CHAPTER 1 SURFERS PARADISE

FIRST BOOK IN ANGEL OF JUSTICE SERIES Lillian Thompson is a typical Surfer Paradise Surfer Chick or is she? With loving parents who are keeping one colossal secret from her.

I can’t breathe! Which way’s up?

I knew I shouldn’t have gone surfing today, but it had been raining for a week and I needed to surf, I had to surf! I’d had to get away from thoughts of Lachlan, who had been my best friend since Grade One. We had been peas in a pod, and when we hit high school it had turned into something more. Or so I’d thought. We’d talked about getting married. He had wanted kids straight away, but I’d said ‘no way’; I wanted a career in fashion and I had been accepted into university. He had laughed at me.

‘What sort of career is that?!’ he’d said.

‘Lachy, if you loved me you’d support me in whatever I want,’ I would throw at him, but I figured he was going to try and change my mind later. He would simply say, ‘Yes babe,  whatever you want.’

My surfboard leg strap jerked my ankle as the thrashing currents pulled the surfboard to the water’s surface and me after it. I emerged from the roiling ocean with a gasp. Bobbing up and down with the waves I reached for my surfboard and managed to slide on to it. Disorientated I looked around for the beach but what I saw terrified me, it was the biggest wave I’d ever seen! I didn’t have time to think. I turned the surfboard to face the freak wave head on and just before it pommelled me I tipped the surfboard nose to the ocean floor and I hung on for grim death. The power of the water ripped the surfboard out from under me and the strap yanked violently on my ankle and then I knew I was in real trouble when I felt it SNAP!

He rang up one Saturday morning a week ago and said he had to talk to me. We’d met at a park, which had a playground just down the street from my house. We sat on the swings together as we had done many times before on our way home from school. I waited patiently for the important “thing” he had to tell me, when he finally said; ‘I think we need a break, I’m not sure I want to marry you anymore’.  Just like that, like the relationship we had for over five years and all that had come before it could be turned off with a switch.

I was in shock. Lachlan was my whole world. My mother had tried to tell me our relationship was smothering and wasn’t healthy for my age, and that I should take time to smell the roses and see the world. But I hadn’t wanted to believe her.

‘But why Lachy? Did I do something wrong?’ I pleaded as I jumped off the swing to stand in front of him.

‘No. I…I just can’t do this anymore!’ he faltered.

‘But why, is it because I don’t want to have kids straight away?’ I begged, drawing closer to him, wanting desperately to touch him. He hopped off the swing and pushed past me. I felt the pressure in my eyes and I tried to hold back the tears which his abruptness had triggered. I turned to follow him, only to have him stop with his back to me a short distance away.

‘I just can’t ok! I don’t have to give you a reason, I just can’t.,’ he replied angrily. I couldn’t hold them back - the tears rolled down my cheeks.

I was exasperated. ‘Yes you do! Whatever is wrong just tell me and I will fix it!’ I edged as close to him as I dared. He turned around to look at me. A mournful look crossed his face when he saw my tears. His shoulders slumped and he put his hands in his pockets.

‘There is nothing you can do to fix this, I wish with all my heart there was, but there isn’t.’

 I could hear the sorrow in his voice. It just didn’t make sense.

I continued to plead with him; I begged him not to do this to us.  He was breaking my heart. I kept trying to reason with him and he kept putting distance between us until I couldn’t handle it any more.

I sobbed as I ran all the way home, threw myself on my bed and cried my heart out. ‘He wants something different to what I can give him and he has just decided to end it sooner than later,’ I rationalised. He just never really verbalised exactly why we had to break up.

We were perfect for each other, every afternoon after high school we would do our homework together, well we probably made out more than did homework. We would be together every waking hour on the weekend, except when I was surfing - he wasn’t into surfing. He was every teenage girl ' s dream the night of our high school formal with his golden sun bleached hair and tanned skin. In his black tux he was just under six feet with broad shoulders. He said such beautiful things to me that night and now a month later he was saying he didn’t want to be with me anymore. ‘Oh Lachy!’

I needed to shake this negative feeling off. I needed to shake Lachlan off. I thought I hadn’t done anything wrong to deserve his coldness, but still… maybe I had? I had to stop thinking about him. I thought I could handle the waves, they looked as angry as I felt. I thought the ocean would understand me today. Obviously I was delusional! I tumbled under the salty waves and through the bubbles. ‘I can’t hold my breath much longer! Mum and Dad are going to be so angry! My chest, it’s burning!’

Suddenly, something slammed into me and wrapped itself around my body and I felt myself pulled upwards. I could barely understand what was happening: I almost lost my last bit of breath and then we were going a million miles an hour. We burst out of the ocean and I gasped only to see another towering wave come crashing down on us. Whatever had saved me, it still held onto me with a vice-like grip and we were tossed around the ocean like rag dolls. Soon as there was a lull in the ocean churning, we shot up out of the ocean, and again I gasped.

I turned to see if there was another wave coming. There was, but this time the wave wasn’t nearly as close or as large but, large enough and close enough! I had a second to look down to see what held on to me. It was a man and he was beautiful.

‘Can you swim?’ he said.

I just stared at him and nodded my head, trying to catch my breath. He moved me to his left.

He smiled at me. ‘Let’s catch the next wave in, shall we?’

