Chapter 1

It was the end of June, and the summer heat had started to creep up on the town of Applegrove. The sky glowed in shades of orange and pink, and fireflies blinked like Christmas lights in the stark silhouettes of the trees. Even at 4:30AM, the air was hot and thick.

Luke Crawford had just turned 12. He flopped into the backseat of his dad's old station wagon and rested his still groggy head on the backpack in his lap.

"Why do we have to leave so early?" groaned Danny, Luke's older brother. Danny yawned and rubbed his sandy blonde hair.

Dan Sr., Luke and Danny's dad, adjusted the mirrors and started the car. "Because your Aunt Sassy wants you there for the parade and picnic," he answered. "You know, it's Lawrenceville's 150th birthday."

The drive seemed to last forever, through miles and miles of waist-high cornfields, tiny towns, and past sprawling factories coughing out thick black smoke. The wind tossled Luke's hair as his mind drifted in and out of dreams. He dreamed of hot apple pie at the town festival, of days spent at the lake jumping off the pier into the cold clear water, of evenings on the farmhouse porch sipping lemonade. As he drifted deeper into sleep, he could feel the rough wood of the porch swing under his arm and the cool damp glass in his hand. The wind chimes jingled softly at the end of the porch. A voice called to him "Luke, come inside." Luke stood up and looked through the screen door into darkness. "Hello? Aunt Sassy?" he said. Luke pulled open the screen door and stepped inside, letting the door creak-slap closed behind him. He padded quietly through the house lit only by the dying daylight clinging to the curtains. "Uncle Ed? Where are you guys?" The house was silent. Luke found himself at the bottom of the stairs. Each step creaked under his foot. A gust blew past him from behind, carrying a voice. "Luke," it whispered. Startled, he whirled around. Nothing was there. The air was still.

Luke let out a sigh of relief and turned to continue up the stairs. There in front of him stood a girl. Her big dark eyes bore into him. Her strawberry blonde tresses were matted with sticky dried blood. Her face was pale. Luke opened his mouth to scream, but no sound came out.

"You can't be here! Leave now!" the girl whispered frantically. She grabbed his shoulder with her ice cold bloodied hand and shoved him. "LEAVE NOW!"

Luke tried to catch his balance, but started to fall backward down the stairs.

He jolted awake.

"Dude, are you okay?" laughed Danny, at his brother's frightened squeak. Luke rubbed his eyes.

"Yeah, just a crazy dream..." he said. He swung open the door and glanced up at the old Crawford farmhouse.

Reviews

[Carl Drake Barnard]

You know I like it when people on Wc starts this way it's not long nor short it keeps a reader able and motivated to read on :) Some miss this and their book gets ignored. So a thumbs up on it!! Hahaha you got it OMG!! So looking forward to reading forward later on not to much given abt the scary part and of that I REALLY approve of :) I imagined my self as a 12 year old reading this so I was looking for hard or long words I found one but any reader any age could read it and accept it and well ignored it to focus on the story the age thing you should change Totaly I can imagine kids asking daddy can I grow that old!?? Hehe well done!!!!!* :)

[Ashleigh Nicole Evans]

Very nice opening chapter! I especially like the pace and tone of the first half of this chapter particularly because you took the time to set the scene and introduce your characters. It is always nice when the reader gets a feel for the characters before the action because we then care about what happens to the characters and I think you did a very admirable job of that.

Just a couple things (very small) that I noticed:

"...in the stark silhouettes..."- should be "...between the stark silhouettes..." because a silhouette generally refers to an outline. It would be difficult to imagine something in an outline compared with between the outlines made by the trees.

"....flopped into the backseat..." - should be "flopped onto the back seat..." rather than into.

"....through miles and miles of waist-high cornfields, tiny towns, and past sprawling factories..." - you shouldn't have the word "past" (it does not make sense because if it would be like reading "through miles and miles of past sprawling factories) here and you should remove the comma before the word and. So the sentence should read, "through miles and miles of waist-high cornfields, tiny towns and sprawling factories...."

"...He dreamed of hot apple pie at the town festival, of days spent at the lake jumping off the pier into the cold clear water, of evenings on the farmhouse porch sipping lemonade..." - the different thoughts need to be separated by semi-colons (not commas, as you have done).

The only other thing that I would say is that the part where he dreams of meeting the girl ghost/ghoul seems very rushed, especially when compared to the languid beauty of the description in the first half. You can still maintain intrigue and increased pace without sacrificing sufficient description. Plus, this chapter is a little short to make a solid chapter (could easily be a prologue though) so adding a bit of description to the part about the ghost child could help to benefit the story in that respect also.

All in all though, I think you write beautifully well and it was a joy to read. Thank you for posting this and I wish you luck on the completion of this novel.

Best regards,
Lubaina

[Blackcatattack]

What I liked the most was your change of tone throughout the story. It went from warm and friendly to eerie to downright disturbing. Can't wait to read the rest!

[Jane P.]

Great opening! You have a really well structured balance between dialogue and descriptive imagery (this can be very difficult to maintain, but you appear to have an effortless control over it!) I liked the way you introduced the family and used the dream for forebode the coming chapters. Also, you used a lot of figurative language which appeared really natural in the text, very impressive! I'm definitely hook and can't wait to continue reading :)
Oh, the only think I will comment on is the shortness of this chapter. I feel as if these excerpt would be better described as a prologue, just because of its shortness. Otherwise, great work and a very enjoyable read!

[JBudak]

Thank you so much! I know I sometimes get carried away with the imagery (I have to remind myself, not everything needs 27 adjectives, Jamie. haha) and I was worried it sounded too bad-beginner-writer-cliche. I think you may be right about this being a prologue. It's hard to find a stopping place with chapters for me.