Echoes of You

~Echoes of You~

Your ghost hides in corners of our wrinkled sheets

reaching out transparent hands to grasp at my foolishness.

I've never enjoyed swimming naked in guilt's sea - 

It leaves me dripping remorse.

It seems, death's formidable grip can trump a full hand 

of indifference every time.

The mundane, repetitious days of our existence

held me in perspective as one

too ambivalent to shake his disembodied shoulders. 

The scent of your demise to me seemed innocuous -

fleeting, and unable to bloom;

But, flowers - I've discovered - are fragile things 

that in a short period of time

will die from the slightest chill.

And I...unbelievably -

immersed in my neglectful, narrow corner -

unable to sympathize or relate to simple needs -

never noticed at all -

your petals -

falling one by one.

How often have men picked their flower in life only to ignore her later through the trials of marriage? Her tears like petals have fallen. Now, through her absence, he realizes too late, what he has done: Disregarded and Ignored his soul mate.

Your thoughts are always welcome.

Author's Note

Note to self: Changed the picture and a couple of words.


A quick note:

~~This is by far my most popular poem. And yet, it didn't start that way. Many young people are offended by advice or suggestions from others. They feel insulted that someone would critique their writing.

As for me, I came here not just to share my writing but to learn as well. If it wasn't for suggestions from Rick Puetter and Girl Friday (see below) I don't think the poem would have been as good. The poet Richard also helped me fine tune the poem and it is now--after all these years--(in my mind) complete.

We can always learn from other people as long as we know they have more experience and know-how than us.~~

Reviews

[Josie E. Cook M. A.]

I enjoyed reading this again and reflecting on it with the metaphors of delicate images
incorporated here.
I love to learn about what people are thinking as they read my work. Revisions often bring so much to a piece!

[Relic]

I revise all the time. Sometimes too much. haha
Thanks. :)

[Josie E. Cook M. A.]

You're welcome!

[L.C. Jarrette]

I'm not married but this definitely touched me. Very beautiful. (Teary eyed)...

[Relic]

Thank you L.C.

[L.C. Jarrette]

you're welcome sir...

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

It's easy to see why this is a favorite. It is rife with remembrance, remorse, and regret, with subtle flecks of light. There is such beauty in pain, a shadow stretching for sky.

[Relic]

Well said, thank you Linda. :)

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

My pleasure. :-)

[oohjulie]

I love this poem..seems more like a method of transportation to a world than words.

[Relic]

Thanks very much oohjulie. :)

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

Amazing poem and sad, dark image to illustrate the mood of it. A woman, wife, left to quietly decay like a withered rose, in callous neglect.-"Never noticed at all...your petals.. falling one by one."-brilliant line and metaphor. The man doth protest too much, but you give this woman a voice. Bravo!

[Relic]

Thank you very much Annette. :)

[Priscilla Sayers]

I felt that one Buddy
To the core
Very powerful and I am relating
Sorry my writing is vague as I am but believe me I find this writing very immense with emotion

[Relic]

Thank you very much Priscilla. Your writing is fine. :)

[TiffanyThomas]

I am a sucker for lost love and anything sentimental. You captured it.

[Relic]

Thank you very much Tiffany. :)

[Katerina Grev]

Truly brilliant work, moved me to tears, I don't even have any words.

[Relic]

Ahh, thanks for reading.

[Raven Moonchild]

This poem is just simply beautiful. :) It brought tears to my eyes.

[Relic]

Ah, thanks for reading it Raven.

[Raven Moonchild]

And thank you for posting it. :)

[George Coombs]

A briliant thought provoking poem, sensitive and engaging, a lovely image also

[Relic]

Thank so much for your review George.