Chapter 2

“Kat, turn your alarm clock off!” my sister Elena yelled. I could hear her running down the hall towards the bathroom, but I was still too foggy in my resistance to waking to flip her the bird, let alone reach my hand out to the nightstand and turn the alarm off.

“If you’re not going to wake up when that thing goes off, do the rest of us a favour and just unplug it - we’ve got our own alarms set, we don’t need yours hooting in the background” Erica said. 

I cracked one eye open, at the sight of the jug of water in the hands of my room-mate, slash co-worker, slash life-long best friend, sat bolt upright “IM UP IM UP! Hold the water, jeeze, yesterday’s in-bed shower wakeup was enough!”

“Good, now get your a*s out of bed, we’re going to be late for work because of you, again, and I’m leaving in 20 minutes, with or without you.”

“Is Lena coming with us?” I asked, pulling the covers off and smacking my alarm clock off simultaneously.

“Ask her yourself, she’s in the bathroom - where you better be heading, you look like you have a nest on your head” Erica said smiling. “Might want to hop in for a real shower while you’re at it.”

“Yeah, yeah I’m going, I’m going.” I responded, rolling my eyes.

I walked into the bathroom to find my gorgeous younger sibling preening in front of the mirror. She had managed to do her makeup and curl half her head in the ten minutes it took me to drag myself out of bed.

“Morning Lena”

“Hey Kitty! Go ahead and use the shower, I’m almost done anyways. You need me to wait for you, or you going into work with Erica?” She said, spraying another curl with hair spray.

“I don’t think Erica’s going to wait this morning, she’s gung-ho on making it in on time - which, as you know, means half an hour early.”

“Don’t sweat it, I still have some stuff to do around the house before I head to campus, so I’ll wait” She answered with a smile.

“Thanks Lena” I said sheepishly, turning on the shower.

I was lucky, and I knew it - there may be a 5-year difference between us, but she definitely acted like the older sibling in our relationship, even though the title belonged to me. My gorgeous, doe eyed, long brown haired, and always smiling sister, definitely the popular social one in our family. I was all too grateful when she suggested we move in together downtown close to her university campus, with our childhood friend Erica, who happened to work at the same marketing firm as me.  

Thank god mom and dad decided on a second child, I’d be lost without her, I thought to myself as I stepped into the shower.

“Hey Kat” I jumped as my sister poked her head into the shower.

“Naked in here!” I said, attempting to maintain a sense of modesty with the help of the rest of the shower curtain.

“Oh please, like I haven’t seen your a*s in various stages of undress my entire life,” she said, poking her head back out. “Besides, you’ve been in there for like 20 minutes, I was just making sure you hadn’t fallen back asleep.”

“I’m awake, just got lost in thought… and procrastination” I responded, turning off the water.

“You alright? Having a tough morning?” She asked, sticking her hand through the curtain, this time holding a towel.

“No more trouble than usual before a work day, stop checking in Lena, you know if I need you I’ll tell you” I responded, stepping out wrapped in my warm towel.

“Okay, okay I wont hover, I’ll be in my room talking to Garret on the phone, give me a shout when you’re dressed and ready, we can grab some Starbucks on the way.”

“Thanks sis” I said, “Love you.”

“Love you too!” she shouted from down the hallway. Man she’s fast, I thought, looking into the mirror at my still completely dishevelled and unprepared appearance.

I walked back to my room, shut the door and started to towel dry my hair, while attempting to find something suitable to wear to work. It was definitely time to do some laundry.

Five minutes later, and no more clothed than I was before, Elena burst into my room “Kat, I hope you’re ready because I have to leave like… now. Crap - what are the chances you can be ready in 10 seconds? I just got an email from my prof and he’s cutting his office hours short today, if I don’t get to him before he leaves to lecture my paper gets an F for late submission”

“Huh? Why would he cut his hours short if his students have to turn their papers in today?”

