a letter to guy

a small chapter in my life that has made me a little stronger today, i know its personal but i am not ashamed of my past, nor do i regret it.

Dear Guy,

 i told you i loved you, you managed to just simlpy walk away.

i sometimes think what would my life be like if you were different.

if you didnt choose your drugs over your children.

would you have said you loved me too?

would we still have movie nights when we spent time together?

would we listen to music, cook , laugh?

i know it wasnt much and even when i acted like i didnt care... i did.

unlike my mom and step dad, no matter how much i pushed them away, they loved me, never left me .... you did. I promised myself i wouldnt be like you.. and just today i said "i dont have the money for gas".

i hate you sometimes i miss you sometimes, and though you really werent there, i loved you. i can hardly look in the mirror, because every flaw i see is you.

my smile my teeth, my eyes, i hate thinking, i even think like you.

i have decided on not having children for fear that i will leave them just like you. i cant even hold a descent relationship, because i compare everyone to you. its been five years since you have signed your rights away, i hold a grudge against you.

you have showed me what i feared the most, how it feels to be forgotten. was it really that easy , just to sign the papers and you were no longer a father just a mere sperm donar?

how did you feel, relieved, full of freedom, pathetic, sorry, happy? just curious.

i dont know why i think of you as often as i dom it islike your in my f*****g head, get out and dissapear, its what your good at!

 

Author's Note

i do not expect any sympathy for this letter, it is simply something that i have written, and though guy will never recieve this letter, i like the thought that if maybe he surfed across this website, he would find it....

Reviews

[santa clause]

Well lady you know what i think. I think you would make a wonderful mother and you are a wonderful women.

[yinseriv]

No sympathy here. Writers draw from the well of soul along with imagination. Good work showing the internal process and how it effects your external relationships. I expect as long as you mine this pain for the words to validate it, you might just find a word or two marveling about your strength. Keep writing. Keep posting. Keep growing.

[a Messenger]

You may not want sympathy but there is a lot of pain and heartache expressed here. Very well expressed.
Despite the spelling, capitalization, and grammar, it is a good write.
Don't fear. You will become you, not your father.

Jerry

[Gravedigger]

...Amen. It is very plain that your words come directly from the soul, and that is the best place to reveal who you are. Your words are both bitter and beautiful, but like food that is prepared for the body to satisfy certain needs, so are words crafted to express the true feelings of the inner being, and the many flavors, bitter and beautiful, add a unique feeling and are needed to complete it all. To top it all, I know your pain (if you know what I mean...), so these words mean very much to me.
Brava, mon ami. I look forward to many more wonderful works from you...

[imnoromeo215]

lots of emotion and very personal but its almost to personal keeps the reader from truely understanding whats going on and check your last 2 lines again few typos mixed in over all though its a good read