Beacon Hill Park

Walking in Beacon Hill Park
Allows me to escape when
Noises of humans, vehicles and construction
Are too much for me in my apartment

I get distracted too easily by it
I visualize myself in fantasy
As a reclusive spider in a dark, soundproof dungeon
Or basement
Weaving beautiful webs with singular attention to detail

Man I got off track
My smoking neighbour is wretching
As if a rabid cat crawled down his throat
And was trying to make it's way out of his flesh

The part of the park I like to go to
Is some rocky hills, that stick out
From dried brush
It always reminds me of nature films
On lions where they live in africa
I guess it's that way due to fires that were wild
Fires that were started by then drunken children
That party there on the weekend nights
And sell drugs

It is relaxing despite the flattened pepsi cups
And broken glass of malt liquor
And cans of Lucky
Reading there in the shade is a joy
For a while
Until the rocky ground grinds into my tailbone

Reviews

[kublakhan27]

This was an interesting one, the way it seems to combine the best and worst of nature...when one talks about fantasy, it is probably assumed that it's something good...then the smoking neighbour and rabid cat brings everything down to earth haha Nice work Luke :)

[Luke L]

thanks, brotha!

[kublakhan27]

Not a problem :)

[CriticalxxAngel]

I like how different this poem was. I think it was very interesting and I really enjoyed it.

[Ravyne Hawke]

I really love your attention to details and how you bounce from one thing to another and I didn't get lost.. lol I think this needs work. It is far too wordy:

I guess it's that way due to fires that were wild
Fires that were started by then drunken children
That party there on the weekend nights
And sell drugs

Something like:

I guess it's that way due to wild fires
started there by drunken children
who party there on weekends and sell drugs

Or something of your choosing. It just needs to be tighter without losing your flare.

Great job!

[poetdoug]

"It is relaxing despite the flatted Pepsi cups and broken glass of malt liquor". You have a great way of locating the sublime in the middle of the slime! Good writing my friend!

[Rafia ~ Yellow Girl]

You've a very strong descriptive power! it wont help you in poetry alone but also in writing a novel...
I had suchaa great time taking a trip to the park through your poem :)

[ms. barrie]

Very descriptive and unique choice of words, how each stanza changes moods and landscapes. Amazing poem, thanks for sharing and pen on :)

[Prritiy]

Like the way you describe man-made things which cause nuisance and subtly describe the calmness/ joy the companionship of nature brings into the soul.


Third line i guess its Noises.

[Luke L]

no moises is a word right... thanks

[Prritiy]

you are welcome.

[Pryde Foltz]

I love the back and forth on this. I assume you taking the piss out of the precious. I think you could almost title this the ADHD poet. You can escape the noise of city but you can't escape the voices in your mind. Very funny.

[Luke L]

haha actually they were the noises of the city it was someone on a balcony outside my apartment that interrupted me

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Very Keruac-esque, save a wee bit of wordiness. I love the concept, and the imagery is great. I really enjoyed the escapism aspect of this piece; to feel the need to leave the apartment and go to a place where there is nothing but nature and quiet is something I can relate to. Sometimes sound gets to me a little bit as well, and I just need to stew in my own thoughts.

As I mentioned above, a little wordy in places. For instance, i would write your first stanza this way:

Walking in Beacon Hill Park
allows me to escape when the noise
of humans, vehicles, and construction
are too much for me, in my apartment -- just cutting out the unnecessary "and's" and things like that...not changing the content at all.

Overall, I really liked this one Luke. I could picture the place, and the last stanza was really my favorite; very tangible and yet spiritual as wel.

[Luke L]

good call I edited that, thanks :)

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

No problem, my friend :)

[Meliss@k]

I really really enjoyed this one. I literally could picture every. Single. Detail. Your imagery was on the point and full of craftsmanship. It shows that there is beauty everywhere we look, even if we are looking at broken bottles and trash, there is always something beautiful lurking close by.

Absolutely refreshing.