Chapter 2: The Lady

  The Lady

 

 

 

May slowly opened her eyes and sat up. She felt like crap, her whole body aching all over. Rubbing her eyes she looked around. It took a while for her eyesight to adjust to the dimness of the room, though the oil lamps hanging on the wall shed enough light to see everything around her well enough.

 

Gazing around her she noticed she was in a large room decorated strangely, something like a combination between a traditional Japanese home and then as if some crazy interior decorator had come in and thrown Viking sculptures in the room. She felt  like she was in a museum in some castle, perhaps an exhibition room or something. The room had very little furniture in it, just a low table with cushions instead of chairs and a large bed on a pedestal, barely visible from under the pile of  what looked to be very colorful pillows. The stone walls were beautifully painted with colorful birds and cherry blossoms and the transparent curtains billowed in the wind, which invaded the chamber from outside. The bed, where May was lying, was of a very  impressive size, even though the girl had to share it with at least thirty pillows. What was this place? Why was she here?

 

Suddenly, May paled as she remembered what happened earlier in Mr. Hatchets’ basement.

 

The mirror.

 

May felt a shiver go down her spine and her body stiffen in horror.

 

This must be a dream. I was just so tired from all the work and must have fallen asleep. Just a dream, nothing to worry about… I’ll wake up in a minute or so.

 

She repeated the mantra in her head. The girl  sat  on the bed motionlessly, her breathing quickened and her heart began to pound faster with every passing second. Her  palms began shaking  and sweating as the disturbing image refused to go away no matter how many times she blinked her eyes. To make matters worse, the longer she stared at everything , the more real it seemed. May could now clearly make out  every detail of the foreign chamber and felt the all too real light drafts upon her face. Her clothes rustled, as the wind moved the fabric. Every sensation was so real… She never had a dream like this. May reached with a  trembling hand to her cheek and pinched it, praying  to wake up from the nightmare. ..

 

“Ouch!” she hissed from the pain, her heart was now pumping the blood at such high speed that her ears felt like they were going to explode.  Panic began overpowering her brain, when a disturbing suspicion crept into her mind.

 

What if I’m awake?

 

Slowly, as if in a trance, the girl reached for her hair and discovered that it was very long, running far past her waist. She grabbed a handful of it, pulled forcefully and winced from the pain �" there was no doubt �" it wasn’t a wig. May’s eyes widened, as she came to the realization.

 

“It’s not a dream,” May whispered in shock. What was going on?

 

She felt a growing feeling of panic settle into her stomach, but she refused to lose her cool. She had to find that cursed mirror �" whatever had happened, it began after she had looked into the mirror. She scanned the room with her eyes and found it. There it was! Resting on a desk. May got up to reach for it and nearly fell down. Angrily, she looked down and noticed that she wasn’t wearing her summer dress anymore, instead she was dressed in some fancy dress �" many layers of one, actually. It resembled the outfits she saw in movies about the Middle Ages in China though it had a definite European influence with the corset, which made it hard to breathe..

 

This has got to be some joke, she thought and waddled over to the mirror. She grabbed it quickly and gave it her best threatening glare, willing it to fix the situation. She wanted this awfully real-looking dream, this illusion, whatever it was, to stop. Now. May narrowed her eyes at the surface of the mirror. Nothing happened. Well, nothing except that she was able to take in her slightly different face. Aside from the long hair, her skin looked better, as though she had been using some expensive cosmetics,  and she looked like some strange princess from a confused Asian-European Middle Ages with a thin golden circlet on her head.

 

When she spotted a large mirror in the corner of the chamber, she rushed to it, so that she could see more of her changed self. She did a slow spin before  it to take a good look at the dress she was wearing. The silk rustled as she moved around. May outstretched her arms, staring the wide sleeves made of the several layers of the thin pink fabric. The dark-purple corset of the gown was richly embroidered with golden thread and little pearls, that created an elaborate pattern. May carefully set the mirror aside and walked over to the door, hoping to see something familiar.