Again I just stared at him and nodded. I felt the build of the wave and started paddling. It was a big wave, not as big as the ones before it. We managed to bodysurf it and I was able to catch my breath as we glided on the wave. My lungs, my chest burned as I sucked in more air. I could see the beach ahead now as the wave broke, its strength dissipating. Then another wave built strength and loomed behind us. I started paddling again, my arms and legs felt like jelly as I pushed on to ride the wave closer to the beach. By the third wave I was almost there. I started swimming through the churning white wash, every muscle aching against the ripping undercurrents, and my lungs were stinging with every breath I took. I kept losing my footing as the ocean sucked up water from under me to make another wave to slam into me from behind. The ocean would pull me back and then push me forward. Finally, I touched the ocean floor. I pushed myself through the rest of the white wash to the beach with my last bit of breath and strength. Then I collapsed with an ungraceful bellyflop onto the sandy beach.

I coughed and spluttered and then felt a large, warm hand stroking my back.

‘Are you alright?’ the stranger asked gently.

When I didn’t respond after a minute or so, he continued.

‘Talk to me Lilly!’

That same gentle warm hand was now shoving me. I forced myself to roll over and I looked up into his eyes.

‘Lilly, you crazy girl, you scared the crap out of me,’ he said gently, with one hand holding my shoulder with an intensity in his eyes I didn’t understand. All I thought was ‘Oh man he’s hot, oh man I must look like crap covered in sand, my bikini is probably half off and I feel like such a fool. I should have worn my surf suit, but I wanted to be cold today because it matched how my heart felt. Oh man I was crazy for tackling the Surfers Paradise surf on a stormy day.’

‘What were you thinking? I didn’t know if I could reach you in time,’ he said, breaking through my thoughts as he searched my eyes.

I knew him. He was a regular surfer here; a famous, wealthy businessman. Although not that famous; I didn’t know his name. However, he would often smile and wave, or let me go first when our paths crossed, on land or on water. Other than that we had never spoken.

‘Lilly! Lilly!’ he shook my shoulders.

I stared at him a minute longer. ‘How did you know my name?’

‘What are you talking about? We’ve known each other for years. Besides, everyone knows the crazy sexy Surfers Paradise chick. You’re about the only girl I know who tackles the big waves.’ I coughed and laughed at the same time and propped myself up on one elbow. I dragged a clump of sandy hair out of my face and said, ‘Crazy, I believe’. He put his hand under my elbow, helped me to my feet, wrapped the other arm around my shoulder and pulled me against his tan bare hard chest. Which made me realise how cold I was, and I shivered.

‘You poor thing, come let’s get you your towel,’ he said giving me a squeeze. With his arm still around me we walked straight to my towel.

Wait - how did he even know where my towel was? But then, with a shock I remembered; ‘My surfboard, oh man!’

I swung around in his arm away from his chest, but his hand remained on me, as I looked behind us to scan the beach. The rain had died down but it was dark, windy and overcast. I couldn’t see it. ‘I just bought that board, it cost me a thousand bucks!’

‘Don’t worry about the board; I’m just glad I found you in time.’

I turned back in his arms towards his chest and he squeezed me a bit closer. I blushed as I looked up into his eyes. He must have been just over six feet, brown hair short back and sides, and those dark brown eyes just would melt any woman. He smiled with his eyes as he bent down and I thought he was going to kiss me. My heart skipped a beat, but he picked up my towel, shook off the sand and wrapped it around my shoulders instead.

 ‘Let’s get you home and warmed up.’  With that, he put his arm around me again and led me off the beach and to the car park where his Jeep Wrangler was. On top of his Jeep’s roof racks was his surfboard. Was he thinking of surfing today too or does his surfboard just live on top of his car? He opened the door of the Jeep for me and I was shivering as I started to dust the sand off myself and adjust my bikini. ‘Don’t worry about it.’ He put a strong hand under my elbow and helped me in all sandy and wet, onto his leather seats. As he started up the Jeep and turned up the air conditioning heat, I wrapped my damp towel around myself tighter. It wasn’t really keeping me warm. I leaned forward towards to the air conditioning vents and warmed my hands and face. He reached back to grab another towel off the backseat and threw it on to my lap. ‘Thanks, aah?’ I couldn’t remember his name.

‘Ethan,’ he filled in promptly.

‘Thank you Ethan, and not just for the towel either, you saved my life.’ He looked at me thoughtfully, smiled and raised his left hand to my face and stroked my cheek slowly. I resisted leaning into the warmth of his hand.

‘I know, I’m just glad I was there in time. I couldn’t imagine going surfing and never seeing you there.’

I just stared at him like the dumbfounded 18 year old I was! He pulled his hand away and I felt the loss of warmth, as he put it on the gear stick and turned his head to look out the back of the Jeep as he started reversing out of the car park.

‘I hope this doesn’t turn you off surfing. There’s a surfing comp coming up called Girls Surf Slam Queensland Championship in two weeks; you should give it ago,’ he said while driving.

‘I don’t think so, I just stuff around and I’ve had no formal lessons.’ I replied.

‘You’re a natural. In fact you can pay me back for saving your life.’ He looked at me with a cheeky grin, butterflies swirled in my belly. I shyly looked away. What was that! I know he is handsome and all…

‘How could I possibly do that?’ I said mystified. 

He looked back at the road and said, ‘Promise me you will enter the surfing competition in three weeks.’

‘Oh, ok. I hardly think that will repay you, but if it will make you happy I will give it a go,’ I said doubtfully, not understanding why he even cared.

