Unhinged

~ don't throw spears ~

            Cold Like the Stars ~ Carrie Graber

 

 

Hurtful words aimed carefully...

           swords

                                                          piercing

                                                                        my

                                                                               heart

                                                            Once thrown

they can never be taken back…

                                                               not really

 

Retaliation rolls off my tongue

with the precision of a sharp shooter

Finding the spot

                                                                         that quickly leaves

                                                                                                          complete silence

 

except for the slam of the door on his way out

 

Perhaps I should remove the hinges…

 

Reviews

[dan]

Julie, The style of writing in this piece is a perfect match for the content, which is simply excellent. I know now that I need to read you more often; there are so many words, passages that hit home while I read...left me wishing the write was longer. And your closing line ties the whole piece up in a glossy bow: "Perhaps I should remove the hinges..." Perfect ending, ta da! I'm becoming a fan of yours, I hope you don't mind 8^) take care...dan (My real name; I use a pen name on the other site I post stuff, I regret that I didn't use my name when I registered. riki is actually the name of our ferret.) Thanks for sharing this with us. dan

[MsJewel]

Thank you for your kind words Dan. The feeling is mutual. I'm becoming a fan of yours as well. I'm glad you enjoyed this piece - a bit of a stretch from my usual rosy romantic pen. :) Julie

[dan]

Julie, I'm not suggesting that you stray from your romantic writes, just that stretching out in the darker direction can often yield results that are outstanding, like "Unhinged." take care...dan

[Ghost of Jupiter]

Words can be so damaging... Once set loose they can find the precise sore spoke to strike a poisonous arrow. I know I have been the archer of such word assaults and always regret them after. You capture this so well in your amazing poem. Well done.

[MsJewel]

Thank you for your kind words :) Julie

[Ruth]

Expressive and haunting piece...truly sensational...leaves a sting xo

[MsJewel]

Thank you for your kind comment and compliment :) Julie

[AprilRN1210]

roller coaster of emotions on this one, skillfully constructed visually to accentuate the twists, turns, dips, and sharp edges.. I love the bite to it, I admit... Blame it on the fighter in me, or that southern sass, but yep.. love it.. you can feel the pain as well.. as always, it is absolutely stunning and emotionally powerful.. You know I am such a fan of you girl!.. yep, one of my new favs:)

[MsJewel]

Thank you April! I've missed you and your lovely poetry! :) Julie

[Vanesa Markovic]

It's the ones we love, who have the power to hurt us the most.
Those kinds of wounds take lifetimes to heal, and completely
alter the heart. As writers, getting the pain out on paper is
sometimes the only way we can cope with the hurt, but what a beautiful
pain it becomes. Lovely work.

[MsJewel]

Thank you for your insightful words :) Julie

[Avinash]

Protocols of the fall out of something which was once beautiful depicted so vividly that you can almost see the events taking place.

[MsJewel]

Thank you for your kind words :) Julie

[anne]

Retaliation rolls off my tongue
with the precision of a sharp shooter
Finding the spot
that quickly leaves
complete silence
touching and beautiful.............:))

[MsJewel]

Thank you for the lovely comment Anne :)Julie

[Rene Salinas]

What a combination of feelings Julie!

But then again some deserve it... . Based on the lack of understanding for the clarity and intention of the feelings manifested in a relationship. They fail to see or grasp the content which leads to indifference and well sadly acts that hurt the other. That clearly expressed with forceful yet contained words. It also has a bit of an ultimatum feeling but to me most revealing the fact hat you are declearing that you respect yourself enough to not put up with a "Show" of a relationship and if that is not understood:

"Don't let the door hit you on your way out"

Although if you indeed remove the hinges the door might fell on him what a wicked thought.

Thank You.

[MsJewel]

LOL...I wouldn't want the door to fall on him...not now anyway! Thanks so much. It is always lovely when you visit my page :) Julie

[Lyn Anderson]

I know this all too well. Works literally and figuratively.

[MsJewel]

Thank you :) Julie

[R Smith]

nicely penned Julie, its horrible when you say that thing that can't be taken back as much as you want to leave the hinges and just oil them and keep writing great work as this :)

[MsJewel]

Thanks so much Richard :) Julie

[wordman]

lovely graphics and a wondergul hurtful poem,i think we all travel that road too many times

[MsJewel]

Thank you Ron :) Julie