 

She opened it slowly, and gasped. Before her very eyes was the most beautiful garden she had ever seen �" covered in colorful blooming flowers of all shades, it was as if a magical scene was unfolding before her. Despite the dim light the colors were incredibly vibrant, being a feast to her eyes. The plants had been carefully shaped so that every single flower was a part of the gardener’s masterpiece, perfectly fitting into its right place. The bright light of the moon and stars wonderfully illuminated the area. The garden itself was not very spacious, as it was surrounded by brick walls, as though the architect had intended to make it a private place where no one would bother its owner. Hesitantly, May took a few steps forward, admiring the way stars were reflected in a little pond. She was so enticed by the beauty of her surroundings, that she almost forgot about panicking. Looking up, she gazed at the sky. The night sky was much brighter than expected. In fact she had never seen, the  moon and stars  shine so intensely. She was admiring the multitude of the bright tiny dots in the sky, when an alarming feeling began creeping into her mind.

 

Something was wrong. But not wrong, as if in waking up in a strange place with long hair and fancy dress, it was something else she couldn’t put her finger on. She blinked, thinking intensely about it. Then, her eyes widened and she let out a shocked gasp.

 

The Stars.

 

There was a fairly normal moon in  the sky, but the stars… they were different. At the first glance they hadn't looked  suspicious, but now glancing again the constellations were all wrong. May knew most of the most basic ones from books, like Great Bear and Orion, but she couldn’t find them in  this night sky. They were simply gone, replaced by some other arrangement.

 

May legs gave way and she limply fell to the ground. She sat motionlessly and stared in front of her, her brain having  difficulty comprehending what was going on.

 

The reality of the illusion, the pain, when she pinched herself or pulled her hair… and the stars. There was no way her mind could have devised such crazy situation on its own. The girl covered her mouth with her hand , feeling nauseous. Some small voice in the back of her head told her, that perhaps that she wasn't in Maryland anymore. And it also meant that she was screwed. May snorted, all of a sudden feeling amused �" it had to be be out of fear.

 

“No kidding,” She muttered.

 

The girl stood up and made a series of  calming breaths. She began pacing all over the garden, as the sky began lighting up in the east and the first of the sun rays began illuminating her surroundings.

 

May shook her head in disbelief, considering her options. The situation was far too freaky to be some normal dream. Either she was mentally ill or was in some freaking Narnia. Or on another planet. At the moment, she wasn’t sure which option she preferred.

She was so busy thinking, that she didn’t hear someone come into the room.

 

“Lady,” a quiet, shy voice called.

 

May turned around with the maximal speed that her clothes allowed, the fear swiftly returning to her chest. What she saw startled her. A woman was  groveling on the floor before her. 

 

“W-What?” that was the only answer May could manage, too startled to remember about being polite.

 

Lady? Is she talking to me?

 

“Your father has requested your presence during the breakfast with his advisors, my Lady,” the girl on the floor said respectfully. “If you will, this is the time for you to prepare.”

 

“Alright…” May agreed hesitantly, eying the woman suspiciously.

 

Father? Advisors? What the hell is going on here?

 

Another option popped into her head. Maybe someone was playing a joke on her, like in a TV show. Maybe she should just go along with it for a while and then a TV crew will suddenly appear and they’ll give her flowers or a prize or something… May’s brain conveniently ignored the issue about the different night sky, or longer hair. She definitely  liked the idea of a joke better than being mentalyl ill or a in a freaky Narnia land.

 

May wanted to think more about the current situation, but in that very moment four women burst into the room and grabbed her. Confused, she didn’t put up any resistance. They led her to the bathing room and started undressing her. Embarrassed, the girl covered herself with her hands as much as she could. Soon May was ushered out of the tub and dried. Then the women dressed her in far too many layers of another heavy, silk dress like the one before and brushed her hair, putting half of it up in a crown around her head with a pearl barrette. Then one of them applied makeup, and a large mirror was brought before May. At first the girl flinched, remembering the whole mess with mirrors, but then she looked at the reflection.

 

She gave a little gasp, running her hand along her face. She looked like a totally different person. Like some princess from a movie or a cover of a fantasy book.

 

I  guess  you can never underestimate the wonders of a  good spa and make-up, she told herself.

 

“My Lady, it is time,” the maidservant from before said, and she showed May the way out of the room.

 

May followed, unsure. She decided for now, that the maids must be hired actors, who participated in the joke. As she walked down the hallway, she admired the decorations. They must have been really expensive. The girl shook her head. She hadn’t the slightest idea what was going on, but she decided to play along and find out.

 

If they wanted her to be a Lady, then she would act like one, why not, it’s not like she got to be on a prank show every day. May wondered who was behind this sick joke, which had nearly given  her a heart attack. Maybe her parents did this to make up for the missed holiday in Europe?

