Echoes of You

~Echoes of You~

Your ghost hides in corners of our wrinkled sheets

reaching out transparent hands to grasp at my foolishness.

I've never enjoyed swimming naked in guilt's sea - 

It leaves me dripping remorse.

It seems, death's formidable grip can trump a full hand 

of indifference every time.

The mundane, repetitious days of our existence

held me in perspective as one

too ambivalent to shake his disembodied shoulders. 

The scent of your demise to me seemed innocuous -

fleeting, and unable to bloom;

But, flowers - I've discovered - are fragile things 

that in a short period of time

will die from the slightest chill.

And I...unbelievably -

immersed in my neglectful, narrow corner -

unable to sympathize or relate to simple needs -

never noticed at all -

your petals -

falling one by one.

How often have men picked their flower in life only to ignore her later through the trials of marriage? Her tears like petals have fallen. Now, through her absence, he realizes too late, what he has done: Disregarded and Ignored his soul mate.

Your thoughts are always welcome.

Author's Note

Note to self: Changed the picture and a couple of words.


A quick note:

~~This is by far my most popular poem. And yet, it didn't start that way. Many young people are offended by advice or suggestions from others. They feel insulted that someone would critique their writing.

As for me, I came here not just to share my writing but to learn as well. If it wasn't for suggestions from Rick Puetter and Girl Friday (see below) I don't think the poem would have been as good. The poet Richard also helped me fine tune the poem and it is now--after all these years--(in my mind) complete.

We can always learn from other people as long as we know they have more experience and know-how than us.~~

Reviews

[Patrick Roach]

Excellent piece, I adore your writing style.

[Relic]

Thank you Ibrahim.

[-]

Wonderful and thought provoking by the way. N.

[-]

Beautiful poem and sadly it so real. With men, We take it for granted because we got her. If you pay attention, not all men, but a lot once they are in a relationship, they even do not dress as good and even the hygiene goes down. If though about courting our soul mate every day, I think we would not neglect our marriage and be more concerned about having a man cave. N.

[Relic]

Thank you for your thoughts N.

[V]

It reads very well. The choice of words is nice and your stream of consciousness yet even it reads nicely thoughtful, there's a certain kind of emotional depth missing, at least that's how it appears it to me. Your writing reads like one of those very skillfully written poems when it comes to structure and word use but lacking the honesty and maybe imperfection of pure feelings, this way of writing is pretty popular among people who were taught how to write creative stuff, like took part in a writing course. Often those poems and stories are flawlessly outlined and one might find a high amount of intellectual and original word choices but as I already mentioned before, they lack an emotional deepness.

[Relic]

I'e never taken a writing course. Thank you for your thoughts.

[V]

It was just a comparison, just reminded me and I hope you didn't understand as negative. You're welcome.

[Relic]

No worries, they're just poems to me. I use every one as a vehicle to learn. Some are good and others aren't. Some people like them, others don't. I don't take it seriously and I always consider what people mention. Thanks again Vanessa.

[V]

Ok though "just poems" doesn't match my general view on writing and the creative process at all but whatever.

[Relic]

Yup........Whatever.

[JessyJacob]

I feel people just trash on weak ones, thinking emotionless, thats why she cant do anything and dying, why anyone should care, until both of them need, it was emoitonful when both were together for the first days of marriage, why suddenly people get offtrack or bored of life, I think person is very flexible in those things, just shifting the needs, its not matter of emotions, how long you will enjoy pleasure, only when you like it, after you dont like, you feel emotionless.

[Relic]

Thank you for your thoughts.

[JessyJacob]

Marriage is only for social needs with emotionless people, and for enjoying people, its just timepass, why one needs to be married.

[Relic]

Some feel that way, others want to be with someone for the rest of their lives. Whether they are happy or not after many years have passed is a different matter.

[JessyJacob]

I feel its not emotion which connects people in wedding, the love only can bind together for eternal. emotions are just temporary, where they need to be released out, otherwise you wont feel satisfied. Love is one where you wont feel to come out, never to be released also, will be eternal, as long as you love me.

[Relic]

I think I see what you're saying. Love is indeed eternal but suppose people divorce? What then of love?

[JessyJacob]

Everyone is different, but above views are me, yes I do try for perfection, why one would say it perfection, it has some talent/efficiency, which doenst come liek learning it. I feel it is not defective and to comment on perfection.

[JessyJacob]

What do you mean? i am sorry. why one needs divorce, if in love, I think God will not break that relationship, when they are in love, will always be together, i am talking about one man and one woman.

[Relic]

Do you think perfection is really possible?

[JessyJacob]

Yes, I have seen people experiencing ecstasy even in Love with God on this earth during present time, I feel this is the perfection, and passionate about emotional feelings is not perfection in my view. This comes out with pure love and feelings, it just wont come with out any hard work, temporary things come very easily with in seconds, but great things need time to build. Hope you understand me.

[Relic]

Yes, I do. Thanks for sharing your views. :)

[JessyJacob]

Thanks to you too.

[PoeticSorcery]

good poem, I like it. also like how you can add pictures with poems here, unlike hellopoetry.

[Relic]

Thank you very much. Hello Poetry is a site I'm still getting used to. I've been here so long. Each site has its advantages and disadvantages I guess depending on how you look at it. I know some who don't like pictures on poems and other that do. To each his own I guess.

[PoeticSorcery]

yeah. this site is more for fun and exciting, it's more like facebook for poetry, whereas hellopoetry is for more serious, laid-back poets, but lacks any flavor. also, it's more dead on there these days. that's why I'm on here from time to time.

[Relic]

Its funny you should say that because after being here for so many years, I can say just the opposite. :)

[PoeticSorcery]

maybe all poetry sites eventually die down, someone should make a new one lol

[Lyn Anderson]

This is and was a great piece, and a great piece of advice. I read the other one -- She said she is not coming back, and was unable to leave comment, hence, I leave it here -- I love that poem, for its simplicity, and the title being revealed within the piece without it actually being there.

[Relic]

I didn't think anyone would like that one, that's why I took the review option off. Thanks on both poems.

[Lyn Anderson]

No problem. I am not one to leave comment unless I actually like it.

[Caddy]

I can't find the words to say how this made me feel. Sad, beautiful, there are a plethora of words that can be used to describe the emotions this provokes, yet sometimes I find that just silence is needed to fully immerse oneself. I look forward to reading your other work.
Thank you, for sharing this.

[Relic]

Thank you so much for your thoughtful words Caddy.

[mattavelli]

This one's in 40 libraries. It must be good. Haha
I have trouble with the abstract poetry. I had to read this a few times to put it all together... the ghost is in the corner... the corner of the wrinkled sheets... how does that work? Why are you naked?...
I figured it out. I'll give her a kiss every morning. 🚀

[Relic]

Thanks for the review.

[Einstein Noodle]

collaborating and asking advice around here is truly fruitful ..i agree 100% we can all use a constructive review of what we share ..your poem is true to the bone ..and men (many men) do allow themselves to breath indifference and neglect into an otherwise blossomed relationship ..i feel the sorrow in your poem ..from a man realizing too late ... there is lots of reminders she gives along the way ... i think i would leave out you synopsis immediately following the poem ..not necessary ... you set the scene well enough in your poem ...it is very relateable .... i do like the "quick note" at the very end ...
E.

[Relic]

Thank you for the review Einstien.