Chapter 1

Like always, the cup fell before Sera could do anything about it. Hitting the floor with a terrific crash, the mug shattered and spilled tea across the kitchen. As she snatched a clean dishrag from the washing basin, Sera glanced out the open doorway. The flags on the turrets of King Bertram’s castle fluttered happily in the distance, but even that cheerful sight wasn’t enough to make Sera feel better. What she wanted was to see if her Uncle Green had noticed her breaking another dish.

Judging by the fact that he was still collecting the eggs, he hadn’t. Sera breathed a sigh of relief and began to mop up the tea. For once there hadn’t been much left in the cup, so she finished quickly and sat down at the table to wait. Mrs. Stemley came by every week when there was no school to see how Sera was doing, and this week was no exception. Sera could just see the woman through the window, huffing and puffing along the road. Stifling a sigh, Sera used her foot to drag the bag of mending to where she could reach it and picked up a torn apron.

Mrs. Stemley burst in the door. “Serendipity, dear, how are you?” Sera managed a single breath before Mrs. Stemley pulled her into a fierce hug. At twelve years old, Sera was entirely too old and too skinny for such a hug. “Is Green feeding you properly? Young men always forget to feed people, and farmers never keep enough food on hand for growing children.” A bouquet of daisies, already in jar full of water, was pressed into Sera’s hand before Mrs. Stemley decided better of it and put it on the table instead.

The woman smiled. “How is the mending coming along? You’re not working too hard, are you dear? My word, if your mother could see you now, how she’d groan. Allegreta was always so neat and tidy, and here you are with stains and dirt all over that dress. If only you had a fairy godmother to look after you. Oh, don’t worry, dear. I’ll have you fixed up in a jiffy or my name isn’t Charity Stemley.” As if by magic, Sera’s brown hair was in a neat braid down her back, with no loose ends or leaves stuck in. Charity Stemley took her name very seriously.

Sera could only blink, stunned like always with the sheer force of her benefactor's personality. In keeping with her name, Mrs. Stemley was nothing if not generous. For the twelve years of Sera’s life she had matched her considerable will against Sera's unnatural ability to get into trouble, mostly without success. In the four years since Sera's mother had died Mrs. Stemley had expanded her efforts to include cleanliness, again with only small success.

“Of course, it would be easier for me to look after you if you lived in the village. Perhaps if you lived closer to a well you could keep cleaner. I’m sure Mr. Stemley would be willing to let you live in your mother’s old cottage. It would make my heart so much easier if you lived in Tolerable,” Mrs. Stemley prattled on as she put away the breakfast dishes.

“Thank you, Mrs. Stemley, but I’m sure that Uncle Green would prefer to have me here with him at the farm,” Sera said in her most polite voice.

Mrs. Stemley sighed. “Yes, I suppose you are safer with family, though I do wish the man would talk more. Green Beanwell is almost as silent as Taciturn, your poor father, and they were brothers after all.” The table was wiped clean and spotless. “Family is all well and good, but you should spend more time with other people. I know you don’t get along well with my Swan but it is important for you to have friends your own age.” Folded neatly, the dishrag went into its proper place draped over the wash bucket.

Sera stuck out her tongue when Mrs. Stemley turned her back to straighten some dishes. Swan Stemley was a pretty girl with very fair skin, like her name suggested, but she was as mean as a starving dog. Poking away at the mending, Sera hoped that Mrs. Stemley would leave soon and stop talking about her dead parents so much. Lost in her wishing, Sera hissed in pain when the needle jabbed into her finger hard enough to draw blood.

Mrs. Stemley was right there with a rag, clucking in dismay. “Goodness, dear, that luck of yours is just as awful as ever. I always hoped that it would change as you got older, but then your father had his accident and your mother caught the fever. And, of course, there was that business last month in the tavern.” She dabbed at Sera’s hand with the rag, sweeping the accursed mending into its basket and away from danger with her free hand. “Such horribly bad luck for someone so young.”