‘Yes, that would make me very happy,’ he said as he gave me a quick sideways glance with a smile and turned his head back to the road.

I tried not to stare at the half naked mystery man beside me as I pondered his intentions. He is so much older than me, he was a real man not like the boy Lachy is. He was probably just being nice to a silly teenage girl who he had saved from a near death experience. I shouldn’t of let Lachy affect me like that, it’s not healthy. I’m so stupid.

We were soon at my house. He pulled over in front of it. ‘Well, we’re here.’ He opened the door and jumped out before I could say anything. Only then did I realise I hadn’t told him my address. My door popped open beside me, which pulled me from my thoughts. There he was holding the door open for me, still with no shirt and with his hand out. I looked at his out stretched hand and up his muscular bicep to his chest where every muscle was etched in perfect defined detail and then to his beautiful face smiling at me. He was almost too perfect. His smile widened. ‘Did it please him that I admired his physical state or was he like that with any girl or woman?’

‘Coming?’

Oops, caught ogling, my cheeks burned. Could I be any more stupid? ‘Yes, thank you Ethan.’ I took his hand and slid out of the Jeep. He closed the door behind us and walked me to my front door.’ ‘Oh here’s your towel back.’ I handed him the towel.

‘Thanks,’ he said, taking the towel from my hand and looking into my eyes warmly ‘If you need anything Lilly, you give me a call won’t you, day or night.’ Then his face changed, he ran back to the Jeep, and when he returned, he handed me a business card. ‘That’s got my mobile number on it.’

I looked at the business card in my hand; it was plain white, with Ethan Knight, CEO, Diamond Corp . and his mobile number, printed in black ink. I looked up at him . ‘I’m sure you are way too busy to help silly teenage girls getting themselves into trouble for no good reason.’ I tried to give him the card back. He wrapped both his hands around my hand that was holding the business card. Ethan pushed my hand to my waist and his body followed close behind. His head bent down and before I knew it his face was close to mine.

‘No, no, you owe me. Keep this card and you call me if you need anything, and I mean anything,’ he said with his attractive smile.

 I didn’t know whether to be freaked or flattered, but I didn’t feel cold any more. He smiled then kissed me on my cheek. ‘Remember, in three weeks I expect to see you there surfing up a storm!’ He ran back to the Jeep and drove off without looking back. I just stood there and stared with my hand on the cheek he’d kissed.

Boy, did I get a dressing down from my parents. My dad was the worst ‘You know better to go out in that sort of weather and you wasted a thousand dollars. I told you that was too much to spend on a piece of foam.’

The next couple of weeks were fairly dull. I worked my shifts as a checkout chick at the local supermarket and volunteered a St Vinnie’s Op Shop. I started these jobs as soon as it was legal to work at age fourteen. The extra cash was great, but it was dad who pushed me into it really. He was an international lawyer and travelled a lot, helping people who were worse off than us. You’d think with him being a lawyer we would have lots of money but I had feeling dad did a lot of pro bono work. He’d always encouraged me to live selflessly and help others, and drilled into me the importance of a good work ethic. Needless to say, he wasn’t impressed with my dreams of working in fashion design.

However, I knew I was well loved by my parents and never wanted for much. I had a pretty good life. I shouldn’t be hung up on some teenage boy. However, that didn’t stop me ruminating about what went wrong between Lachlan and I.  I would replay it in my head over and over again. He wasn’t returning any of my calls, he was never home when I went around to his house, and his father merely said, ‘He’s not here, and I wouldn’t go near him if I were you.’

Lachlan’s mother died in child birth and his dad had always been a bit weird, he gave me the creeps. Not in a sexual way, but in a dangerous way; something in his eyes suggested… instability. Then another figure would keep creeping into my daydreams: Mr Knight and his kiss on my cheek.

 

Ethan surprised me with a new surfboard a week before the surf comp early on a Saturday morning. Somehow, I hadn’t been able to say no.

Man, I had fun that morning! The surfboard was perfectly balanced for me, the sun shone, and the waves were great. Ethan was chasing me across the ocean on his surfboard, he was extremely good and he was so funny as he showed off his aerial manoeuvres. He really seemed so… so happy I guess. Not that I knew him that well; maybe he was like that all the time.

 With my new surfboard tucked under my arm, I walked towards Ethan, who’d finished before me and was soaking up the sun. As I approached, he took off his sunglasses and raised a brow. I grinned.

“If I don’t get some breakfast soon, I’m going to faint!”

Ethan laughed and rose, dusting sand off his legs. “You’re right; I forgot!”

He took me for breakfast at the local coffee shop.  I ordered a big breakfast and a cappuccino. He just had a cappuccino. We chatted over breakfast, mainly about the future, my future. I told him I wanted to be a fashion designer and have my own label.

“After I’ve finished university, I want to have a boutique shop in every major city of Australia,” I added.

Ethan paused, and put his mug down. “I’d be more than happy to help you set up your business model and marketing,” he offered.

“You’re too busy to bother with my crap.”

He gave me one of those smiles that made me melt. “I would never be too busy for you.” 

I was still mystified by his attention.

