Death at a Glance

Lexi is completely fed up with life, with being ignored at home and at school and one day decides to end it. Little does she know that her decision carries acute consequences...

Death at a Glance

 

Heartache. Sorrow. Gut-wrenching pain.

This is how I’ve felt all my life. I look in the mirror. I know what I look like; long, curly, unkempt hair. Pale and pasty with eyes that are far apart. Anorexic.

 

But it is not my reflection that looks back at me. It’s Lissy; my only friend.

 

“It ends today,” I tell her. “I’m ending all of it today.”

“What? Wait!” I hear her say but I’m not listening. I walk to my bed and reach underneath my pillow. I pull it out. Lissy gasps.

“Lexi…Lexi, don’t do this.” Her voice is shaky. “Please don’t do this,” she repeats, about to cry. I look at her, really look at her. She looks like me, only pretty and well groomed. She’s olive skinned and skinny too. I’ve always wanted to be like her. I notice that her mascara is smudged; she’s crying.

 

I look away and stare at the object in my hand. It’s been lying underneath my pillow for two days now. Just lying. Lying in wait. Waiting for the day when I’m brave enough to do it.

 

Now the wait is over.

 

“Why are you doing this, Lexi?” Lissy asks. Her words suddenly ignite a fury deep within me. I’m fuming. How can she, of all people, ask such a question?

“Why am I doing this?” I burst out. “Lissy, all my life I’ve been ignored. Invisible to the world, including Mum and Dad. I’m sick of walking past the hallway in school to the sound of sniggers from virtually everyone. I’m sick of that stupid psychiatrist telling me that I’m crazy. I’m sick, sick, sick. Sick of the world! I slide down to the floor, sitting against the wall. My shoulders shake uncontrollably and my breathing becomes harder. I’m very close to having a full-on panic attack.

 

“Lexi, you don’t have to feel this way”, Lissy’s voice is full of emotion. “If you actually made an effort with your parents you’d see that they both love you and your little sister equally! You’re not invisible. Come on, no one even sees me. And that silly shrink doesn’t know what he’s talking about- he’s the mad one. As for school, you can always transfer to a new one and start all over again. But please, I beg you, don’t kill yourself”. She takes a deep breath. “If you die, I die. We’re one and the same, remember?”

 

Downstairs I hear Dad give a shout of laughter and Mum’s probably tending to Mimi- as always. Everyone seems so happy without me. I look at the knife. It looks…oddly inviting. In an instant, I make my decision.

“Lexi!” Lissy warns. “Don’t do this. You’re never going to escape pain. You’re going to have to learn to fight it!”

“Bye bye world,” I mutter. I feel exhilarated. Excited. Joyous. I raise the knife above my head.

And bring it down to my stomach with overwhelming force. The cold feel of the knife pierces my skin. I gasp. A shrill sound escapes through my lips; I’m screaming. Oh, but it hurts! I’ve never felt such excruciating pain in my life. The pain seeps into my very soul and threatens to rip my heart into pieces. Why am I not dying? It was meant to be quick. Here one second, gone the next. Death isn’t meant to hurt…it’s supposed to be bliss. A means to an end. Satisfying. Peaceful.

 

I look up at Lissy. Her face is frozen in shock. I blink in tears. What is happening to her? Slowly and surely, she’s disintegrating; crumbling before my very eyes! No, it can’t be! Two hot tears escape from my eyes. I’m crying. Why am I crying?

 

“Lexi?” Mum calls, running up the stairs. She must have heard my desperate screams. My door suddenly bursts open. “Alexia!” Mum screams. “Roger!” Mum calls to Dad, “Call an ambulance! Oh, Lexi, what have you done?” she runs to where I lie on the floor and gently holds me in her arms, the tears pouring down her face and dripping unto mine.

Dad comes into the room, staring in shock and hurt. He’s carrying Mimi- my baby sister. She, too, is crying but I know she’s oblivious to what’s going on. Lucky her.

 

I look away from mum, I can’t bear it anymore. Suddenly, I make out something hidden underneath my pile of clothes. It’s a picture frame- cracked and forgotten. I see myself, mum, dad and Mimi in the photo. We’re all smiling, well, all of us except Mimi- she’s crying again. I look…happy.

 

Oh…what have I done?

 

 Heartache. Sorrow. Gut-wrenching pain.

These feelings have haunted me all my life. Must I feel them at death too?

I can’t breathe. Mum’s getting blurry. So is dad. Mimi’s wails are fading.

“I love you, mum.” I try to say but all that comes out of my mouth is blood. “Dad, I’m really sorry.” I wanted to say more but I knew my time was quickly running out. “When Mimi grows up, tell her…tell her that I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for her. To guide her through life. Tell her…not to make the same mistakes I did. To enjoy life.”

“Alexia!” Mum screams in despair. “Don’t you dare die on me right now. Please!”

 

 

“Please, I don’t want to go,” I say to no one in particular but I know someone is listening.