 

She was led into the huge room where a richly-clothed man was casually striding across a spacious chamber. He looked to be around his fifties, not so tall and had a rather intimidating thick brown beard, with  eyes like her own. She couldn’t not notice, that he resembled her dad a little bit. She thought, that the joke must have been very expensive with all the elaborate decorations and the actors.

 

“Maewyn,” the man said in a deep voice.

 

May quickly looked around but saw no one but herself so he assumed the man was addressing her. She didn’t have a clue what to say. Who was he? Presumably he acted as a relative of some sort. She decided to smile and bow slightly. Apparently, it was the right decision. The man smiled and strode towards her.

 

“Are you all right, my child? You look a little pale,” he said  with worry in a voice.

 

May wanted to inform him, that she was most definitely not his child and demand him to tell her what the hell is going on, but the voice in the back of her head told her not to do it. Better to wait for the TV crew to pop out. The girl cleared her throat, wanting to say something, that could be expected of an actress in such a scene, but a sudden commotion outside the chamber interrupted her.

 

Suddenly the door flung open and a large group of men stormed inside. All of them except one were dressed in chain mail and tunics, with swords hanging from their hips. The clank of metal was resounding throughout the room with every hasty step they took. Their hair was  about shoulder length, just like the other male actor had. Most of them had beards as well, which  made them look like Vikings. The two men were dragging some poor guy dressed in shabby clothes behind them. The man was kicking and struggling, unsuccessfully attempting to set himself free from the firm grasp of his captors. His face was smeared with dirt, the hair untidy and a gleam of madness in his eyes.

 

“She deserved it! That b***h slept with my cousin!” the man yelled, as the Vikings shoved him on his knees before the richly-clothed actor  who was her "father".

 

“Duke Thoen, we caught the murderer, who killed his wife,” one of the soldiers informed. May stared in silence as the middle-aged man nodded and reached out with his hand. One of the Vikings unsheathed his sword and passed it to the fancy-clothed actor. He took it, a solemn look on his face.

 

“I have promised the mother of this poor woman, that the murderer of her daughter will die by my hand as soon as I see you. Prepare to pay for your sin may the demons return your soul,” he said solemnly.

 

The man in the shabby clothes began crying and yelling, as the soldiers immobilized him and brutally grabbed his hair, so that his neck would be exposed.

 

May  stared at the scene with wide-opened eyes. She observed at the middle-aged actor lifted his sword and swiftly brought the blade down. The girl heard an unpleasant sound, when the sword slashed through the flesh and backbone, meeting little resistance. Then there was a thud, as the convict’s head fell to the ground and rolled towards May, leaving a red smudge on the snowy white marble floor. The headless body limply fell to the floor.

 

“Take this carcass out.” May heard someone saying, but she was still staring at the head at her feet.

 

Holy hell, It was real.

 

Author's Note

Reviews

[JR Darewood]

The description of the castle is great. I never thought much about clothes, fashion or decorations before, but in May's perception it makes it both a character-building experience as well as a great way to wrap the reader into the world you've constructed. Her response to the execution was my favorite part of the chapter.

The return to the princess in baltimore was cute too.

Where I felt like you needed some work was the final section, w/ the falcon and dude on the black pegasus. There are moments where your descriptions leave me a bit muddled. Maybe naming one of the characters would help, or finding a way to consolidate your description.. like really clearly descibing the different actors as they enter the scene. It's the first time you have a narrator conducting the description instead of a solid character POV so that could also be why I was left a little unfocused as well. Maybe going inside one of the characters for the whole section would clear it all up.

Also, considering how incredibly long the chapter was, I was kinda surprised you kept all three segments in one chapter instead of splitting them up. I wasn't sure why you wanted them all together.

[Gosia]

Hallelujah! You reviewed.
So you don't think that the description of the castle is too long? I actually was very worried about all the details.

I had the feeling that the last scene was a bit incomplete. I really don't know how to improve the scene while keeping my plan - I wanted to keep those new characters a mystery for now and gradually reveal who they are and what they are after. So narrating through a POV would be out of question here, it would ruin the whole idea. I guess I'll have this part more thought in my free time.

And you're right, this chapter is like 7000 words long, too long in general and twice as long as the other chapters. I should split it at least in two, I guess, if not in three.

Thanks for the constructive review.

[JR Darewood]

no the descriptions not too long, the chapter's too long but the section with May works well as it is, castle description included.
It might be possible to write from a character POV without revealing any of the things you want to keep secret, and the partial hints you drop would actually enhance the readers appetite to find out more about the characters.

