Locked Out

You tell me.

I’ve been waiting for someone I don’t know

I’ve been planning to go where I can’t go

And there’s a lot of sand beneath my feet

My mind’s in the clouds

Could you bring it down?

 

I tell tales from the middle of nowhere

I sell anger and you pay me if you dare

All the nights that I’ve seen you

Now they’re too far away

When I try to touch you

Here comes the day

 

And how does it make you feel?

When you’re hidden you can’t make it real

And how does it make you see?

‘Cos if you’re still blind that’s nothing to do with me

My dreams are all locked out

And I won’t need you around

Anymore.

Author's Note

You tell me.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

A very strong poem. Easy to get twisted in the emotion of love. People with too many dreams are hard to hold down. Sometime we must find peace in a release to be able to wander to a better place. We hope?
"And how does it make you feel?
When you’re hidden you can’t make it real"
Thank you for a excellent poem.
Coyote

[LittleMadGirl]

It is amazing!
While I usually try to point out what I liked and disliked this one just blew my mind
100/100

[Art]

a mystical escape...the muse can hide from us untill we let it all back in, nice work on this poetic thought...

[joshua deathdealer]

I really love this write. It speaks to me in ways I can't describe. Well done.

[Rikkevi Rue]

you just have that way of making it all feel so PERSONAL! That is what I like best about your work. It involves and intimates the reader into the piece as if though one didn't create the warm dead body, he witnessed it! Perhaps I shouldn't use a dead body but whatever it is still warm...and has that pulse of life!

Many of your verses have the feel of lyrics...

always a pleasure...very nice work my dear.

[Shelby]

I loved this.

"All the nights that I’ve seen you
Now they’re too far away
When I try to touch you
Here comes the day"

Beautiful lines, and a good metaphor for the way this love is going. Night, for the darkness and pain, but also for blindness. Day, everything becomes clear, and you can finallly see, reinforced by the last lines:

"And I won’t need you around
Anymore."

Simply incredible. I love that you didn't lay it all out for the world to instantly understand. There was a little mystery, a little figuring for the reader to do, and that makes it interesting, at least for me. Eloquent and mysterious, my favorite combo. Also, the rhyme scheme was very well thought out. I like the rhythm you get ging right away, and the reader can just cruise along, reading and feeling and not getting bored. Too often wih love poems I've thought "When is this gonna end, already?" but never with you. You have that perfect amount of metaphor, style, and emotion (by the way, your control is nice. A lot of times people forget about style and structure and just o with the passion, but you have a great medium of all of it). Very well done my friend. Now I will challenge you, even if you don't post them, to try out different styles. Try the more structured poems (haikus, sonnets) rather than just free verse. This will give you added leverage when you want to write free verse, because you will have a full understanding of different types and you can add it in, mixing things up. As always, this is just a suggestion and you are free to disregard. Lovely my friend. Thank you for sharing.

[Richard Williams]

A nice poem with some fine phrasing, like, "I sell anger and you pay me if you dare." You capture an assertive position of loss, though sad, in that dreams are now locked out. A fine poetic concept.

[Aidz]

to delve and play with the unknown, to be scorned and burnt by the touch... enjoyed the questions this put out there kewl :)

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

The one-sided nature of love made this poem heavy on the heart.
Sad, but compelling work.