“Well technically it was due last week, today is the cut off deadline, so minus the late submission if I don’t get it in to him like… NOW, I lose 50% off whatever grade the paper gets!”

“S**t " you should have come to me I would have helped you with the paper!”

“I didn’t want to stress you out,” she said, staring at her shoes.

“I’m not a freaking china doll Lena! Go, take a cab, here’s 20 bucks.” I said handing her a 20 “I’ll be fine, don’t worry - I can get myself to work alone” I rolled my eyes, putting on an attempt at a casual brave face. She waited a few more seconds, trying my poker face to see if she believed it, falling for it she gave me a quick hug goodbye, and moments later I heard the front door slam shut and the lock turn.

I looked into my full-length mirror, holding my towel, steeling myself for the feeling of panic I knew was going to come. The reality of the matter was that I hadn’t made my way to work by myself in over a year. Mornings were always tough, getting myself out of the house and into the office was always an internal war of anxiety battling my common senses. I had no idea where the fear had started, or why it was so persistent, but having someone with me on the commute helped.

I suspect it was the idea of having someone who knows me, and my situation, along for the trek into work, that helped - someone who could help me manage any panic attacks that boiled up. It was a discomforting thought, to say the least, to even imagine handling a full-blown attack on my own, amidst a sea of strangers. Or at least that’s the conclusion I had come to during my last therapy session.

Taking a deep breath, I sat down onto my bed with a thump. You can do this Katerina - ou’re 26 years old, get a f*****g grip! I could feel the internal berating and deep breathing slowing my heart, keeping the panic at bay. I switched to autopilot, got up and headed to my closet. I grabbed the first top and pair of pants I saw, slipped on a pair of flats and headed into the living room. I opened the fridge to reach for my morning yogurt, then changed my mind - my stomach was completely in knots, there was no way I was going to keep food down, I grabbed a cold water instead, my work bag, and headed out the door.

It took me five minutes to convince myself that I could leave the building and head for the subway station entrance around the corner, it took another 10 to convince myself that I could manage getting on the subway. Come on you child, you know you can get off at any stop and grab a cab back home, you’re not stuck on the subway, you can always get off and call in sick if you can’t make it into work - you have to at least try. With that internal dialogue I stepped into the subway cart just as the doors were about to close, too late to jump out now, I thought, might as well have a seat. I looked down at my watch; I was already 5 minutes late, by anyone’s standards, including my boss’. Deal with one thing at a time Kat, get to work, then worry about how late you are.

I decided music was the way to go; I could keep my mind off of all the strangers around me, and the nauseating swaying of the car if I just concentrated on some John Mayer. I sat there, shaking my right leg up and down, eyes closed, concentrating on calming my breathing. It was working until I felt a tap on my shoulder, springing my eyes open I looked up to see a man sharply dressed in a suit, looking down at me with a questioning look in his soft hazel eye. I popped one ear bud out of my ear “Can I help you?” I asked, a little more acerbically than I intended to. Damn anxiety - take the bitchiness down a notch Katerina. I thought, trying to rearrange my features into something a little friendlier.

“Sorry for interrupting your nap?” he said uncertainly “But this older lady has been standing over there for about 5 minutes, you seemed the most able bodied here, was just wondering if you wanted to give your seat up for her”.

My face went scarlet with shame, I shot out of the chair just as the subway was making its next stop. In true Katerina fashion I proceeded to trip over my own two feet, stepping on his polished shoes and grabbing onto his tie as an attempt to keep my balance.

“Woah! You alright there?” He said, stifling a laugh as he helped me upright. “Almost choked me with my own tie there,” he said through smiling lips.

“I… sorry!” I squeaked, and made a break for the subway doors before they closed on me again. It was a stop too soon but I definitely felt like I needed the fresh air in order to get my heart back in my chest.

