Echoes of You

~Echoes of You~

Your ghost hides in corners of our wrinkled sheets

reaching out transparent hands to grasp at my foolishness.

I've never enjoyed swimming naked in guilt's sea - 

It leaves me dripping remorse.

It seems, death's formidable grip can trump a full hand 

of indifference every time.

The mundane, repetitious days of our existence

held me in perspective as one

too ambivalent to shake his disembodied shoulders. 

The scent of your demise to me seemed innocuous -

fleeting, and unable to bloom;

But, flowers - I've discovered - are fragile things 

that in a short period of time

will die from the slightest chill.

And I...unbelievably -

immersed in my neglectful, narrow corner -

unable to sympathize or relate to simple needs -

never noticed at all -

your petals -

falling one by one.

How often have men picked their flower in life only to ignore her later through the trials of marriage? Her tears like petals have fallen. Now, through her absence, he realizes too late, what he has done: Disregarded and Ignored his soul mate.

Your thoughts are always welcome.

Author's Note

Note to self: Changed the picture and a couple of words.


A quick note:

~~This is by far my most popular poem. And yet, it didn't start that way. Many young people are offended by advice or suggestions from others. They feel insulted that someone would critique their writing.

As for me, I came here not just to share my writing but to learn as well. If it wasn't for suggestions from Rick Puetter and Girl Friday (see below) I don't think the poem would have been as good. The poet Richard also helped me fine tune the poem and it is now--after all these years--(in my mind) complete.

We can always learn from other people as long as we know they have more experience and know-how than us.~~

Reviews

[Einstein Noodle]

collaborating and asking advice around here is truly fruitful ..i agree 100% we can all use a constructive review of what we share ..your poem is true to the bone ..and men (many men) do allow themselves to breath indifference and neglect into an otherwise blossomed relationship ..i feel the sorrow in your poem ..from a man realizing too late ... there is lots of reminders she gives along the way ... i think i would leave out you synopsis immediately following the poem ..not necessary ... you set the scene well enough in your poem ...it is very relateable .... i do like the "quick note" at the very end ...
E.

[Relic]

Thank you for the review Einstien.

[DeerInHeadlights]

and it is just so loved. I can so relate to this one.. very much so..

[Relic]

Thanks for your thoughts Deer. :-)

[Rose Jaeger Kaneki]

This is amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You have a lot of talent!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AMAZING JOB HERE. I am adding this to my favorites!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love this poem!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Relic]

Thanks very much Blood.

[Rose Jaeger Kaneki]

welcome, Relic

[Josie E. Cook M. A.]

I wouldn't want to be here either; however, this echoes truth in our world--a sad state!
Wonderful write about your subject!

[Relic]

Thanks very much Josie.

[Josie E. Cook M. A.]

You are welcome!

[Nisreen]

A very sensitive way of putting such a message accross
it seems like you truly cared for this person

Beautiful

I never read anything more beautiful

[Coyote Song]

A very profound poem on a painful yet true subject. This has been going on for so so long. Its a sad human condition. Well done.

[Relic]

Thank you.

[Coyote Song]

You are very welcome.

[Cyndy Robinson]

I love this, and going through it to degree right now. I especially love the last stanza.

[Relic]

Thanks, glad you liked it.

[Cyndy Robinson]

Thank you. I did really enjoy it.

[Alias]

You've used such beautiful language, this is absolutely gorgeous, and I love the title! So effective and telling in just 3 words. I'd love it if you had a look at some of my poems and helped me learn too!

[Relic]

Thanks so much Alias. Richard and others played a big part in this. I'll review you soon, but keep in my mind I'm no expert. ha :)

[Alisa Js]

Thank you for your comments on my work. I look forward to reading more of them as time permits.

This one is indeed beautiful. Lovely in it's emotional content, vivid in it's depiction of that emotion.

Very well done.

Alisa ;-)

[Relic]

Than you very much Alisa. ;)

[Travis Prino]

I can see why this is your most popular. I absolutely love it.

[Relic]

Thank you very much Travis. :)