I no longer recognise myself.

I reach toward my bedside table to reveal the knife I had hidden inside the empty tissue case.

 

I can feel the aching of my veins, they control my inner thoughts, wanting to be opened, wanting to be exposed.

 

No time for quick decisions, I can't choose to just ignore, so I bring the blade towards my pale white skin.

 

Which quickly turns to crimson, I suck in my breath to avoid my pain from escaping my lips.

 

Tears stinging my eyes, burning down my raw skin, my heart aching, I feel sick from the inners of my being.

 

What are people going to say? Attention seeker! emo! loser! the hateful words I am yet to come by.

 

I play with my blood, tracing the blade with my bloody finger, and I slowly begin to look up.

 

When I look into the mirror I see the devil, I'm no longer me, and I never will be.

Author's Note

# This is a little different to my usual style.

#I'll happily fix grammar and spelling, please point it out.

# tell me what you think honestly.

#The ending I'm not too sure about, any thoughts on that one?

Reviews

[Leah]

The second line is sexy. BUT since you asked for honesty, here's how it would have captured me instantly:

" I reached toward my bedside table. My being wished to reveal of a blade that I had hidden away in an old empty tissue case.

I could feel the aching of my veins for they controlled my most intrinsic thoughts... Wishing to be opened... Waiting... to be exposed.

No time for quick decisions, I cannot choose to avoid any longer. So I brought the blade toward my pale white skin...

Quickly, it turns crimson! My lips imprisoned my pain as I held my breath.

Tears stung my eyes, burning my raw skin. My heart ached even more as I was sickened within my innermost being.

Tongues shall soon wag of my act. " Fool! Attention w***e! Dirty emo!" Hateful words that I have yet to come by.

As I played with my blood, tracing the rosey blade with my finger, I slowly began to look up.

And as I looked into the mirror, what I saw was the Devil. For I am no longer what I was before. And never will I ever be."

Firstly, your enchanting poem was of past tense. Try comparing and recognizing the changes! Proper punctuations, proper usage of different relative words, capitalizing and of course, grammar. Nonetheless m'dear, everyone has different ideas of how their poems or writings should be composed. I do apologize for messing up your work though.

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

Different yes, but lends to the growth of your mind as a writer, well done, good read.

[patricia]

i take my cue in reviewing this from your title...I no longer recognise myself. This is a tortured write, expressing many emotions and fears, i think you have shown the nature of this theme quite well, thanks.

[Morrigan Nicole]

this makes me unsure of how to review. it was good, no doubt, just.... i dunno, but it is always a pleasure to read your writing.

[Michelle_H]

Very interesting and great imagery. Maybe the ending could say 'I see a stranger' instead of the devil? Just a thought since you mentioned you weren't sure about it.

[Victorious]

Dear SuicidePact.,

This line bothered me, "No time for quick decisions." The whole ordeal is a quick decision because it's a desire that the narrator has "chosen" to act upon. The line seems disconnected from the rest of the stanza is what I am saying.

And this line, "I suck in my breath to avoid my pain from escaping my lips" is awkward. What were your lips preparing to do, scream? If the narrator had hidden the knife and couldn't ignore his or her yearning skin, he or she has done it before, so it seems a bit strange. Try revising it.

This line "I feel sick from the inners of my being" is vague. Add some detail. This idea is old, so add some fresh detail. Actually the whole line is a nit of a cliche.

"I am yet to come by?" what does this mean?

And finally the last line. Delete the "I see the devil" and "I never will be," then the ending should be fine.

You asked for honesty.

Sincerely Livana Lowell (LL

God bless

[Angelic Surrender]

Scary. I've cut myself before. It's no fun. I'll never do it again.

[Belle]

I totally agree with Leah!

Of course I read your piece(first),scrolled down for the reviews, and yes, Leah's presentation of the poem captivates me more than the original (sorry). The thought conveyed became more clear so suddenly I felt the emotion of the piece...

[Po3tByH3art]

Wow this i feel I relates to many of the poems I write, I can really feel your words. Keep up the work!

[Jay. E. V.]

Writing from the soul most deff, again i dont know how to feel

[Amila Jay]

A superb poem:)