That’s the thing about a full-fledged anxiety disorder, I thought to myself as I climbed the stairs out onto the street, it makes you one hell of a selfish person while you’re in the midst of panicking. Who knew how long that woman was standing there, but no, I had to have a seat in order to keep calm, not to mention I looked like a complete jack a*s in front of the entire train, Mr. Freshly Pressed Suit included. At least the temporary drama had gotten me outside of my own head long enough to snap me back to reality and out of nonsensical panic. I was actually breathing easier, and the rest of the walk to work wasn’t nearly as hard as I thought it would be. By the time I made it to the office building I was feeling pretty damn pleased with myself, I had made it to work, for the first time in such a long time, all on my own. Now I just had to make it through another high-pressure, deadline driven, workday, and then I could retreat back to the safety of my own home. Despite the anxiety, I liked my job - it let me focus on other people instead of myself, it let me find ways to display things in a positive light; that was the thing about working in marketing you could always spin things to make them look good. Not to mention being in control of something I was good at was a reprieve from my scrambled and out of control life outside of work.

My phone rang just as I was entering the office building, and I stopped inside the doors long enough to rummage around in my purse and notice I forgot my work tablet and one of my client files. “Hello?” I answered, frazzled.

“Kat! You at work already? I made it to my prof’s office in time, thank god - how was the ride into work, I’m SO sorry I had to ditch you, do you need me to come by the office now and hang for a bit?!” My sister blurted through the phone.

“Well if you let me get a word in Lena…” I answered warmly. “I’m fine I’m fine, just a little frazzled I forgot some work stuff at home on my way out, but its alright I’ll manage without it for today.”

“You didn’t answer my question - how was the ride to work?” she said nervously.

“It was alright, I’ll tell you all about it when I see you at home after work. I gotta go, glad you got your paper in on time!” I responded. She was silent for a second, obviously assessing the tone in which I had responded. Once she was convinced I sounded sufficiently calm she said her goodbyes and we both hung up.

I headed for the elevators, pleased I had held it together relatively well up until this point, despite being forgetful and leaving the tablet at home. That feeling of satisfaction lasted about as long as it took me to reach the 11^th floor where Charleston and Moore’s marketing firm was located. As soon as I reached my cubicle, and Erica peered over at me from hers, the stunned look on Erica’s face brought my ego down about 10 notches.

“What the hell are you wearing? And did you even brush your hair this morning?!” she said through clenched teeth and forced smile. With that she grabbed her purse and my hand and started to pull me towards the ladies’ room.

“What’s the matter with what I’m…?” I stopped short of finishing my sentence as we burst into the ladies bathroom and I got a good look of myself in the mirror. In my panicked haze not only had I forgotten to brush my hair and put on even a semblance of makeup, but I had managed to pick a bright orange workout tank and an old pair of blue jeans that were so worn out my entire left knee and part of my shin were popping out.

“That’s not even casual Friday appropriate Katerina, and its only Monday!” Erica said, horrified - the office was pretty strict on dress code, and Mondays were the days that clientele were typically scheduled to come into the office for consultations.

“Oh dear god. I was so panicked this morning I just grabbed the first thing I saw!” I said, mortified.

“Why were you panicked? Didn’t Lena commute with you? You were perfectly fine when I left you this morning!” Erica said annoyed.

“I was, and she couldn’t - professor emergency.” I responded, still looking at my own horrified reflection in the mirror. God and I have a new client coming in today, I thought to myself, spiralling deeper into my moritification.

“I have an extra blazer on the back of my chair, you can borrow that until I go to pick up my dry cleaning at lunch” Erica said, resigned to the situation. “Here’s my makeup pouch, at least put some mascara on, you look like you ran a marathon, and then got stuck in a tornado before coming into work.”

“Thanks Erica, I have to check my schedule, there’s a new client coming in today, and I’m praying the appointment isn’t until after lunch - fat chance hiding this from the bosses if I have to go into a meeting with a client.”

“Its really not that bad, I was just surprised that’s all!” she said, back pedalling in an attempt to comfort me. I knew she was trying to be supportive, but at this point it wasn’t helping. I applied some mascara, brushed my hair through with my fingers, tied it up into a bun, and we both headed back to our desks.

