Echoes of You

~Echoes of You~

Your ghost hides in corners of our wrinkled sheets

reaching out transparent hands to grasp at my foolishness.

I've never enjoyed swimming naked in guilt's sea - 

It leaves me dripping remorse.

It seems, death's formidable grip can trump a full hand 

of indifference every time.

The mundane, repetitious days of our existence

held me in perspective as one

too ambivalent to shake his disembodied shoulders. 

The scent of your demise to me seemed innocuous -

fleeting, and unable to bloom;

But, flowers - I've discovered - are fragile things 

that in a short period of time

will die from the slightest chill.

And I...unbelievably -

immersed in my neglectful, narrow corner -

unable to sympathize or relate to simple needs -

never noticed at all -

your petals -

falling one by one.

How often have men picked their flower in life only to ignore her later through the trials of marriage? Her tears like petals have fallen. Now, through her absence, he realizes too late, what he has done: Disregarded and Ignored his soul mate.

Your thoughts are always welcome.

Author's Note

Note to self: Changed the picture and a couple of words.


A quick note:

~~This is by far my most popular poem. And yet, it didn't start that way. Many young people are offended by advice or suggestions from others. They feel insulted that someone would critique their writing.

As for me, I came here not just to share my writing but to learn as well. If it wasn't for suggestions from Rick Puetter and Girl Friday (see below) I don't think the poem would have been as good. The poet Richard also helped me fine tune the poem and it is now--after all these years--(in my mind) complete.

We can always learn from other people as long as we know they have more experience and know-how than us.~~

Reviews

[Edis Radoncic]

This poem has so many mixture of emotions! That is probably why it is so great. I also agree with what you said. In this website we should not just share and hoping someone will just view it and comment on our work just to say it is great and expecting it vice versa. We should help each other out by giving writer critizicims and help each other to become stronger writers. But for this poem I don't think I need to say anything.

[Relic]

That's very kind of you Edis, thank you.

[Embers-Rising]

I love it, it's beautifully written, I love the emotion in it, please keep writing, I'm exited to read more of your work! :)

[Relic]

Thank you Callie.

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

An awe-inspiring piece!
Regret, guilt and solitude; emotions entwining into each other. Sentiments of lifetime.
Full of deep insights.
Enjoyed reading it!

[Relic]

Thanks very much Jyoti. :)

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

You are welcome!

[Seashell]

What a wonderful piece Relic, covering a wide spectrum of human feelings, thoughts and emotions. One realises suchlikes when it's too late I guess.
Thanks for share :-)

[Relic]

Thanks for the review Seashell.

[Jane Taylor Hardy]

Words woven beautifully to unravel into a most regal tapestry.

[Relic]

Thank you very much Jane. :)

[J]

wow T, here's a beauty i somehow missed while i was out somewhere gathering wool or some such thing. forgive, pls.

but, but you've always had the gift of complete openness in your writing with imagery/words revealing stunning depth and perception. and i've watched you evolve over the years ~ refining, condensing, focusing . . . working through frustration, aggravation with this site, with life ..... you are undeniably a talented poet and you should indeed be proud of this work. tis not often to find a writer willing to accept suggestions gracefully and actually employ them. kudos

and as to this particular write, the chills working their way up from toes to the back of my head does not happen often. not only are your words rare in their admission of "less than," but the emotions tear at my heart ... the metaphoric comparison to a neglected flower completely undid me.

fine fine work, t.

[Relic]

Thanks so much for that great review J. :)

[J]

entirely my pleasure, t. :-)

[FaeryQueen]

this is good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Relic]

Thank you. :)

[Sultrysoul]

The depths of this poem rings so true. The damage of neglect is devastating when a woman desires the man that she loves deeply enough to give him her all. It's always when she's gone when the treasure they so carelessly let slip through their hands. Thank you very much for sharing.

[Relic]

I'm grateful to you for the review, thank you.

[Sultrysoul]

My pleasure my friend :)

[Orchid]

Oh - love it! This is wonderful. That second stanza - I just adore it :)

[Relic]

I appreciate that Orchid. Beautiful name by the way. :D

[Orchid]

Thank you. Relic is quite original for a name as well :)

[Relic]

I'll tell you a short story. The name came to me as a last minute thing. I needed something to add as a name and I had been so busy trying to get an account going, I forgot and added it at the last second. That was years ago. Two weeks ago I dropped my wallet on the floor. I noticed a name on the front in wee small letters I never paid attention to before. You can guess what the word is..... :)

[Orchid]

The brand name was Relic? Cool
Our subconscious can play games sometimes :)

[Relic]

My thoughts exactly. :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

suggestions, feedback are so valuable..even if we don't use it...just to ponder it helps us put our own poems into the right perspective...i don't think we are ever "too good" to take criticism.


You are quite a poet, relic...

j.

[Relic]

Thanks very much Jacob.

[Willys Watson]

I’ve read several of your poems and you should be proud of what you write. You have an enhanced vocabulary that allows you to convey what you want to express eloquently. You shouldn’t let yourself become too dismayed by the lack of reviews because this happens to most of us here. There are other avenues where you can post your verse, from poets groups on Face Book to having a Live Journal blog.

[Relic]

Thank you Willys.