Fallen

Wrote this for a friend a few days ago

Once her life was black.

Then she found a new source,

A light in the tunnel to bring her back.

An angel to save her with no remorse.

Her voice hoarse from the screaming,

Her eyes red from the crying,

Only to find she was just dreaming,

As she lost the thought of dying.

A black angel hath found her lost soul,

His wings dark and long.

His love made her feel whole,

Although she knew it was wrong.

A heart made of ice,

A burning passion like fire.

Her love did he entice,

His love she does desire.

They talk and laugh,
They whisper and scream.

Though her feelings for him rip her in half,
Her joyous tears flow like the stream.

Now she sits with her love,

Locked deep inside the secret sits.

A miracle from above,

Though to no one she admits.

Author's Note

What do you think?

Reviews

[The Water Queen]

The fifth stanza to me seems a little choppy and somewhat hinders the flow of the poem. All in all this poem kept me reading until the end. I loved it. Great work.

[Wicahpi]

I have the perfect image for this piece.
An angel in a dream becomes a reality,
an illusion into vivid realism ...
I enjoyed this poem but have one suggestion...
I'd play with the next to the last stanza, for
I feel the rhyme pattern chosen is forced.
I like trust...but the third line seems not
quite perfect. A tweak?

I did really enjoy this fantasy.

[deeps]

WOW I think this one is simply amazing! I enjoyed this.
Such a wonderful flow of words as well.

[Martina]

wow very good,
for the first time in poetry, I understand it very well.
awesome job with the beauiful description :)

[Taste of Ink]

Wow! I really liked this! Your description is beautiful. Great job!

[Ashimoto]

I rather like this poem. Good job! :)

[Amaunet]

i actually find the lack of a defined rhymth rather good for the content of the poem. for while she longs for his love she too knows it is wrong thus keeping it secret from everyone else. so while it makes her feel whole she also feels conflicted.

Just my perspective though

[Mike O'Sean]

It was lacking a bit of rhythm. It flowed more like prose. When you add commas and periods at the end of each line, it helps identify if the thought has ended or is still going. I am a fan of AB rhyme scheme.