As we talked we found out we both loved art and decided we should both go check out the art gallery one day. I hadn’t been since a primary school excursion. I confessed I enjoyed dabbling in painting. He said I’d have to show him some of my paintings, but I told Ethan not even the daylight gets to see them. I tried to ask him questions about his work, but he kept skirting around it and said it was all boring, which I didn’t believe for a second. We both liked sports in general. I told him I played basketball on a Sunday afternoon with my high school buddies. One of them used to be Lachlan, but he hadn’t shown up since, that fateful day he broke my heart. I thought he still wouldn’t mind playing basketball with me, but obviously not!

Ethan caught me pondering. ‘What are you thinking about?’

I blushed.

‘Aaah, a boy,’ He fiddled with his cup of coffee on the table as he stared at it. He lent back in his chair. ‘You shouldn’t let silly little boys get you down Lilly you certainly shouldn’t be throwing your life away over them. They’re not worth it.’ He raised his head to look into my eyes with the same intensity I saw on the beach the day he rescued me ‘You’re meant for…someone who can give you so much more.’ We stared at each for I don’t know how long. I didn’t know what to make of what he just said, was he implying he was that person, he couldn’t possibly. I was first to break the eye contact and  I changed the subject.

 ‘Have you done any martial arts, Ethan?’

He gave me a knowing look. I was trying to change the topic, but he played along instead of calling me on it.

‘Yes kickboxing mainly, but I have dabbled in other techniques,’ he said.

I told him, ‘My dad signed me up when I was twelve to do tae kwon do. I’ve being doing it ever since.’

‘That’s really good, your father is wise. Nothing sexier than a woman who can take care of herself.’

I laughed, then thought, is he flirting with me. ‘Yeah, yeah, I don’t think that’s what Dad had in mind when he signed me up,’ I said. Ethan chuckled warmly. I couldn’t help but stare at him. I wanted to ask him ‘Why? Why would you be interested in me, plain Jane?’  Yes, I was fit and tanned, but so were ninety percent of Surfers Paradise teenagers and women for that fact. I had average brown wavy long hair, nothing new there, hazel eyes, certainly nothing special about that either. I was not so well endowed in the chest department, but I didn’t mind.  If they were any bigger I would bounce off the surfboard every time I jumped into the ocean. 

‘What?’ he said.

Dictionary definition of ‘Chicken’ is ‘Lillian Thomson!’

‘Thanks for the surfboard; it’s really generous of you.’ I smiled.

‘My pleasure,’ he smiled back. There was that smile again, it made me forget my troubles, whatever they were.

I couldn’t believe it, I was in the finals! It was a typical beautiful sunny Surfers Paradise day. The sand glowed and the ocean glittered and I was in the zone!

I looked out over the ocean at my competitors. I felt two hands on my shoulders.

‘Hey Lilly.’

‘Ethan!’ I turned towards him.

He moved to be beside me on my left and his right hand slipped down to my waist and rested just above my bikini bottoms. We shouldn’t be this comfortable with each other, but I didn’t move from his touch.

Ethan leaned into my ear ‘Congratulations, you made it to the finals. How you feeling?’

‘Nervous as hell! Where have you been? I’ve been looking in the crowd for you all morning.’ I slapped my hand against his very firm chest. I looked at him, annoyed when I knew I shouldn’t have been. With guilt on his face he looked out to the ocean then back to me.

‘Sorry Lilly, I was trying to get here as soon as I could, but there were things I had to deal with at work. You obviously survived without me.’ He gave me a squeeze. ‘You are going to win this and then there will be no stopping you.’

I looked at the ocean. ‘Doubt it.’ I glanced at him sideways. ‘I love surfing, but I’d never make a career out of it. I’m just a knockabout girl. It would just be my luck to miss out on the winning the finals,’ I whined. 

‘I believe in you Lilly, you’ll win.’ My name was called out over the speaker; it was time to see who was right - Ethan or me.

 

Mum, Dad and some of my friends from school came rushing at me as I came out of the surf onto the beach.

They jumped up and down ‘You won! You won!’ I just looked shocked for a minute then heard the scores over the loudspeaker and time stood still.

Then I screamed ‘Yesssss!’ and jumped up and down with them. I looked around for Ethan but couldn’t see him. An official came and led me away for the awards ceremony.

Author's Note

It's my first time at writing - be gentle...

Reviews

[Skai Rain]

This is great for a first time story. I am serious, I found my first book recently and it was utter crap. Be proud. I like how your characters are already showing some personality but my advice would be to give the main female some BIG personality trait to keep her from just being one of those "Step into her shoes" characters. More importantly, please make the font slightly bigger and add some spaces between paragraphs so it does not seem quite so overwhelming. Thank you for sharing, I look forward to reading more!

[JCWilliams]

Take 2 - Second version now up - I think there will be more changes to come, but let me know what you think!

[Rachel P]

I really enjoyed reading this, I like you idea and the story line. I would like to say I think you should embellish the meaning - as in the emotion - of Lilly and Lachlan's relationship and what it had meant to her, along with the wanting to get married, having kids. Also make sure you slow things down just a bit, I have been told that you should try to explain things in as little as possible, however I strongly believe you should take what you have and spread it out a bit, because in my opinion, especially at the beginning it seems rushed, of course with her panicked state of mind you would want that but not in a choppy sort of way. You should try to give the reader her emotion without explain exactly why she feels that way, and then go on to explain that he had broken her heart. And also don't be afraid to use the terms such as "broke my heart" instead of "dumped" because when you write "dumped" it feels as if it were dumped on the page. Another thing is you can describe the new emotions she is feeling with this mysterious Ethan character, because he is older, attractive, successful, kind to her. Any teenage girl - or at least me - would be overcome with butterflies and be swooning uncontrollably, and you could have a field day with comparing how she felt with being with "Lach" and "Ethan" because it is two difference, I'm guessing romantic interests, it is always great and entertaining for them to be compared (Edward and Jacob? Peeta and Gale?) I hope you don't mind any of my advice but I do truly enjoy your story and I hope to read more. :)

[JCWilliams]

Yes i agree with you totally! I am going through this chapter now to slow it down a bit and also adding more emotion like you said. Thanks heaps for your time!

