A Person You Don't Want to Be

You smile but you want to frown.

You laugh but you want to cry.

You talk but you want to say nothing.

Starting every morning wishing you hadn’t.

Live why? Because you HAVE to.

Whatever that means.

 

Living with the person you hate the most.

The person who hates YOU the most.

You can’t escape being that person.

A person you don’t want to be.

 

Love with a heart that is broken.

Feel with nerves that are shattered.

Every breath you take.

Not for you. But for them.

Friends. Family. But no one.

Living for others.

Because you don’t want to live for yourself.

 

You feel like you are falling and can’t get up.

And just when you do, you fall back down.

It’s like the feeling you get when you are on a roller coaster.

Except it never goes away.

 

People see light all around you

But all you see is darkness.

It’s like looking through a veil

A black veil.

A black veil that never comes off.

 

You try to shine.

To hide the person you are.

The person you REALLY are.

A person you don’t want to be.

 

But at night this mask comes off.

You are empty and alone.

The moon is out but the world is dark.

Billions of people. But silence.

Tired from pretending.

Tired from hiding.

Who you really are.

A person you don’t want to be.

 

And there are days come when the mask doesn’t fit.

You frown. You cry. You say nothing.

People stare. People laugh.

They don’t understand.

You frown because you can’t smile.

You cry because you can’t laugh.

You say nothing because you have nothing to say.

Because you are not worth saying anything.

 

Being depressed is worse than being sad.

But there is a reason for it.

You are not just a person.

You are a person you don’t want to be.