I no longer recognise myself.

I reach toward my bedside table to reveal the knife I had hidden inside the empty tissue case.

 

I can feel the aching of my veins, they control my inner thoughts, wanting to be opened, wanting to be exposed.

 

No time for quick decisions, I can't choose to just ignore, so I bring the blade towards my pale white skin.

 

Which quickly turns to crimson, I suck in my breath to avoid my pain from escaping my lips.

 

Tears stinging my eyes, burning down my raw skin, my heart aching, I feel sick from the inners of my being.

 

What are people going to say? Attention seeker! emo! loser! the hateful words I am yet to come by.

 

I play with my blood, tracing the blade with my bloody finger, and I slowly begin to look up.

 

When I look into the mirror I see the devil, I'm no longer me, and I never will be.

Author's Note

# This is a little different to my usual style.

#I'll happily fix grammar and spelling, please point it out.

# tell me what you think honestly.

#The ending I'm not too sure about, any thoughts on that one?

Reviews

[Leah]

The second line is sexy. BUT since you asked for honesty, here's how it would have captured me instantly:

" I reached toward my bedside table. My being wished to reveal of a blade that I had hidden away in an old empty tissue case.

I could feel the aching of my veins for they controlled my most intrinsic thoughts... Wishing to be opened... Waiting... to be exposed.

No time for quick decisions, I cannot choose to avoid any longer. So I brought the blade toward my pale white skin...

Quickly, it turns crimson! My lips imprisoned my pain as I held my breath.

Tears stung my eyes, burning my raw skin. My heart ached even more as I was sickened within my innermost being.

Tongues shall soon wag of my act. " Fool! Attention w***e! Dirty emo!" Hateful words that I have yet to come by.

As I played with my blood, tracing the rosey blade with my finger, I slowly began to look up.

And as I looked into the mirror, what I saw was the Devil. For I am no longer what I was before. And never will I ever be."

Firstly, your enchanting poem was of past tense. Try comparing and recognizing the changes! Proper punctuations, proper usage of different relative words, capitalizing and of course, grammar. Nonetheless m'dear, everyone has different ideas of how their poems or writings should be composed. I do apologize for messing up your work though.

[Rene Velez]

riveting and surreal...I am not one to judge a person, but life has it's rewards if given the chance, I hope the blade stays in the tissue case.

[Marie]

I couldn't find any mistakes. The way you have the poem punctuated fits. As far as the ending goes, I believe you could leave out "I see the devil" and you meaning would still come across.

[Forest Green]

Powerful, disturbing write ... about such depths of self-pain...

Well written and truly convincing...

[SapphirianVampiress]

I think the end fits it. Because it is showing that when you lose yourself somebody else takes over and you are no you anymore. Over all it is well writen

[Missy Moooooo]

i really like it :)