[Rachel P]

Oh it is my pleasure!

[Star]

Passionate-, really good first attempt. It really moved me. Give me some tips on how to write romance, please

[JCWilliams]

I like tension in a romance, when they seem so close yet so far.

[WhiteWolfAvenger]

I liked this! Like some people have pointed out, there are a few grammar mistakes ("...it had turn into something more", just should changed "turn" to "turned", and stuff like that). But if you have a friend who is going to go through and find those things, then you should be okay (I'd point them out for you if you wanted, but if a friend is willing, more power to them) Also, you have a good friend!
I'm curious to see where the story goes (I definitely want to keep reading!). The flirting is...interesting ;)
It seems a tad too strong (the flirting) for how quick things seem to be going, but that's personal opinion. You do what feels right to you :)

[Glen Yumang Manese]

I can’t breathe! Which ways up?
I shouldn’t have gone surfing today, but it had been raining for a week and I needed to surf, I had to surf! I had to get away from thoughts of Lachlan, who had been my best friend, since Grade 1. We had been peas in a pod, and when we hit high school it had turn into something more. Or so I’d thought. We’d talked about getting married. He had wanted kids right away, but I’d said ‘no way’; I wanted a career in fashion and I had been accepted into university. He had laughed at me.
‘What sort of career is that?!’ he said.
‘Lachy, if you loved me you’d support me in whatever I want.’ I would throw a gesture at him, but I figured he was going to try and change my mind later. He would simply say,
‘Yes, babe whatever you want.’
He came up one Saturday morning a week ago and said he had to talk to me. We’d met at a park, that had a playground just down the street from my house and we sat on the swings together, when he came out of the blue with; ‘I think we need a break, I’m not sure I want to marry you anymore’. Just like that, like the relationship we had could be turned off with a switch.
I was in shock. Lachlan had been my whole world. My mother had tried to tell me our relationship was smothering and wasn’t healthy for my age, and that I should take time to smell the roses and see the world. But I hadn’t wanted to believe her.
I pleaded with him; I begged him not to do this to us. I didn’t understand, was it not wanting children right away, which I insisted on going and not starting a family straight away? Where we ever on the same page?
I was so upset he cut my heart in two. I kept trying to reason with him and he kept pushing me away and I couldn’t handle it any more.
I ran all the way home, threw myself on my bed and cried. He wanted something different to what I could give him and he has just decided to end it sooner than later, I rationalised. He just never really verbalised exactly why we had to break up. He had been such a gentleman at our high school formal and said such beautiful things to me. It was the perfect night and then a month later, he said he didn’t want to be with me anymore. Oh Lachy!
I needed to shake this negative feeling and Lachlan off. I hadn’t done anything wrong to deserve his coldness, but still maybe I had? I had to stop thinking about him. I thought I could handle the waves they looked as angry as I felt, the ocean would understand me today. Obviously, I was delusional and had teenage indestructible disease!’ I tumbled under the salty waves and through the bubbles. ‘I can’t hold my breath much longer! Mum and Dad are going to be so angry! My chest, it’s burning!’
Suddenly, something slammed into me and wrapped itself around my body and I felt myself pulled upwards. I could barely understand what was happening: I almost lost my last breath and then we were going a million miles an hour. Then we burst out of the ocean and I gasped only to see another towering wave come crashing down on us. Whatever had saved me, it still held onto me with a vice-like grip and we tossed around the ocean like rags dolls. Soon as there was a lull in the ocean churning, we shot up out of the ocean, and again I gasped.
This time the wave I saw wasn’t as close or as large, but large enough and close enough! I had a second to process that I’d been saved by a man. And he was beautiful.
‘Can you swim?’ he said.
I just stared at him and nodded my head, trying to catch my breath. He moved me to his left.
‘Let’s catch the next wave in shall we?’ he smiled.
Again, I just stared at him and nodded. I felt the build of the wave and started paddling. It was a big wave, but we managed to body surf it. I was able to catch my breath as we glided on the wave. My lunges, my chest burned as I gasped for more air. I could see the beach ahead now and the wave broke and its strength was dissipating, then another wave built strength and loomed behind us and I started paddling again to ride the wave closer to the beach. By the third wave I was almost there. I started swimming through the churning white wash, every muscle aching against the ripping under currents, and my lunges were stinging with every breath I took. I kept losing my footing as the ocean sucked up water from under me to make another wave to slam into me from behind. The ocean would pull me back and then push me forward. Finally, touched the ocean floor. I pushed myself through the rest of the white wash to the beach with my last bit of breath and strength. Then I collapsed with an ungraceful belly flop into the sandy beach.
I coughed and splatted and then felt a large, warm hand stroking my back.
‘Are you alright’ the stranger asked gently.
When I didn’t respond after a minute or so, he continued.
‘Talk to me, Lilly!’
That same gentle warm hand was now shoving me. I forced myself to roll over and I looked up into his eyes.
‘Lilly, you crazy girl, you scared the crap out of me.’ he said gently, with one hand holding my shoulder with an intensity in his eyes I didn’t understand. All I thought was ‘oh man he’s hot, oh man I must look like crap covered in sand, my bikini is probably half off and I felt like such a fool. I should have worn my surf suit, but I wanted to be cold today because it matched how my heart felt. Oh man, I was crazy for tackling the Surfers Paradise waves on a stormy day.
