did the only thing he could �" he assumed his human-like form, becoming a smaller target. He landed on the ground, but his legs weren’t able to support his weight anymore. He fell onto the dirt limply, breathing with effort. Blood obscured his vision. His body was broken and bleeding, there was no more power in his muscles. Nevertheless, Aedain slowly began pulling himself up, groaning from the unbearable pain.

                “He is still alive!” one of the red-haired men mocked the dragon, approaching him.

                “It is time to change it,” the other enemy said, looking at Aedain with amusement. He readied himself to charge at the wounded dragon, but suddenly froze. He withdrew his attention from Aedain, gazing north. “It seems that Master has grown impatient.”

                Aedain coughed, spitting blood, and drew his sword. He glared at his opponents, refusing to go down without his dignity. His armor was in pieces, a pool of blood forming beneath his feet. The right arm hung limply, the formerly injured shoulder dislocated. His skin became bluish from all the bruises. Despite his pitiful condition, the dragon assumed a battle stance. He was born to be a warrior and if he had to die here, so be it, but he wanted to do it fighting. Aedain’s dulled senses barely sensed another powerful presence approaching.

                The demon heard a characteristic sound of swinging of leathery wings. Half-expecting the newcomer to be Baltar, Aedain whirled around. However, the tiniest spark of hope died in his heart when the person turned out not to be his faithful comrade, but a stranger �" the one who sent the flaming indestructible creatures here. The winged man landed between the twin fire warriors, who bowed their heads respectfully before him and stepped back, leaving their master with Aedain.

                “Looks you have only one arm left to hold a sword, son of Kaellach,” the stranger said in a raspy voice which sounded so raw as though the man had his throat slit. 

                Aedain narrowed his eyes, observing the new enemy, but it was hard to tell if he met him before or not for the winged man had a dark, grey cloth draped around his rather short frame. His face was hidden, but Aedain had a feeling that the man’s presence was familiar, it seemed to link with memories of years long gone.

                “You have grown, Aedain,” the stranger said, removing his hood and revealing his face.

The face of the man before Aedain looked like from a nightmare, monstrously disfigured barely resembling a face at all. The skin looked like melted wax. Instead of nose and ears there were only hollow holes, the skull was hairless, bearing the marks of severe burns. Thick scars were a final touch to the mask of a massacred man.

Aedain furrowed his brows, searching his memory, but the stranger was not familiar at all. The long-haired demon was certain that such face would be remembered.

                “Mind telling me who the hell you are?” Aedain coughed out, struggling to straighten his back.

                The stranger chuckled.

                “So you don’t even recognize me,” he stated, shaking his head and smiling in a way which could be considered friendly under different circumstances. “Well, I don’t blame you �" after all I was much more handsome before my dear friend Kaellach almost killed me.”

                Aedain snorted.

                “Poor you then,” the demon prince mocked the opponent. “I still don’t get it what your misfortune has to do with me. ”

                The winged stranger smiled widely, taking a step towards Aedain.

                “You see, Aedain, I swore to myself to destroy everything your father held dear: his precious peace treaty, his kingdom, his family. It seems that you are the last on my list, so unfortunately you will have to die in a moment,” the man said, his voice calm.

                “You talk like that deranged Zhawn,” Aedain gritted his teeth, glaring at the opponent. When his father’s old enemy’s name rolled off his tongue, a realization hit the dragon prince with full strength. Those scars, the burns… they matched perfectly to the injuries the late king Kaellach inflicted on his greatest adversary - Zhawn. But… Aedain set his gaze on the stranger, searching his distorted face for Zhawn’s features. “My father killed Zhawn eight decades ago, you can’t be him.”

                The stranger snapped his fingers.

                “Surprise!” he exclaimed. “It seems I outlived Kaellach after all. And I have every intention to outlive you too, Aedain. Now, let’s get it over with. I don’t have the whole day to waste it on you.”

                Zhawn stretched his clawed fingers and clenched his fists, reading to advance on Aedain bare-handed. One swift jump and he was at the dragon prince’s side already.

                Aedain lifted his sword, but he was too slow; Zhawn effortlessly snatched his wrist and twisted it. The dragon prince yelled from pain. Sholais’s handle slipped out of his fingers. laughed and gave the arm a yank. Aedain hissed, as he had been forced on his knees. His torturer grabbed his arm with both hands and began squeezing it. The black-haired demon was yelling as the bones were shattering.

                Aedain was barely conscious when he felt strong fingers close on his throat. Suddenly they dug into the skin of his neck, cutting off the air. Aedain’s vision darkened, as his life began abandoning him. The pain was getting duller, more distant as numbness overcame him. The spark of life was fading.

                Suddenly a whiz resounded in the air as something flew towards Zhawn. The enemy abruptly turned in that direction, leaving Aedain to fall limply to the ground.

                The red-haired fire creatures jumped to shield their master from the new threat.

                “Who is tha…” one of them began, but his words were cut off as his head fell to the ground.

                The other twin gasped and assumed a defensive stance, but the returning axe swept his head off his neck as well..

                “Get away from the prince,” the newcomer said to Zhawn, his fingers sliding over his bald head.

                Eren’s honey-colored eyes widened, when he recognized the man.

