The words I know so well

The words I know so well

A Poem by Mark D

My tears ran cold
As monsters crawled up my leg
And tongued upon my knee
I started to fumble
Over the words I know so well

I embark upon the last long walk
And unfold my white flag
My coffin will have beautiful wood
To make them wonder who’s beauty lies within

My flag will be presented to my son before I go
But what will I say
To cool his aching heart?
And allow him at will
To bring me back to life?

Remember these words
In a life rich in mistakes
They are all I have learned
“You are as you decide to be”

© 2012 Mark D


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I absolutely adore the first stanza, especially the first three lines (and even more so the first two of those three). "cool his aching heart" is also great. Like putting a cool cloth to a feverish forehead to help heal. Feverish heart... Not sure if I'm a fan of the last three stanzas... they seem too vague almost. In the second stanza, I'd replace "beautiful" when describing the wood of the coffin with the actual type of wood--mahogony? cherry? oak? white pine? So many options! Mainlhy because you then say "who's beauty lies beneath" Also, not quite sure if I like "beauty" there. Describe the speaker to us--it's the perfect opportunity! Scarred? Pale? Freshly shaven? What kind of clothes is he buried in? I want to be sad after reading this, I can feel the shadow creeping along the other side of the corner, but it's just not there yet. Thanks for sharing!

Posted 11 Years Ago


This comment has been deleted by the poster.
I feel a little lost as to this one, a little confused as to the subject matter.
The words used are very well worked with, the flow is brilliant and its got a nice feel to its only a shame that i can't understand it to well but im sure that's just me.

Posted 11 Years Ago


its beautiful. I love it! "my flag will be presented to my son before i go"..!!! amazing

Posted 11 Years Ago


the last stanza is my fav!! great job!!!

Posted 11 Years Ago


“You are what you decide to be” how true.
wonderful write!


Posted 11 Years Ago


Oh, i could definately feel this poem quite well! Stunning write. It's true. It is our own choices that makes us - who we are. A very powerful and inspiring poem! ~
Thank you!

Posted 11 Years Ago


a most exquisite write, with a beautiful message.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Yes, we have a choice.........well done

Posted 11 Years Ago


beautiful

Posted 11 Years Ago


This one gave me chills, especially the first stanza, great imagery (scary but great).

Posted 11 Years Ago


This comment has been deleted by the poster.
eglantine

11 Years Ago

if a poem scares me, that's usually a sign it's a great poem
Allie

11 Years Ago

Yes, don't be sorry at all, it is a good thing that your writing can instill these emotions in a per.. read more

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Shelved in 1 Library
Added on February 24, 2012
Last Updated on September 6, 2012

Author

Mark D
Mark D

Edinburgh, United Kingdom



About
I am a 30 year old from Edinburgh in Scotland more..

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