[annie lee]

This is a great chapter. Your descriptions are rich and necessary to the mood.

[Christopher Angel]

Okay, as this was a particularly long chapter with a lot going on, there are several errors I've noticed. I've not included them all here but just the ones I felt were the most jarring. Don't be disheartened.

here I go;

She felt like crap, her whole body aching all over. – This line felt weird because you used a lingo. It seemed rather unusual for your narrative. If it were in dialogue, I can understand but your descriptions have been quite articulate so adding ‘crap’ felt weird.
though the oil lamps hanging on the wall shed enough light to see everything around her well enough – the way the sentence is structured is wrong. It’s broken. It should read like this ‘though the oil lamps hanging on the wall shed enough light for her to see everything in the vicinity well enough’ or something to that effect.
She opened it slowly, and gasped. Before her very eyes was the most beautiful garden she had ever seen " covered in colorful blooming flowers of all shades, it was as if a magical scene was unfolding before her. – again with the “
Despite the dim light the colors were incredibly vibrant, being a feast to her eyes – maybe you should have written and was a feast to her eyes instead? This sentence does not work. It seemed like you were thinking it and wrote it down.
May knew most of the most basic ones from books – what’s with the change in font?
May legs gave way and she limply fell to the ground – May’s legs gave way and she fell limply to the ground would sound a tad bit better I think. But either way works, just fix the missing punctuation.
her brain having difficulty comprehending what was going on – I don’t think it’s necessary to say her brain here because it’s quite obvious and no one would stop and wonder about that lack of description.
Then the women dressed her in far too many layers of another heavy, silk dress like the one before and brushed her hair, putting half of it up in a crown around her head with a pearl barrette. Then one of them applied makeup, and a large mirror was brought before May. – you used ‘then’ too many times to start a sentence.
She couldn’t not notice, that he resembled her dad a little bit – this sentence will be confusing to some people. It’s a double negative. Just keep it simple here and write something like She couldn’t help but notice
Duke Thoen, we caught the murderer, who killed his wife – this might be a personal preference here but I feel when you write murderer who killed his wife, you’re softening the impact of the word ‘killed’ I’d say we caught the man who murdered his wife. It’s essentially the same thing but has a different feel.
Prepare to pay for your sin may the demons return your sou. l” – punctuation and formatting error
Hilda, were you aware of the accident which befell the Princess? My daughter informed me that she injured herself on head – missing word!
“May?” May looked confused and slightly angry. “How dare you speak to me in that manner? I am a princess, the daughter of a powerful Duke! What do you want with me, demon?”
“So… you are not May?” asked Anna slowly.
Oh dear. Steven and his artifacts. – A little confused here. Why would Maewyn refer to Anna as a demon?

The enormous bird was flying rather slow, as night vision was not the falcon’s strength and it had to carefully navigate between the mountaintops of Ard Dioghais. – You already established that it was exceptionally huge. No need to repeat its size. Also, your use of night vision here seemed a little weird. Maybe saying it was flying slowly as it could not see well in the dark and had to carefully navigate between...

However, it was already too late.
The bird winced, confused, as a small rock hit him squarely in the forehead. However, it was only the beginning of his problem as all the nerves in his body twisted with pain at the – You used the second however too soon here. Try not to repeat these words, especially if they’re going to start your sentence.

The stranger outstretched his bat-like wings more and lazily glided towards the bird, which was currently struggling to keep himself in the air. – too many words. It could be kept simple here by saying the bird struggled to stay afloat.

Now the story itself was decent. Continuing from where you left off was smart. I liked how you took the time to explain how May would feel and her reaction to her situation was both funny and true to her character. I particularly liked the Narnia reference. May seems very self-aware and that's always good because it makes her easy to relate to.

I also liked how she conveniently fell into the amnesia angle. It solved a lot of problems early on and establishes a get free card should she need it in the future. I imagine there'd be some remarkable chances coming to the kingdom now. The scene with the murderer was very Game of Thrones to me. That's not bad though - it really set the tone although my only complaint here was the father did not have a chance to be developed before he beheaded the man. So right now, I have no opinion of him other than him being the executioner. He seems fond of his daughter though so we;ll see if they spend time together.

The backtrack to the Hatchets was expected but I wish it were a little more. Right now it feels like you shoved it in there to take care of one missing link. I think Maewyn's story would be as interesting as May's.