Biting her lip, Sera stared hard at the floor and swallowed. She refused to cry, because that would give Mrs. Stemley something else to cluck over. Sera’s mother had named her Serendipity, hoping that a little girl named “happy chance” would bring the family luck. It hadn’t. When Sera cooked supper it burned, when she planted vegetables they withered, and when Mayor Stemley came for tea she spilled raspberry jam on his satin shoes. All kinds of accidents happened when Sera was around.

“Almost done, Mrs. Stemley?” Green asked from the doorway. He placed the basket of entirely unbroken eggs on the table.

Mrs. Stemley started and jerked the rag away from Sera’s hand. “Yes, Mr. Beanwell, of course. Sera seems to be alright. Poor dear poked her finger with a needle but she should be just fine.” Sera could see Mrs. Stemley eying the streaks of dust in Green’s black hair, fingers practically twitching to comb out the dirt and make things tidy.

Green nodded and went back to the barn. Without any other mention of Sera’s parents, Mrs. Stemley put the rag in the washing pile and picked up her bag and umbrella. “I’d love to see you and your uncle in town tomorrow, Sera. There’s a noblewoman visiting relatives and she’s staying the night with us. I’m sure you’d love to see her, dear. She’s quite unusual and that lovely silver carriage is something to see.” Mrs. Stemley smiled kindly, gave Sera a final hug and left.

Sera remained in the house, puzzling through the news that Mrs. Stemley had let slip. Important and unusual people usually skipped Tolerable altogether and went straight to King Bertram's palace nearby. Even if the noblewoman only stayed for a day, she had to be worth seeing. Sera's mind began working as fast as possible, looking for a way to persuade her uncle to let her go to the village the next day.

Author's Note

Does this beginning hook you in? Is the fact that this is a fantasy world obvious?

Reviews

[E. M. Marks]

1.No, this beginning does not hook me, I kept waiting for something to happen. 2. I could not tell that it was a fantasy world except for when Mrs. Stemley fixed Sera's hair and the castle.

I love the main character! She intrigues me. I also like the grumpy Uncle but what is the story about? That should be in your first paragraph, or at least in the first chapter. The characters are very interesting and I really like they way you describe them, but I want to know more about Sera, and why I should read her story. The name of the book is good, the first chapter should show that.

I hope this isn't too soul crushing, I really am trying to help, honestly. You are a good writer compared to some of the other things i have read here. Just make this chapter more exciting, then maybe agents would like it too!

EMM

[Lady Grayish]

Not at all soul crushing. You're addressing what was asked for, and you did so without being nasty (and even found some nice things to say). Thank you for taking the time to read this piece!

[Madeleine R. Spalding]

In regard to your questions, the beginning did hook me in. You begin with a unique detail about the primary character--her clumsiness/ineptitude--and proceed to extenuate on that. I feel like I got to know Serendipity pretty well even in this first chapter, and reading this chapter makes me want to keep reading to know more about her and her life. You do a good job of introducing key characters in this first chapter in an intriguing way, making me want to know more about them (mainly Charity Stemley, who seems to be a kind and interesting woman). I like the playful names like Tolerable, Taciturn, and Charity that also hold meaning for each character and, I'm guessing, the town. The one aspect of this chapter that confused me was why Sera would stick her tongue out at Mrs. Stemley when it's really Mrs. Stemley's daughter that irritates her--unless she's irritated by Mrs. Stemley as well (which doesn't seem to be the case)? Maybe you could have it so that Sera doesn't stick her tongue out at Mrs. Stemley's back but still thinks about how she dislikes Swan.

As for your question about whether or not it's obvious that you've set your story in a fantasy world, I can tell you: It's obvious. It's obvious not only because there is a town called Tolerable but also because you mention magic and fairy godmothers. I wouldn't worry at all about readers not catching on to the fact that your story is set in a fantastical realm.

I look forward to reading more.

[Lady Grayish]

I'm glad you liked it. Hopefully you like the rest of the story, now that I've gotten it all posted.