II. Thus the rain pours

II. Thus the rain pours

A Chapter by leaflet

Freedom is like an ice-cream, so sweet and so cold.

(4 individual poems)

1. Thus the rain pours

Thus the rain pours
And I sit here
Doing nothing
Nothing at all
While a fire burns in my lungs
For he stands across the room
And stares.
I’d gladly escape the room
And scream
But his fists are strong
And I, a girl.

2. Home

Is the place for
People screaming their lungs out
For no reason
At all

A flash of sunlight
Dripping though the leaves
Into the darkness
Of home

If the leaves rattle
And let out the sunshine
Then all is well
And safe, and sound

But if they cover
That stream of light
And home becomes a
battlefield with
horns, cannons and wheels rolling
Off our tongues

There’s no end
To the falsehoods we speak
In the name of love

Forget about love
That empty, monstrous word
The seed for turmoil

I need a home
Not filled with arguments nor

But with loud laughter
Friendly chatter
A place where I can be

3. The Freed Mare

Her breathe is frozen
As time-
Time becomes chosen
The rhyme
Will never be the same

For she has loosened
The knot-
Which tied her to the oven
And trots
Away, no longer tamed
But already frozen.

4. Tomorrow, tomorrow

The mist is in the midst
Of the dampened streets
Enshrouding the pond

Those angry brows
The ghost of tomorrow
Verily feral
Whose warmth cannot elude
My lousy vows
To try all the arrows
Until I reach the narrow

But broken are my bones
Bent are these honourable claims
Of loss, love and
Of sorrow.

Remember, remember
When Apollo’s son died
And our ancestors first cracked the bones
To ask the gods, who answered:


© 2021 leaflet

My Review

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Overall, good wordplay in every poem.
#1 -- I did not like the ending, being a girl means not being strong . . .
#2 -- far & away the best poem here, very expressive with a killer opening, but showing so realistically how "home" can be both the best & the worst . . .
#3 -- Good strong interesting message, but I don't like your line breaks, kinda choppy to read instead of fluid . . .
#4 -- Best wordplay (mist/midst) . . . (verily feral) . . . (lousy vows) = good job of paying attention to the way something sounds as it's read aloud (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

Posted 2 Months Ago

Thus the Rains Pours: I know a good number of girls and women who would take issue with that last word, but [email protected]@@@@@mn!!!!! this is a powerful piece. The imagery, the flow - fantastic!!

Home: Powerful, profound, really stabs in the right places. Some linebreaks are questionable, though. When you linebreak, you say something, when you stanzabreak, you say another, and sometimes it affects the flow/musicality. The linebreak to "Arguments" is odd but to an extent it works. The "at all" not so much, as it's a pause too many in between thoughts. What you could do is repeat the "for no reason" so you really jab that knife in with the message; Stanza 4, similar deal: questionable line breaks BUT, in the end they actually work with what's going on in that stanza and the poem as a whole; Stanza 5 should start with "Then" as it's a continuation of the thought in the previous stanza, and because of how you've linebroken the stanza in 5, it would work better if "justified" were just "justify" as you have that "pause", which connects th verb to the "we" before "speak", and you have that play going on there; Stanza 6, it's not necessary to put "love" on its own line, bring "nor" down with it; then Stanza 7, it looks like there should be a line break between a couple of thoughts/lines - but the poem as a whole is fantastic, I'll grant you that (in Stanza 2, I believe it should be "Dripping *through", no?)

The Freed Mare: "Breath" not "Breathe" (noun not verb), and no dash after "knot" (I can see why you did that, but it doesn't work here as the next line is part of the same thought), but in-freaking-credible! Brava!!

Tomorrow, Tomorrow: Getting Shakespearean, are we? lol. Again, careful with line breaks, more in Stanza 1 than anywhere else. Everything else is top-notch. I'm not too crazy about the repetition of "bones" where it appears, but I can think more on it to see whether or not it's personal and the line actually does work, but ooooooh, man! There are some fabulous lines in this, and I applaud you for those!!

Well done!!

Posted 3 Months Ago

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2 Reviews
Added on January 23, 2021
Last Updated on January 23, 2021
Tags: poetry, youth, rebellion, youth rebellion, teen, young adult, female, girl



i came from venus, where fish flied.

poetry is my blood 18, turning 19 soon she/her/hers adherent of negative capability, believer of "renaissance man" expectations ________________________________________________ I do not.. more..

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