Writers Cafe rules 1-10

A tongue in cheek posting from 2012.

Writers Cafe Rules 1-10

A Story by Relic

A little humor goes a long way. Some writers gave me ideas for rules. That's why I thank them. 

RULE 1: CURSING: 

Freely curse in all of your poems, stories, and reviews. You'll fit right into the mix here. You'll be discredited and unimpressive to anyone who has years of experience but so what, they're the minority here. The right words in the right order don't really apply as much here anymore. 

RULE 2: DRAMA: 

Be under the age of 20. Adults don't usually get into the drama thing too much. They have other things to do. They get annoyed seeing so many young kids arguing back and forth with each other over immature issues. Pay no heed to them. Put on your best drama face and remember--all the world's a stage.

RULE 3: EROTICA:

If you're impressed with an erotic poem and you want to leave a review but don't know what to say, use the word sensual. It'll cover a lot of bases when you can't come up with a witty or deep answer. Here's an example: Wow, blah blah, this poem is so sensual, well done. If you're lucky they may thank you and start a conversation, Though I wouldn't count on it. 

RULE 4: REVIEWS: 

If you want a lot of reviews, become popular. It's always beneficial to evaluate other's work. Yet, some here have written hundreds of reviews only to give up such efforts out of frustration. Receiving meager responses will cause many to lose their interest in the site. Widespread acceptance puts you on people's good side. 

Begin your popularity quest with doting reviews and warm affectionate greetings for your targets that will make them ooze with sunshine. Soon you won't be able to contain the praises that come your way. The future is waiting. 

RULE 5: GRAMMAR: 

Don't worry about using correct grammar. That's for people who care. If you don't want to write full words, use shorthand. It may slow the reader down causing them to stumble but so what. Just add a memo in your Author's note that says, "Ignore the grammar." I'm sure your usual friends won't mind. They're using the same memo in their stories and poems too.

RULE 6: REVISIONS: 

Don't revise too much unless you want to work at it. Some writers here work a long time on a story or poem. Stick to your usual five minutes. That should be good enough. 

RULE 7: TABS: 

Make sure you have a second tab ready with a place to go to if this place freezes up. It'll keep you from becoming too frustrated. In the past, I've waited over twenty minutes to get back on, it's happened before, it will happen again.

RULE 8: SEX: 

Have sex talk with your WC sex buddy. It's popular here. I've done it twice but won't say with whom. After this, I won't be having it again. (This may be a joke but it really is commonplace here.  See below).

{Just a serious note here folks. There really are predators here that are devious and don't care that the person they're talking to is only 14-years-old. They're sick people and shouldn't be on here but the moderators are not that critical or aware I guess. If you're a girl, watch out for the slick guys who work their way in slow, you'll know who they are better than me. Other guys don't waste any time at all communicating their disgusting comments. Just saying.}

RULE 9: MULTIPLE ACCOUNTS: 

Create multiple accounts under different names but don't tell anyone. You can portray yourself as a boy or a girl and it won't matter. As long as you sound believable and have a good avatar, no one will know the difference. Trust me, there are many who do a good job depicting him or herself as someone else. I myself have two accounts; I'm a boy on each one. haha

RULE 10: SUBMISSIONS: 

Do you write books and have a chapter you want people to read? Submit it as a poem. It's a great way to trick people into thinking you're good at writing long poems. If they decide to review, you can have a good laugh. (Thanks, KAOLmsted, lol)

So there you have it. Just keep in mind that this is all tongue and cheek humor. For all the new writers, (And I'm talking about the actual new writers) you can use this as a rough guide to a wonderful experience here at Writers Cafe. Good luck to you.

To be continued....

© 2012 Relic

Author's Note

Part two of it is somewhere below the other stories and poems.

Reviews

[Lily Mae]

This is so good for so many reasons. I love the self righteous who point a finger but should look in the mirror.. I'm not saying you lol... so don't get your undies in an uproar lol.. I have accts. that I use for alter work.. Tracey is my dark side...Lily is light and fluffy. I don't' think the world should stop revolving because of that.. I know some that have had countless accts. on here, as I have. To me it doesn't matter the amount, if your picture is real, if your using Pee Wee Herman as a name, what matters to me is your work, your words. The other stuff..doesn't matter to me.
This place has to be taken with a grain of salt and alot of water to flush. But on the other side of this. I have met some genuine people that I have integrated into my real life by talking on the phone, texting, getting to know the person beyond the words shared here. And that's been a true blessing to me. Lots of good people on here :D
Your one with no butt kissing taking place even though I am coming from a sensual place lmao..xo

[The Analog Kid]

Great point, Lily!

[Relic]

That's an excellent review Lily, the words are what matter, they're the reason we're all here.

[Tate Morgan]

Lily I too have many friends here that I speak to on a regular basis. I find putting a voice to the picture helps cement bonds between us all.I think I have 5 here I talk to regularly

[Great Aunt Astri]

BUT, isn't it the poems that matter? And the stories, of course!

[mattavelli]

Hello, Relic! :)

"It seems like perfect love's so hard to find
I'd almost given up, you must've read my mind
And all these dreams I saved for a rainy day
They're finally coming true
you know, I'll share them all with you
'Cause now we hold the future in our hands
oh, oh almost paradise we're knocking on heaven's door
Almost paradise
How could we ask for more?
I swear…"

[Relic]

I know that?
Thanks Mattavelli.

[andrew mitchell]

Good on you Relic touched a lot of bases here in your emphatic style. Well done Tim.

[Relic]

Thank you andrew. :)

[andrew mitchell]

I must be blind I've never seen love on this site between two poets but I have noted similar styles or types of writing under different names and some or most from India!