                “That’s Baltar!” he whispered to Lavena.

                Baltar skillfully snatched the returning battle axe and weighed it in his hands, looking at the half-conscious Aedain, who was laying in the pool of his own blood, injured and defeated. The bald man narrowed his eyes at Zhawn. Baltar paled a little, obviously recognizing the enemy from the war long ago, but kept his composure.

                “I’m gonna kill you for that,” he suddenly yelled and rushed straight at Zhawn, running past the headless red-haired duo.

                Baltar attacked Zhawn fiercely, expertly operating with his weapon, dodging swiftly as for a man his size. He managed to drag the adversary away from Aedain, constantly parrying blows and kicks while trying to get through the enemy’s defense and kill him. The bald demon was focused on is opponent, withstanding his speed and overwhelming force. However, he didn’t notice something else.

                Aedain moaned, barely feeling all his limbs through the excruciating pain; in his condition every breath was a challenge. A flash of light woke him from the numb state of half-death. He struggled to open his eyes, the eyelids felt as they were heavy like boulders. His vision was blurry, but he saw his comrade Baltar fighting Zhawn. He was doing fairly well, but Aedain could tell that he wouldn’t last very long now. The black-haired dragon used all his willpower to lift himself to the sitting position. It was more difficult than it seemed; his left arm was nothing but a shapeless bloody pulp now while the right shoulder was dislocated. Panting heavily, Aedain lifted his gaze.

                A gasp stuck in his throat, when the demon saw one of the red-haired monsters attach the cut off head back on its place and leap onto Baltar from behind.

                “Watch out!” Aedain yelled, his voice raspy, but it was already too late for his comrade.

                Baltar received a heavy kick in his head and was sent flying in the rumble. He wasn’t moving for a while, until his fingers twitched. The cruel duo was already walking in his direction, about to finish him off.

                Aedain clenched his teeth, eying  his sword Sholais which was laying right beside him. If only he had an arm to wield it… The twins were almost at Baltar’s side.

                The black-haired man braced himself and with all his strength, he slammed himself into a fragment of a wall behind his back. His head was spinning from the pain, but he repeated the movement. This time he heard a characteristic sound as his joint popped into the right place. He snatched the sword and somehow got on his feet.

                “Your fight is with me!” he called to the red-haired creatures.

                Both of them spun around, genuinely surprised that Aedain was still willing to fight. They exchanged serious looks before smirking evilly.

                “As you wish,” they chanted in a chorus.

                “No!” Zhawn interrupted his minions, clenching his fist. “He’s mine.”

                Lavena brought Eren closer, covering the child’s eyes as Zhawn attacked Aedain. The dark-haired man tried to fight back, but he didn’t stand a chance against his father’s old enemy. For some time Zhawn was dancing around, toying with Aedain and sending him mocking blows. Then Zhawn flexed his fingers, the razor-sharp claws gleamed in the light of sun. Smirking cruelly, he slashed across Aedain’s chest, carving a deep wound into his flesh. The dragon fell into dirt, his chest rising less with every breath. He coughed blood one last time, his eyes becoming glassy. Finally he ceased breathing and stilled.

                Eren peeked from under Lavena’s shoulder, her eyes widening in terror when she saw Aedain’s motionless form.

                “Kaellach, I took everything you loved from you, just as you did it to me, ” Zhawn said and shook the droplets of Aedain’s blood from his fingers.


© 2013 Gosia

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And we've got some more a@# kicking redheads!
Yes it was nice to see Aedain get owned, but i don't think he learned any humility and never really grew any as a character. So his death definitely didn't feel like a tragedy, despite the tragic elements in his storyline. Still it did kind of sting a bit that he's dead after we spent so much time getting to know him, i kind of wanted him to be trapped somewhere getting whipped, maybe I'm bad. It also kinda sucked that it was someone more evil than him that took him down. No righteous revenge, no lesson learned, just a continuation of the cycle of badness. (sucked not as in the story was bad, but more like it would suck to live in this fairytale).

It does leave you open for the next big antagonist since there's going to be a second portal opening in the next year. As big a part as Zhawn plays here in the final moments, I wish we had more mention of him in the previous chapters. We've go the one where Aedain tells the story, but it would have nice to have him present in off-hand conversation throughout, so we've got some foreshadowing and he doesn't feel like he's coming out of left-field. That's just my thoughts.

All in all, it's been an entertaining read. I especially liked this last stretch! You had me hooked there: I had to read it once through just enjoying it then come back and analyze it a bit for constructive comments. I love the world you've created and the complicated shades of grey in your antagonists. But most of all I love the comedic elements in May's stream of thought, she's a very endearing character. Nice job!

Posted 10 Years Ago


10 Years Ago

Trapped while getting whipped... that's just kinky, J. Although I believe that many of the female re.. read more
JR Darewood

10 Years Ago

So long as you didn't want the reader to feel much for him, that's cool. Death is just not as satisf.. read more

10 Years Ago

Now that would be just pure comedy.

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Added on October 1, 2013
Last Updated on October 1, 2013




Hello, my name is unpronounceable for most of humankind, but fortunately it can be shortened to Gosia. I’m an university student in my twenties, about to face the real life very soon. I’ve.. more..

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