Frantic

Frantic

A Story by Hello, Elle
"

Just something I wrote in my journal one day :)

"

When I was just a child, I never imagined I would ever be holding a gun.

Just last week, I never imagined I would be having this feeling I have now… Satisfaction. Pure satisfaction in holding this gun, looking straight at the man I would soon be waking up.

He lay in his bed, peacefully sleeping. He had no worries. He had no regrets. He was living his life when he clearly should have been the one to die. I trusted no one with knowing what I was about to do… I only trusted myself. I knew that if I had told, they would have all locked me up and put me away.

I realized how creaky his wooden floors were, so I slipped off my pumps, and I tip toed on over to the end of his bed. he grunted and turned his head slowly so that he was facing his door. I felt sweat trickling down my nose. I quickly wiped it off.

I looked down at the gun, an M9 pistol, and I smiled. I lifted my hand, and I placed it on his leg. his head shot up.

“Whaa?” He was delirious. He finally turned and looked at me, his head racing, a frenzied look in his eye.

“You made me do this, Enn.”

I pointed the gun at him, then at myself.

I pulled the trigger.

I fell to the ground.

© 2010 Hello, Elle


Author's Note

Hello, Elle
Con-crit is welcome!
I do understand that this is quite short, but I'll be posting more of my writings soon.
I wrote this in my journal about a week ago, and I decided to share it.
I also posted this on my Tumblr.

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Reviews

It's brutal!! And I dig it. I enjoyed the twist at the end, even though I would have gone murder/suicide with it. I think if you wanted to expand this piece you could focus less on the anicdotal nature of the story and maul over the ideas the character has about the situation. Nobody can resist an infectious idea.

Posted 7 Years Ago


short, perhaps but this certainly does not fall short in anyway. this piece is full to the brim with emotion and intensity, not to mention a surprise ending with a rather potent message.

well done indeed :)

Posted 7 Years Ago


I was NOT prepared for that ending, but this is amazing! I was sincerely drawn in from the first sentence. I was holding my breath! Wheeew. Great story!

Posted 8 Years Ago


Very surprising ending, but very good, great job :)

Posted 8 Years Ago


The ending was definitely a surprise! I enjoyed reading this, and look forward to reading more.

Posted 8 Years Ago


socking ending... great piece, like looking at a picture!!

Well done!

Posted 8 Years Ago


wow, i didnt expect that ending. This was a great read and write, i would love to see more of this story, and why she was so mad at him, i loved this, nice write!

Posted 8 Years Ago


I Liked it :)
You controlled the character and made me really feel the atmosphere, and the intensity of the situation. ..
Absolutely looking forward to more reads xD

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Great read! Vivid detail and the ability to really pull the reader in. Keep writing and definitely, keep posting!

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Wow! Interesting story and vivid details. You probably meant "pointed the gun at him" but otherwise excellent grammar. I would love to read more of your writings. Post them, now!

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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392 Views
10 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 1 Library
Added on August 20, 2010
Last Updated on October 10, 2010
Tags: Fiction, gun, kill, death, horror

Author

Hello, Elle
Hello, Elle

Neverland, CT



About
My name is Elle, or Eli. Whichever you prefer. I am a sixteen year old girl who dreams to become a journalist one day. I play guitar, and I recently bought myself a beautiful Yamaha APX 500! I writ.. more..

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