‘What were you thinking? I didn’t know if I could reach you in time.’ He said breaking through my thoughts as he searched my eyes.
I knew him. He was a regular surfer here; a famous, wealthy businessman. Though not that famous; I didn’t know his name. However, he would often smile and wave, or let me go first when our paths crossed, on land or on water. Other than that we had never spoken.
‘Lilly! Lilly!’ he shook my shoulders.
I stared at him a minute longer. ‘How did you know my name?’
‘What are you talking about? We’ve know each other’s for years. Besides, everyone knows the crazy sexy Surfer Paradise chick. You’re about the only girl I know who tackles the big waves.’ I coughed and laughed at the same time and propped myself up on one elbow and said ‘Crazy, I believe’. He put his hand under my elbow and helped me to my feet and wrapped the other arm around my shoulder and pulled me against his tan bare hard chest. Which made me realise how cold I was and I shivered.
‘You poor thing, come let’s get you your towel’ he said giving me a squeeze. With his arm still around me as we walked straight to my towel.
Wait - how did he even know where my towel was? But then, with a shock I remembered; ‘My surf board, oh man!’
I swung around in his arm away from his chest, but his hand remained on me, as I looked behind us to scan the beach. The rain had died down, but it was dark, windy and overcast. I couldn’t see it. ‘I just bought that board, it cost me a thousand bucks!’
‘Don’t worry about the board; I’m just glad I found you in time.’
I turned back in his arms towards his chest. He squeeze me a bit closer and I blushed as I looked up into his eyes. He must have been about six foot, brown short back and sides and those dark brown eyes, just would melt any woman. He smiled with his eyes as he bent down and I thought he was going to kiss me, my heart skipped a beat, but he picked up my towel and shook off the sand and wrapped it around my shoulders instead. A flash of disappointment hit me.
I shook it off as he said ‘Let’s get you home and warmed up.’ With that he put his arm around me again, led me off the beach and to the car park where his Jeep Wrangler was. On top of his Jeep’s roof racks was his surf board. Was he thinking of surfing today too or does his surf board just live on top of his car? He opened the door of the Jeep for me and I was shivering as I started to dust the sand off myself and adjusting my bikini. ‘Don’t worry about it.’ he put a strong hand under my elbow and helped me in, all sandy and wet on to his leather seats. As he started up the Jeep and turned up the heat. I wrapped my damp towel around myself tighter, which wasn’t really keeping me warm. I leaned forward towards the vents and warmed my hands and face. He reach back to grab another towel off the backseat and threw it on to my lap. ‘Thanks aah?’ I couldn’t remember his name.
‘Ethan.’ He filled in promptly.
‘Thank you Ethan and not just for the towel either, you saved my life.’ He looked at me thoughtfully, smiled and raised his left hand to my face and stroked my cheek slowly. ‘I know, I’m just glad I was there in time, I couldn’t imagine going surfing and never seeing you there.’
I just stared at him like the dumbfounded 18 year old I was, so naïve! He pulled his hand away and put it on the gear stick and turned his head to look out the back of the Jeep as he started reversing out of the car park.
‘I hope this doesn’t turn you off surfing. There is a surfing comp coming up called Girls Surf Slam Queensland Championship is in two weeks; you should give it a go.’ He said while driving.
‘I don’t think so, I just surf around and I have had no formal lessons.’ I replied.
‘You’re a natural. In fact you can repay me back for saving your life.’ He looked at me with a cheeky grin that would make any girl sit up and beg.
‘How could I possibly do that?’ I said stunned. Was he flirting with me?
He looked back at the road and said, ‘Promise me, you will enter the surfing competition in two weeks.’
‘Oh, ok. I hardly think that will repay you, but if it will make you happy I will give it a go.’ I said doubtfully.
‘Yes that would make me very happy.’ He said as he gave me a quick glance with a smile and turned his head back to the road. We were soon at my house. He pulled over in front of it. ‘Well, we’re here.’ He opens the door and jumped out, before I could say anything. Only then did I realize I hadn’t told him my address. My door popped open beside me, which pulled me from my thoughts. There he was holding the door open for me, still with no shirt and with his hand out. I looked at his hand and up his muscular bicep to look beyond his perfect body and glance up to his beautiful face smiling at me, he was almost too perfect. His smile widened.
‘Coming?’
Oops, caught ogling. Could I be any more stupid? ‘Yes, thank you Ethan.’ And I took his hand and slid out of the Jeep, he closed the door behind us and walked me to my front door.’ ‘Oh here’s your towel back.’ I handed him the towel.
‘Thanks’ he said taking the towel from my hand and looked into my eyes earnestly ‘If you need anything Lilly, you give me a call won’t you, day or night.’ Then his face changed, he ran back to the Jeep, and when he returned, he handed me a business card. ‘That’s got my mobile number on it.’
I looked at the business card; it was plain white, with Ethan Knight, CEO, Diamond Corp and his mobile number, printed in black ink. I looked up at him ‘I’m sure you are way too busy to help silly teenage girls getting themselves in to trouble for no good reason.’ I tried to give him the card back. He wrapped both his hands around my hand that was holding the business card. Ethan pushed my hand to my waist and his body followed close behind. His head bent down and before I knew it his face was close to mine.
‘No, no, you owe me, keep this card and you call me if you need anything and I mean anything,’ he said with his attractive smile.