 

I sigh. The pain is finally fading.

 

“Bye bye world.” It’s funny how mere minutes ago I muttered those words with elation. Now I say them with utter regret.

I laugh forcefully. Lissy was right after all. I’d still feel pain, even at death. I look for her but she’s nowhere to be found.

 

I feel weak. I’m…cold.

My eyes flutter shut. I take one last painful breath. I feel light-headed and strange.

Darkness.        

I pass out.

 

 

Yet my heart still beats.

 

Author's Note

Just a one-shot, not going to add anymore to it. I really hope that you enjoyed it and soory if it made anyone...uncomfortable.
Um, I wasn't sure what genre it was exactly so I just classed it as mystery...
Anywho, thanks for reading and honest comments please!
=D

Reviews

[My Fair Lady]

Well. I literally moved in my seat with uncomfortable disbelief that I was reading this. As the mother of 5 young women daughters I was moved to tears.. fear of the worst kind that any of them would not have the self esteem they need to survive the cruel years. In my curiosity.. I wonder if the best friend Lissy... is an imaginary friend.. and if she is then I think the name is fitting. If she is supposed to be a live girl friend.. then I think you should think about changing her name to help clearify the girls. Just a thought. If she is only in Lexi's mind.. then I think you should definately keep her, so he division is less clear. How very sad, and what a terrible nightmare for the family of a girl who was going through a state of confusion of self.. I am left quite sad and wish it wasn't my last review of the day.

[Kristen]

I liked this piece a lot! It was interesting to read and showed a very different perspective on suicide. Great write!

[Laura]

I think that is good. The emotion in it is amazing! I understand the angle you were writing from because there are a lot of people who feel like doing this sort of thing the only thing that confuses me is why can she see this person Lissy? is she real or imaginary. And watch out for speech marks some are missing.

But anyway it was great well done x

[Neisha Ann]

Oh. My. Goodness. This is amazing! I really enjoyed this. I almost cried and my eyes are burning from staring at the screen so hard, I just didn't want to blink. This is an awesome story you have here. It feels like a scene in a movie. You did a really great job on this!

[Kate Hunter]

For the most part, it's good. I thought at first, "what??"
then, I realized where it was going. It's a good piece. I agree with BeebsLC, it is a bit rushed, but if you took it a little slower, it wouldn't be as confusing.
Overall, good job.
You seem to enjoy cliffhangers!
^_^

[RitaMargarita]

really good))
i love the way u describe things))
keep on working))

[Jazique]

Awe wonderful job in writing stlye and so said. You must know "each life's a gift and not a given right." We have only one life and we should be living them at the fullest never taking them no matter what is going on for every story I have read not one sucide person has had ever had atleast one person they made cry real or fake. Keep up the work.

[H-Jonesy]

Wonderfull, really it was.
You brought the reader into a world of pain of anothers. Your character seems to have so much depth to her,and the fact that her best friend is a figment of her imgination.
GAH!
You blew me away with this, honestly.
Im usualy against writing thats written in first person, as (to me) theirs not enough detail and what not. But you have changed my mind missy.
This was a very good write, and you are talented i must say. :D

Though, i must admit the looking in the miror thing; a tad over used by so many. Also, her pain is casued by little things that everyone goes through in life. Maybe if you had put somthing extra, like losing a freind or family member. Not sure.

But wonderfull write, cant wait to read more-
Harmony

[Miss Coral]

Love the end- but I think that the beginning could use some work. Most people don't know that they're anorexic, and characters looking in the mirror is kind of a cliche scene to be avoided. I would define more the relationship she has with her imaginary friend or whoever Lissy was, as well as more of a hopelessness.

Overall, I do think that this was nice- I would try to engage the reader more emotionally as well, but otherwise, very nicely done. Looking forward to reading more from you. :)

-Coral-

[Sssss]

It's a good one-shot. I like all the detail you put into it, but it feels a little rushed.

We never got that much of a background on the main character. It was very brief.

To me it seemed very selfish and a quick escape out of her pain (put i guess i think that in all suicide attempts so it's probably a little biased...)

And her pain isn't that much to begin with...
- Her only major problem was her anorexia.
- She then had the common problem that most people have with new baby siblings: Jealousy.
- Also, people snickering behind her back in school? About what exactly? For all we know it could of been for some silly reason that she's throwing out of proportion and being melodramatic about.
- With the whole psychiatrist thing, a psychiatrist would never say someone is crazy (well to their face). And she probably only went there for her anorexia.

In this short show of her life, it seems like she just wanted attention. A cry for help I guess you could say? (ya, I know, very cliché) Another thing, if Lissy really was close to Lexi, don't you think she'd do a little more than just the old "NO DON'T!" Lexi obviously would go and stab Lissy so an attempt to go for the knife would of been interesting.

So basically, it feels like the story started a little too late into the plot to really get an understanding of the character and to sympathize with her.