I was almost at my desk when I noticed him walk through the main doors, Mr. Freshly Pressed Suit. I sat in my chair so fast it almost rolled out from under me.

“What was that all about?” Erica asked, catching what was probably the mortified look on my face.

“Oh not much, I just practically choked that guy out with his own tie this morning coming into work! No big deal!” I said, ducking down behind my computer screen.

“It was mortifying! Even more so now that I know I’m dressed like a homeless hippie!”

“Ms. Evancho, are you quite alright?”

My back stiffened as I quickly realized the voice that asked the question belonged to my boss Mr. Breaker. I slowly turned around, so much for flying under the boss’ radar until after lunch, I thought.

“I am, yes, of course. I was just getting my workspace organized!” I answered, eyes on the floor.

“No, I mean your attire Ms. Evancho” He responded questioningly. He sounded more amused than upset so I lifted my eyes to meet his, only to find myself looking into an entertained pair of hazel eyes that definitely did not belong to my boss Stan Breaker. In fact, I couldn’t even see Mr. Breaker, whose short stature had him hidden behind the 6foot tall, hazel-eyed wonder that was Mr. Freshly Pressed Suit.

He quirked a half smile and stepped aside so that I could have a direct view of Mr. Breaker, who was now looking even more confused than ever. I refocused my gaze and started to explain “I had a mishap this morning, there was, umm, coffee and then there was…”

“It was actually my doing Stan, I ran into this young lady on the subway this morning, I spilt my coffee all over her lovely work attire, I assume she had to change into whatever she had to spare” Freshly Pressed cut in.

“Oh, I see! Well isn’t that perfect Mr. Warren, you’ve already had the pleasure of meeting Ms. Evancho, however unconventionally - she will be meeting with you this afternoon to discuss your marketing strategy” Mr. Breaker offered, “She’s one of our top marketing and public relations coordinators.”

“We haven’t quite officially met - I’m Caleb Warren, a pleasure,” he said, reaching out a hand to me.

“Katerina Evancho” was all I managed to get out as I took his hand and shook it. I was so relieved he had provided me with an excuse for my wardrobe I completely forgot to apologize for that morning, or to break out some other form of small talk.

He saved me by speaking first “Our meeting is at 1:30, I believe. I’ll see you then Katerina Evancho.” With that he let go of my hand and walked off with Mr. Breaker.

I was screwed, how was I ever going to live through the shame, let alone concentrate on my presentation with those hazel eyes staring back at me.

“You always get the good ones.” Erica chimed in, bringing me out of my revere.

“Huh? Oh, yeah - the only meeting I had scheduled today was for after lunch. Its for an App start-up called Barlo.”

“What the hell is that?” she asked quizzically.

“Its supposed be an application that finds the bar, party, kegger, whatever, closest to your location - it’s some frat-boy dream application” I explained.  “I was pretty sure I was supposed to meet with someone named Finn Miller, though. Caleb Warren must be a business partner.”

“Well one things for sure, thank the fashion gods your meeting is after lunch - at least you’ll get the chance to change,” She offered with a smile.

“Like it’ll make much of a difference at this point - that first impression has been shot to hell twice now,” I groaned.

Erica offered me a warm smile and simply said “You’ll turn it around Kat, you always do.”

She was right - despite my trunk-full of baggage and personal problems, social interactions didn’t make my list of anxiety inducing activities. I was really good at my job, I loved writing, I loved social media management, and I absolutely loved to make a good pitch. I’d had this one ready since Friday - I could do this. I just needed to change my clothing first.

Author's Note

Constructive criticism only please - otherwise comment all you like!

Reviews

[shade]

u know i think this could be a good book with lots of tlc.

i love the plot.

the character seems fun to read, i like how she thinks, but to be honest if there was another character like her in the book i think it be really sweet

but maybe a little more detail on her surroundings might help

[Janna]

Thats actually really helpful thank you! I'll work on more detail about the surroundings!