I didn’t know whether to be freaked or flattered, but I didn’t feel cold any more. He smiled then kissed me on my cheek. ‘Remember two weeks, I expect to see you there surfing up a storm!’ He ran back to the Jeep and drove off without looking back. I just stood there and stare with my hand on the cheek he kissed.
Boy, didn’t I get a dressing down from my parents. My dad was the worst ‘You know better to go out in that sort of weather and you wasted a $1000 dollars. I told you that was too much to spend on a piece of foam.’
The next couple of the weeks were fairly dull. I worked my shifts as a check out chick at the local super market and volunteered a St Vinnie’s Op Shop. I started these jobs as soon as it was legal to work at age fourteen. Dad pushed me into it really, he was an international lawyer and travelled a lot, helping people who were worse off than us. You’d think being a lawyer we would have lots of money, but I had a feeling dad did a lot of pro bono work. He’d always encouraged me to live selflessly and help others, and drilled into me the importance of a good work ethic. Needless to say, he wasn’t impressed with my dreams of working in fashion design.
However, I knew I was well loved by my parents and never wanted for much. I had a pretty good life, I shouldn’t be hung up on some teenage boy. However, that didn’t stop me ruminating about what went wrong between Lachlan and I. I would replay it in my head over and over again. He wasn’t returning any of my calls, he was never home, when I went around to his house, and his father merely said; ‘He’s not here, and I wouldn’t go near him if I were you.’
Lachlan’s mother died at child birth and his dad had always been a bit weird, he’d give me the creeps. Not in a sexual way, but in a dangerous way; something in his eyes suggested…instability. Then another figure would keep creeping into my day dreams: Mr. Knight and his kiss on my cheek.
Ethan had surprised me with a new surfboard a week, before the surf comp on an early Saturday morning. Somehow, I hadn’t been able to say no.
Man, I had fun that morning, the surfboard was perfectly balanced for me, the sun shone and the waves where great. Ethan was chasing me across the waves on his surf board, he was so funny and just seems so…so happy I guess. Not that I knew him that well; maybe he was like that all the time.
With my new surfboard tucked under my arm, I walked towards Ethan, who’d finished, before me and was soaking up the sun. As I approached, he took off his sunglasses and raised a brow. I grinned.
“If I don’t get some breakfast soon, I’m going to faint!”
Ethan laughed and rose, dusting sand off his legs. “You’re right; I forgot!”
He took me for breakfast at the local coffee shop. I ordered a big breakfast and a cappuccino and he just had a cappuccino. We chatter over breakfast, mainly about the future, my future. I told him I wanted to be a fashion designer and have my own label
“After, I’ve finished, I want to have a boutique shop in every major city of Australia,” I added.
Ethan paused, and put his mug down. “I’d be more than happy to help you set up your business model and marketing,” he offered.
“You’re too busy to bother with my crap.”
He gave me one of those smiles that made me melt. “I would never be too busy for you.”
As we talked, we found out both love art and go check out the art gallery one day. I hadn’t been, since a primary school excursion. I confessed I enjoyed dabbling in painting. He said I’ll have to show him some of my paintings, but I told Ethan not even the daylight gets to see them. I tried to ask him questions about his work, but he kept skirting around it and said it was all boring, which I didn’t believe for a second. We both liked sports in general. I told him I played basketball on a Sunday afternoon with my high school buddies. Which one of them use to be Lachlan, but he hadn’t shown up since he dumped me. I thought he still wouldn’t mind playing basketball with me, but, obviously not!
Ethan caught me pondering ‘What are you thinking about?’
I blushed, ‘Aaah, a boy.’ He said.
I change the subject ‘Have you done any martial arts Ethan?’
He gave me a knowing look, I was trying to change the subject, which he played along with instead of calling me on it.
‘Yes, kick boxing mainly, but I have dabbled in other techniques.’ He said.
I told him ‘My dad signed me up when I was twelve to do tae kwon do. I have being doing it ever since.’
‘That’s really good, your father is wise. Nothing sexier than a woman who can take care of herself.’
I laughed, then thought, he is flirting with me. ‘Yeah, yeah, I don’t think that’s what Dad had in mind when he signed me up.’ I said. I looked at Ethan he just smiled his sexy smile again.
‘What?’ he said.
‘Thanks for the surfboard it’s really generous of you.’ I smiled.
‘My pleasure.’ He smiled back. That smile made me forget about my troubles, whatever they were. I’m going to be ok, I think.
I couldn’t believe it, I was in the finales! It was a typical beautiful sunny Surfers Paradise day, the sand glowed and the ocean glittered and I was in the zone!
I looked out over the ocean at my competitors. I felt two hands on my shoulders.
‘Hey, Lilly’
‘Ethan!’ I turned towards him.
He moved to be beside me on my left and his right hand slipped down to my waist and rested just above my bikini bottoms.
Ethan leaned into my ear ‘Congratulations, you made it to the finales, how you feeling?’
‘Nervous as hell, where have you been? I’ve been looking in the crowd for you all morning.’ I slapped my hand on his very firm chest. I looked at him annoyed, when I know I shouldn’t of. With guilt on his face he looked out to the ocean than back to me.
‘Sorry Lilly, I was trying to get here as soon as I could, but there was things I had to deal with at work. You obviously survived without me.’ He gave me a squeeze. ‘You are going to win this and then there will be no stopping you.’
I looked at the ocean. ‘Doubt it’ I glanced at him sideways ‘I love surfing, but I’d never make a career out of it. I’m just a knockabout girl. It would just be my luck to miss out on winning the finales.’ I wined.
‘I believe in you Lilly, you’ll win.’ My name was called out over the speaker; it was time to see if Ethan was right or me.

