To Hold Her

Sometimes less is more

I know now, but this not always so,
that to just hold her without expectation
is as intimate as intimate gets.
In these moments I listen to the sound of her breathing,
she, my heart.
We lay at peace, as one,
knowing that only death can ever separate us.
She is my world, beautiful,
and that she is oblivious,
so unaware of her beauty makes her even more so.
They say "you are a lucky man"
I say "the most lucky man on earth because I am hers"

Author's Note

Thank you to the two kind souls who improved this by editing, much appreciated

Reviews

[Olivia Danielle]

Beautifully written. This speaks to everyone as what we hope to achieve when we find partners in life.

[Gee]

Thank you Olivia

[Wild Rose]

Touching without expectation > Yes you are a lucky man
You belong to each other > you to her - her to you

[Neville]

A touching and otherwise most beautiful dedication.... nice one & true....... Neville

[Gee]

Cheers Neville :)

[Neville]

Pleasure........ N

[Island Hippy]

Tender and so wonderfully sincere it’s graceful!

I only have a couple minor suggestions Gee. I try not to use the same word in quick succession for instance the last line in the second verse .... beautiful says it all in many instances the way you use it here is absolutely fitting but what I feel from this is that she really is ‘your everything’ perhaps a word that conveyed that might elevate the awe of how she makes you feel? Magnificent came to mind...

The last line I thought perhaps you could try “I say.... I am hers.” That feels powerful and so strong for a man to say ‘I am hers’.

This is really gorgeous Gee like I said it so very sincere that my suggestions are just that, of a sappy romantic who can relate to your words in the way I feel about my lad. She’s a lucky lady! Many mahalo x

[Island Hippy]

Sorry for my novel didn’t mean to blather.

[Gee]

Apologies, thought I'd replied. Have made a couple of changes, thank you.
Hope you are all well.

[Ardra]

Very beautiful....
Just to hold and to hear the heart beat..and to know that it's love and nothing to be said....such wonderful feeling...
And you have captured in beautifully...sometimes with loved ones I think that's all you need...their presence.... it makes all things...better...
:)

[Gee]

That's what my good lady wife says, just a cuddle... Thank you

[Davidgeo]

The 2nd line doesn't read so well.

It's quite the tender poem. Some poems about love seem forced or pandering simply to portray the writer in a more sensitive light; but this one feels very genuine. Which isn't shocking, most of what you write feels very genuine.

A rule I use whenever I write about love is to never use the word love in that poem. It forces me to be more descriptive.

[Gee]

Good morning David.
Have made a couple of changes, does it read any better. Please feel free to suggest if not.
Thank you, hope you are well.

[Davidgeo]

Lose "that" from the second line so it reads "but not always so". Transplant "that" to the next line so it reads "That to just hold her". Or just lose "that" entirely.

[Gee]

Thank you, " that" is binned

[Davidgeo]

You actually took my advice? Now I feel special.

[Gee]

Lol. Right, whilst you have your editors head on could I replace line 5 with ...the embodiment of intimacy, or is that shite ??? Cheers

[Davidgeo]

I would change line five... but not drastically. Repeat the word 'intimate' instead of using 'intimacy' and substitute 'it's'... so it reads "it's as intimate as intimate gets". The repetition of the word 'intimate' is powerful. Some words just have that quality when repeated, I've always thought intimate to be one of them.

[Davidgeo]

'Intimacy' does make more sense though... none the less I still think 'intimate' repeated has more of an impact

[Gee]

Cheques in the post, thank you.

[Davidgeo]

I only take cash. Or drugs.

[Gee]

Me, liberties and the piss

[Davidgeo]

I don't know what that means

[Gee]

Taking the piss is mocking somebody, poking fun at them, taking liberties would be like your boss saying “ have as much time off as you like, meaning have a day or two, then you rocking back up to work a couple months later !!

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

Awwww, such a lovely and tender poem for your lady, Gee! “To just hold her”- the understanding of that need, is so crucial to a relationship. I’m sure your sensitivity and insight and love, are appreciated more than you will ever know...

[Gee]

Hi Annette, thank you.
Hope you and yours are well

[Chris Shaw]

This little poem is really beautiful. Full of tenderness, love and true appreciation for the woman in your life. I hope you show this to her so she knows exactly how you feel. Heartfelt and lovely writing Gee. Quite a change from your poetry recently :))

Chris

[Gee]

Hmmm, I write about all manner of things as you know, often without thought for the pc brigade. Thank you Christine, I'll no doubt show the good lady one day ( she knows how I feel about her :) )

[Chris Shaw]

Good to hear.