The ending was a little strange because it felt like it belonged in its own chapter. With that said, I am intrigued with these new creatures and the talk of a Key and Spear. I've loved how you've weaved a lot of esoteric references and combined cultures and races together to create something unique and the bird/bat-man were creepy and interesting. How does this play into May and who is this boy they're talking about? I'd very much like to know!

I did think this chapter was a bit long but only because the last bit needed its own space to breath. Ending off with Maeywn in the Hatchets would have been a good conclusion in my opinion.

Your dialogue was good, especially when it centred around May, although I feel you're having a little trouble writing medieval like speech without falling into the Shakespeare trap. It's not biggie though because what's important is a plot and yours is moving steadily. I should like to continue!

[Gosia]

Hey, thanks for reviewing. You spotted quite a lot of things I'll need to correct and hallelujah for you for that. About your predictions and impressions, you caught the right vibe about the part with Maewyn - she won't appear again. It sounds shallow and dastardly, but I wanted her only for her body... Shocking. I probably should put the last part into its own space, like you suggested. I have a question - what is a Shakespeare trap?

[Christopher Angel]

Shakespeare trap is like when you try to use a formal form of English by making a sentence longer than it should be. It's not usual for common everyday speech and is quite common in fantasy stories. I call it the Shakespeare trap because it can start to sound like high speech. The way nobles would talk to one another in long and drawn out sentences.

[Gosia]

Oh, good to know. Actually I had a hard time with the dialogues, because I wanted certain persons to sound different, speak in their own way. I think the worst was to write lines for the idiot on steroids, but you'll probably see it soon. Well, how about trading 3 reviews more?

[Christopher Angel]

If you need help with dialogue, I'll be happy to help. And sure, I'm totally up for more reviews

[Writer #00]

"Slowly, as if in a trance, the girl reached for her hair and discovered that it was felt very long, running far past her waist."-->"Slowly, as if in a trance, the girl reached for her hair and discovered that it was very long, running far past her waist." or ...discovered that it felt very long. was and felt are both past tense verbs used to modify the noun of 'hair', which is contradicting in this sentence

" She grabbed it quickly and gave it her best threatening glare willing it to fix the situation. She wanted this awfully real-looking dream, this illusion, whatever it was, to stop. Now. May narrowed her eyes at the surface of the mirror. Nothing happened. Well, nothing except that she was able take in her slightly different face. Aside from the long hair, her skin looked better, as though she had been using some expensive cosmetics, and she looked like some strange princess from a confused-Asian-European Middle Ages with a thin golden circlet on her head. "-->" She grabbed it quickly and gave it her best threatening glare, willing it to fix the situation. ... Well, nothing except that she was able take in her slightly different face. Aside from the long hair, her skin looked better, as though she had been using some expensive cosmetics, and she looked like some strange princess from a confused [this hyphen isn't necessary : )] Asian-European Middle Ages with a thin golden circlet on her head. "

"May carefully set the mirror aside and walked over to the door, Hopping to see something familiar."-->"May carefully set the mirror aside and walked over to the door, hoping to see something familiar."

"Something was wrong. But, not wrong, as if in waking up in a strange place with long hair and fancy dress as if that wasn’t weird enough."-->''Something was wrong. But not wrong, as if waking up in a strange place with long hair and fancy dress wasn’t weird enough.''

"May knew most of the most basic ones from books, like Great Bear or Orion, but she couldn’t find them in this night sky. They were simply gone, replaced by some other arrangement."-->'May knew most of the most basic ones from books, like Great Bear AND Orion, but she couldn’t find them in this night sky. They were simply gone, replaced by some other arrangement." or is a one-OR-the-other conjunction which makes it seem as if one of the basic ones was either Ursa Major or Orion as opposed to them BOTH being basic constellations...does that make sense?

"May legs gave up and she limply fell to the ground. "-->'"May's legs gave way and she limply fell to the ground. "

"At the moment She wasn’t sure which option she preferred."-->"At the moment, she wasn’t sure which option she preferred."

"...a quiet and shy voice called."-->"...a quiet, shy voice called--or--a shy, quiet voice called."

"She definitely liked the idea of joke better than mental illness or a freaky Narnia land."-->"She definitely liked the idea of a joke better than being mentally ill or in a freaky Narnia land."