Mum, Dad and some of my friends from school came rushing at me as I came out of the surf onto the beach.
They jumped up and down ‘You won! You won!’ I just looked shocked for a minute and heard the scores over the speaker phone and time stood still.
Then I scream ‘Yesssss!’ and jumped up and down with them. I looked around for Ethan, but couldn’t see him. An Official came and led me away for the official awards ceremony.

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I went through the entirety of this narrative...seems a girl coming of age and just recently broken up with a fiance...seems a bit young --- and all for that --- to get married and start college for fashion design...and in the mist of it all...faith takes over and she meets Ethan...the perfect charmer and turns things around for her...so it seems as this comes to an ending...I edit as I read to save time and give an over-all perspective of your work...and if you read through the above version...you will see the mistakes --- that I corrected and can imply them to fit your work...as with the editing for grammar and spelling...there was an ample amount...but it's easy to do --- when someone points them out to you...but that's what makes a story better --- I would tighten this narrative a bit more...and watch out for your usage of commas where needed...when explaining to the audience...give them time to pace and take in the moments...it runs on as I read the story...but I made it to the ending...so that's saying something...like I said look over the entire --- and continue...

[JCWilliams]

Wow thanks so much, really appreciate the effort you went to edit the chapter! So do you think i need to clarify earlier to the reader that she has just finished high school and is 18 and uni starts the following year (These are normal ages for Australian's for school & uni not sure about other countries) and she wasn't engage but they had just been high school sweet hearts that had talked about getting married? I also liked what you said about the story running on, i think i get scared about making the book go too slow, so i will have to teach myself to pace better and smell the roses! Thanks again, i will savor what you said and see if i can do better!

[Glen Yumang Manese]

Yes..I would go ahead and say that..or even write an add on in the beginning and put the school's name --- time and date...etc...I was going to ask you what "uni" meant...and you can put that back in where I depleted it...since I read it as a typo...LOL...I do realized /(realised) --- is the way you use your words with an (s) vice (z)..you're welcome...and have it...

[JCWilliams]

That's a good idea about the school name, time and date - simple change but can make all the difference to the reader! I should of put "university" which is what "uni" is short for to make more sense to people. I have to be careful of using Australian slang. Also our english is of the UK version which uses "s" instead of "z" as per American English, which you already mentioned. Where American english would spell "Color" - UK/Australian English is spelt "Colour" same with "Savor" to "Savour." I suppose an Editor would make sure all that is right depending where they released books. It's all very interesting! Thanks again! :-)

[Glen Yumang Manese]

Editors are evil...spell it backwards I'll show ya...but they have their purpose...I was happy with the outcome of my first book...and the Editor told me it was easy to go over mine...since I must of edited it myself a 100 times...she told me see you in 6 months...6 weeks later...I got the go ahead from her --- the book is ready to go to the final revision --- needless to say --- I had to edit more of their mistakes...to the book...but it's give and take...in the process of book making...editing is 99.9 percent...writing it...that's the easy part...just bleed out...every once of it...Good day...

[lee_jang]

it's cute. i've found myself smiling as i went through the lines of Ethan and Lilly. I like the descriptions when Lilly was surfing and almost did not make it, but she did eventually, because of a stranger. I like the idea that she's being watched by a CEO. Hahahaha. We, girls, all love that. Will you make a novel out of this or a short story? The flirting is quite too fast but it's okay. It depends on how you want your story to be made. It's your style anyway. It's cute. :-)))

[JCWilliams]

I really appreciate your feed back! 'Watched by a CEO' your alter ego can accidentally shine through when you are writing LOL! I have written a novel over 100,000 words. I was aiming at youngish adult and up - certainly not trying to compete with Shakespeare! I appreciate what you said about the flirting - I had a friend read this chapter too and interesting what you think in your head as a writer is going on, can be different to the reader. I will ask her to if the flirting is a bit full on and might change it to be more subtle - it might make more sense though when reading the book further. But your comments are great, thanks heaps for taking the time to read it!

[Carla Hurd]

You are a natural! This was really good for a first chapter and it left me qanting more! Really good job! The only issue was a few spelling errors

[JCWilliams]

Just wanted say thanks for the encouragement! I have a friend who is hopefully finding all my spelling an gramma mistakes for me!

[JordanIsaacSmith]

Fantastic piece of writing and great story. I'd have organised the sentence structure a little differently, but that's just me! I like a fairly complex sentence structure. There are a few grammar mistakes and a couple of spelling mistakes that I noticed. Other than that keep up the great work.

[JCWilliams]

Just wanted say thanks for the encouragement! I have a friend who is hopefully finding all my spelling an gramma mistakes for me! I appreciate the advice about the sentence structure too!