When That is All You Want to Do

Tired but you can’t sleep.

Thoughts rush through your mind

The moment you head hits the pillow.

The moment your eyelids meet.

Worries prevail and rob you of your dreams.

Regrets of the day washing over you.

Drowning you.

Making it hard to breathe.

You watch the hours pass

As you lay motionless in the silence.

Your eyes closed. Hoping.

Just maybe you will get your release.

But you don’t sleep.

When that is all you want to do.

 

Silent but you can’t speak.

The dictator in your head

Telling you your opinion doesn’t matter.

That you have nothing to say.

That you are not worth saying anything.

So you don’t speak.

When that is all you want to do.

 

Happy. No. Less Sad. But you can’t smile.

The pain. The regrets. The heartache of the past

Preventing you from doing so.

Because somehow apathy seems easier than sensitivity.

You never get disappointed because you always are.

You never get sad because you never weren’t.

When crying becomes your laugh.

And frowning becomes your smile.

Crying for so long you forget how to laugh.

Frowning for so long that you don’t know how to smile.

Sadness molding the muscles in your face

So they only move one way. Down.

Sorrow making you believe its lie

That you don’t deserve to be happy. So you aren’t.

When that is all you want to do.

 

Breathless but you can’t breathe.

A weight on your chest.

Holding you down.

A sheet on your face

Suffocating you.

Making every breath a fight.

A battle. A struggle. A war.

But you breathe.

When that is the last thing you want to do.