Chapter 6 - Wishing You Were Here

To the family of Charlie Landen Murphy:

I regret to inform you that on November 21st, 2031, Charlie was wounded during combat fighting. He did not recover and died from wound complications on December 14th, 2031. We were not able to release this information at the time and were only now able to send his belongings back along with the sorrowful news of his untimely death. We apologize for the delay and send our condolences to his family and friends. Our nation has lost a great hero; Charlie died the most honorable death possible.

 

He asked that his personal belongings be passed along to his parents and that the letter enclosed be given to his fiancée Jayne Barnes. His company sends its sympathy and offers any sort of assistance you might need during this trying time.

 

Sincerely,

Lt. Colonel James K. Petterson

 

 

 

Dear Jayne,

If you are reading this letter, I have died. Don’t be afraid to use the word ‘died’ because that’s what I am. You’ve always been the strong one, so I’m sure things will be better in time. Your strength carried me through the toughest parts of the war. In fact, your letters helped me through Hell. I want to leave you one last letter to help you through your own sorrow.

 

Jayne, I will never leave you. I will love you always and forever. Nothing will ever hinder my love for you, especially death. Our love spanned over two continents, why can’t it span over two worlds? Just because I’m physically gone, doesn’t mean I’m spiritually absent.

 

Simply try taking something every-day and turning it into a memory you have of us. Then I will always be home. And remember to smile and laugh. You are too pretty not to laugh. Try pretending. That crooked seat at the counter in the Blue Bird Diner was always my seat. When you hear it creak, know I’m sitting in it watching you. When you’re driving in your car and a song we used to sing comes on the radio, I’m sitting in the passenger seat singing at the top of my lungs. When you wake up in bed and the sheets are still warm, know I am lying there next to you, wrapping my arms around you.

 

Oh, Jayne, please don’t cry. You’ll ruin your make-up. I love you, Jayne. Know that. It’s been in the short, plain, and insignificant lines of our letters that I have told you I love you, and I’ve said it more times than you will ever know.

 

Don’t be sad for me. I’m in a much better place and I’m not fighting in the war anymore. If I can find a way to send you a postcard, I will; and I’ll tell you all about the beauty of death. I’ll write to you and be able to say Wishing You Were Here. In time, Jayne, we’ll be together again, but don’t let that hold you back from fulfilling your life. Move on and do everything you ever wanted. Travel the world and buy a souvenir in every city. Go backpacking in the Amazon rainforest. Find a guy and marry him and have beautiful children. What I want for you, Jayne, is for you to be happy. That is what love is.

 

So this is my temporary goodbye. This will have to hold us both over until we can see each other again. But don’t worry, because we will see each other again. I am sure of this. Death is a beginning. I’ll wait patiently for as long as it takes, and I sure do hope it takes a long time. I love you, Jayne, more than anything else.

 

Forever Yours,

Charlie

 

 

 

 

Dear Charlie,

If you are reading this letter, you are in Heaven. I know you’re in Heaven. I wanted to reply to your letter. I wanted to tell you that you were wrong about me-I’ll never be as strong without you. I’m trying so hard to conjure up the strength you claimed I have. This is so difficult to write, but I had to tell you goodbye somehow.

 

Charlie, this pain is unbearable. It is so testing to wake up in the morning knowing you’re never coming back. Plowing through every minute without you is the biggest challenge I could ever have imagined. You were never supposed to die. We were supposed to live happily ever after. I don’t know how to do this.

 

I promised myself I wouldn’t cry because you asked me not to, but I can’t stop the tears this time. Don’t be angry with me, please, I just can’t help but be sad.

 

We really grew up, me and you. Maybe this is still part of growing up. If it is, I don’t want to grow up anymore. I really fell in love with you, you know that? I was way in over my head.

 

I know it feels like we fell in love on paper, but really it was earlier than that. It happened gradually in every moment we shared and it only took something drastic for us to realize it. It took us writing for me to realize how true it was.

 

This burden seems too much to bear. I could really use your help. All I need is some small sign that you are here with me now. This tombstone is so dismal. I didn’t attend your funeral, the same way I couldn’t say goodbye the night you left. I’m saying goodbye now though- better late than never, right?

 

I don’t know what else to say. I’m exhausted from this grief. My heart hurts. My hands feel so empty. I’m falling apart, Charlie. I’m being as strong as I know how, it just isn’t enough.

 

You were right about one thing though, that, in time, it will be better. I know I can’t imagine it right now, but one day I’ll be alright. One day I’ll be able to wake up and not hurt so much. I’ll have other reasons to live. And even if I do find another guy (who won’t be as good as you), I’ll never be able to love him the way I love you.

 

I love you with everything I have. I always will.

Forever yours,

Jayne Murphy

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

I have lost good friends in Iraq. I understand the feel of the words in the story. I stood with children of good friends at their funeral. The children would ask was the War worth the Father's death. I had no answers for them. We cry together. The letter are well written. I believe the heart brake true-ly cannot be described properly in words. You wrote a powerful story. Thank you.
Coyote