My Hopeless Ocean

If I could create the reality of my own,

You would never find a place for yourself.

You would endlessly wander within solemn walls,

You would feel your body and soul becoming slender.

Within the reality of my own,

I would be the goddess of rain with a silver crown,

And you like a tragic beggar looking for home,

Would avoid my glance full of disgust.

I believe,that within the world of my own,

Creating divine laws,

I would be the most powerful power,

Your never ending story...

And each imploring whisper to slow down this torture,

Would be commonly finished with hundreds of commas..

You endlessly suffering creature,

Will you ever mind my hopeless oceans,that I am destined to be drawn to?

I believe,You will rigidly mourn to your rivers

As forever  fallen people do...

Reviews

[Poeticme]

This is very dark but beautiful at the same time, very well penned my lady, thanks for sharing such a deep and direct write

Poeticme

[Maria]

Thank you dear... yes , I agree,it is very dark,like my feelings ))

[Cameron Berry]

This really evoked a sense of isolation effectively, and i think the reader or the writer could take either role in this piece. "Solemn" in the first stanza, third line could be corrected. "Would be commonly finished with hundreds of commas.." was a good line. Overall, nice work!

[Maria]

Thank you Cameron ( that's keyboard)

[Richard🖌]

Sheesh, Maria!
It seems whomever this "You" person is, is in for a really rough time of it … I feel very sorry for him;
he must have stepped on your toes pretty hard to deserve such vehement retaliation.
With high emotion and direction of purpose, your well-expressed words certainly are vividly rendered, in ways that drive the point in quite deeply.
Excellent word painting imagery, Maria, but try to shorten some of the longer lines for a better flow.

Your keen literary skills are quite obvious here, and I admire how you've presented your work, as-well, with a great picture to enhance your poem's effect; though, a large version of it above your poem would express more impact.

Thank you most gratefully for sharing! ⁓ Richard : )

[Maria]

Richard,thank you... yes.. I must agree that you are absolutely right.. for me it is simply impossible to write without pain.. I love and hate it at the same time.