[Relic]

I've heard things I won't repeat about stuff like that. It is odd isn't it.

[andrew mitchell]

I don't care either Tim that's why I have not picked up on it , I just like writing dribbles, reading other fine writers, and hoping someone picks up on my craft.

[Relic]

These days not a lot of people are reviewing. Its happening on all the sites.

[andrew mitchell]

Yes a new wave, It's like Facebook everyone is posting selfies, and so it's almost becoming a writing selfie site! I don't send out read requests anymore, very rarely, but I have currently 429 request reviews for other people's writes to comment on, most of which never review mine, but some are from my true followers.

[Relic]

Wow, I turned off my read request year ago. I never had any interest in facebook at all. I hear nothing but bad stuff about it.

[Great Aunt Astri]

Gosh! I never realised! Please put up part two!

[Relic]

haha. You do know this is tongue in cheek right?

[Great Aunt Astri]

Of course .... just teasing! ):

[Relic]

I'll put up part two if you wish.

[Relic]

There you go. :)

[Enchanted-Raven]

Your humour cracks me up....but on a serious note it's great advice, will people heed it, probably not...I myself need to pay attention to 5 and 6 :P

[Relic]

lol, we have all suffered in the shadows of 5 and 6 at one time or another. Thank you Raven. :) x

[Adesanya Yewande]

This is really helpful to we new writers here on writers cafe
Thanks for sharing

[Relic]

Thank you for reading Adesanya.

[Érenn]

You know I am glad I stumbled upon this write when this popped up on the feed and Believe me there's more to this than sarcasm( oh but I am sure you are already aware of it) ^^ . I am still new (sorta been here for around 2 months seen a whole lot of things, experienced a rare phenomena termed "Blocked even though we never Talked" But that said and done I am lucky enough to have reviewers who offer me constructive criticism and I am more than happy to rewrite an entire work if need be if it's for the sake of my craft and better my writing. ( Have done it a more than a few times) Unfortunately English isn't my native tongue so chances are I am not the best judge of grammar, but other than that I try to be honest and blunt about my views and hopefully I do not sound rude. And I review because I feel like reviewing, do not really expect someone to comeback and review me and when they do I always pray that there is some thing more to say and not a broken record being played with the same meaning just different words^^ (ok sorry for the rant but I thought I needed to do this)

Now for this write itself, other than some stunning facts presented here it's very entertaining. Throughout the write I love the tone of narrator and he uses very apt examples to prove his point. Each point is expressed nicely and the best part is nothing has been stretched more than needed.

I would love to comment on points 2 and 3 but you see i don't usually end up in that sort of situation (I am inching closer towards 20 XD) Now points 7 and 8 are very interesting although again never faced them. The rest I guess is one hell of a write.

You score big points because it's engaging, your build-up and pace till the end is maintained. You give a nice closure and also intrigue readers with the "More to come" clause. Also your write gives the feeling of a conversational feel with the reader itself, which is quite difficult to produce but it seems you have done it with quite the ease.

I am thinking what I disliked in this write?- Well I believe you may strike a nerve or two with many here, which could affect the way you are viewed, but then again I can't really say it's something I disliked or I experienced so there you have it. I tried, but I am still trying to think what to criticize you on but I can't do as such at the moment.

Thank you for sharing had a good time reading this and gaining a certain satisfaction that I may not have been referred to in this write at any given point. ^^

[Relic]

Thank you for your review. What others think of me does not matter anymore. I've been here a long time and my time in the spotlight is long gone. I only visit once in a while now. I appreciate your thoughts.

[Érenn]

You're welcome Well I am not aware about the history you have had here as such so I can't comment on that ^^ But I am sill glad I read this ^^ And I have a feeling I will be having a good time reading your works whenever I get the time. ^^ So that is good enough for me ^^ Have good day (or night) [Time Zones can be a real pain] ^^

[Relic]

Thanks, you too.

[Great Aunt Astri]

Actually, Erenn, I think you should take some of this seriously! Oh, I see you wrote this a year ago. I am a bit slow off the mark! Sorry

[Falling Leaf.]

Haha. We've all got plenty to say about WC, the preteens on here with horrific emotional porn--add a vampire or werewolf, you've got a hit among the 13 year olds--oh gag me, grammar tossed to the wind, people all hot and bothered if your review is a tad scathing due to honesty. I try to leave thoughtful reviews, but when someone puts zero effort into their writing, why put any effort into my reviews? You made me laugh. Thank you.

[Relic]

I appreciate your review very much, thanks.

[annie lee]

Yes, I hear the sarcasm loud and clear. I spent several years long ago on the Open Diary Site, so I am indoctrinated into the mythical side of the internet. What bothers me here is the absolutely florid language, spewing pink butterflies and fairy dust and dozens of arcane, thesaurus-discovered words. I try to give reviews when I am requested to, but sometimes it is difficult to find anything positive to say about the uber-verbose pieces I am reading. My stuff sure looks plain-Jane along side theirs, but I want my poems to talk to people and make them think instead of drowning them in a sugar tsunami of unicorns and rococo visions. I have torn up a couple of folks about proof-reading and editing, spelling and grammar; it amazes me when I see the most glaring of proofreading mistakes. I know I ain't Shakespeare, but I think the glitz of the speedy electronic social networking world has desensitized a lot of people about respecting the language and words. Anyway, I really enjoyed this.

[Relic]

You sound like an intelligent person annie. Thanks so much for your input. I agree with your views. Sometimes simplicity is better than sounding like a professor of english. Depending on who the writer is, some can pull it off without a hitch. Others are transparent. You can't fake it I guess. As for the grammar, to me it's like stepping in a puddle as soon as the bad spelling and cursing come out. You notice it right away.

Glad you liked this.