"...you all right, my child? You look a little pale.” he said with a worry in a voice."-->"...you all right, my child? You look a little pale,” he said with/in a worried voice.--or--with worry in his voice"

"The situation was becoming a more and more freaky with every minute and she was scared."-->"The situation was becoming more and more freaky with every minute and she was scared."

"She was still confused about what was going on, but she was glad that the Duke and the rest of the people in the room were helping her to keep her identity a secret. It was a miracle, that she managed somehow to make them think, that she had amnesia " surely she was lucky on this one. The stupid idea turned out to be not so stupid at all… God, if they only knew the whole truth… "-->"She was still confused about what was going on, but she was glad that the Duke and the rest of the people in the room were helping her keep her identity a secret. It was a miracle that she somehow managed to make them think she had amnesia--surely she was lucky on this one. A stupid idea turned out to be not so stupid at all… God, if they only knew the whole truth… "

"The castle was not a single building, but a whole complex, which was housed hundreds of people, maybe even more than a thousand. The part, where May was, was just a tip of the iceberg. It was the upper castle, which was situated high above other buildings and was the residence of the Duke, his family and the closest advisors."-->"The castle was not a single building, but a whole complex, which housed hundreds of people, maybe even more than a thousand. The part where May was was just the tip of the iceberg. It was the upper castle, which was situated high above other buildings and was the residence of the Duke, his family, and closest advisers."

"She didn’t even imagine, that it was possible to build such a huge castle."-->"The construction of such a huge castle wasn't something she could even imagine."--or keep it as it is but take out the comma. : )

peasant's lack of manners-->peasants' lack of manners

literarily--> literally...literarily pertains to literature : )

"His wings were no more able to support his weight and he began falling to the ground, making a desperate effort to do land slower. "-->"His wings were no longer able to support his weight and he began falling to the ground, making a desperate effort to land slower. "

"...cold as an ice."-->"...cold as ice."

"...and fluently changed the grip on the hilt."-->fluidly, not fluently, I think : )

"...black winged stallion."--> I wasn't sure if you were saying that the stallion was black, it had black wings, or both. If the stallion is black: ...black, winged stallion. if it has black wings: "...black-winged stallion."

I finally got around to reading the second chapter of this, sorry it took so long ^^''. Anyway, great job handling May's confusion, I often run into the problem of how should this character react to this strange, abnormal situation. her reaction kept with her character, too, making sure that she started off by rationalizing the event as opposed to freaking out as Maewyn had done (I think I sense a foil with these two). Nice description, too, establishing the atypical mixture of Eastern and Western styles to set the tone of this new world. I really admired your vivid description of the garden, and lovely scene with the constellations and beheading. i thought it was interesting that May was still in doubt of being transported elsewhere even after the beheading until she goes to the village. The amnesia was a great problem-solver, too. Well done and it'll be interesting to see where this story goes (especially with that last part, I still don't quite know what happened : ) ). Nice read !!!

[Gosia]

Oh my, I should build a pyre and sacrifice a lamb for you or something... I'm really grateful that you point out all of my grammar-mishaps so thoroughly. Soon I'll have to sit down and make a good use of your tips (it'll be a tedious work, no doubt). You're really a life-saviour for me.

I'm glad you liked May's reaction, I had hard time re-writing it couple of times, because it didn't seem natural enough for me.

[Writer #00]

Haha, don't kill anything, it's no problem, and you really did a wonderful job with May's reaction, so the re-writing was worth it! : )

[annie lee]

Well, I'm hooked. You have created some incredible characters here and fantastic scenes for characters to stroll through. You obviously have a clear idea of the path this story will take, and that excites the reader, ready to read more. I love your main character, love the professor and his wife. The characters in her new universe still seem a little sinister, but that's only natural since she is figuring out a way to survive in this new place. The breakage of the mirror is a stunning and reverberating blow; so now surviving until she can get home has turned into surviving to stay alive. These chapters kept my interest, and had a very agile flow to them. Some of your sentencing sounds a little awkward; I know when I revise my pieces, I find lots of those things and get the opportunity to adjust them so that they fit more seamlessly into the flow. The last part of chapter two gives us a subplot to make us feel even more trepidation about May's chances in this new world. I say well done and write on!

[Gosia]

I'm glad you liked all those things in my story, I was anxious to see how people will react to my ideas. I know my sentencing is a bit awkward ;-)
That is because I haven't used English for almost five years and I'm having a come-back now.
Anyway, thanks for the encouraging review.