A Last Rose In The Garden

A Last Rose in the Garden

Down in a little space of green valley
I had seen a herd of falling tree
In the river comes a sign of a memoir plea
These withered along the feast

Its twigs a foundation of meaningful life
Its petals made him the queen of flowers
A flower of purity, love, and meaningful life
A flower of plea to the mother of all of us

All of the seasons passed
Along the life of these little plants
The beautiful days waiting
All be gone in the world of dry sands

A promised of unbroken reality
A meaningful mystery in our life
These feeling of responsible cry
Is like a last rose in the garden

Reviews

[Confuser]

J.C.: The imagery of this poem is powerful. I wanted to know what color it was...I could see the trees falling, the death of life, the death of dreams. But then one flower became the queen; just a magnificent imagination. The Last Rose In the Garden, I believe there are many last flowers, many last lives, so much of the world's humanity vanished like these trees; A promise of unbroken reality is desolation...it's as if you're saying, we were born and at some point we knew not to exspect anything.
In the river comes a sign of a memoir plea
These withered along the feast
But what is most profound to me is: These feeling of responsible (cries?)...is electrifying...it says so much. We are encompassed, overwhelmed with so many decisions; what do we do? We all must think carefully, or like you write All (will) be gone in the world of dry sands, for time is fleeting. Very well done! I love it, and thank you. Dale

[J.C. Rabanes]

Wow! you imagined it well... Thanks sir... :)

[Confuser]

You're welcome....Dale

[Dalton Holt]

Right away this poem stands out to me. The way you word this and create these interesting images, with a message you need to think to figure out. Really well written with impressive use of language. That said, there is certainly room for improvement. Just changing some words really helps with the rhythm. You should change "meaningful life' to 'pondered life,' or something similar. The third line of the second stanza should become "A flower blooms all that is pure in love and life." For the following line, remove 'of us' from the end. First line of the third stanza, change 'all of the' to 'as all the.' The last stanza just has a few typos, 'promised' should be 'promise' and 'these' should be 'this.' Or 'feeling' becomes 'feelings', whichever you intended. 'Responsible cry' doesn't sound right so I think you meant for of those to be plural as well. Doing these minor changes just makes the poem sound and flow better. It would flow even better if it had a fixed rhythm, but surprisingly the flow is quite smooth without one. Especially the first stanza, which is my favourite. The whole poem gives the atmosphere of beautiful scenes of nature, and the inspiration and wonder it ignites in us. I believe that was the theme you were trying to express. But the last stanza really suggests there's more to it. It really makes you think about the hidden theme, if indeed there is one. I'm not going to go into sharing my deep interpretation of the poem, because I'd rather leave it to others to figure it out for themselves. Again, this is a beautiful poem, very well done.

[Coyote Poetry]

Beautiful and good words.
"A promised of unbroken reality
A meaningful mystery in our life
These feeling of responsible cry
Is like a last rose in the garden"
A simple flower can awake good places and memory. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Rudi J.P. Lejaeghere]

Beautiful imagery here. Very well done. :) Rudi

[J.C. Rabanes]

Thanks sir... :)

[Zahra]

such a beautiful imagery in this poem.
Its twigs a foundation of meaningful life
Its petals made him the queen of flowers
very well penned

[J.C. Rabanes]

Thank you very much... I appreciated your kind read sir... ;)

[DoormanDan]

You've incorporated some very nice imagery with nature into this poem. I really like what I think is the message you're trying to get across here, about there always being hope and possibility even in the most desolate of environments. The title works well with this poem. There was one small typo I saw, "Its twigs a foundations of meaningful life" it should just be "foundation", not "foundations". Other than that, I have nothing more to add. This poem is overall a great piece, and I certainly enjoyed reading it. :)

[J.C. Rabanes]

Thanks for pointing about the 'foundations' ... I must be weary when I wrote this one... hahaha XDread moreThanks for pointing about the 'foundations' ... I must be weary when I wrote this one... hahaha XD

BTW thanks for the read man... ;)