Letters to Lucy

This story is sort of indescribable.

Amy broke down in tears at her computer in the middle of writing her most recent letter to her twin sister. The one thing in the world that was just hers...her twin...gone. It still hit her hard on days like today, where everything seems to go wrong. She just wanted to curl up in a ball in front of the fireplace and hope her sister walked out of the ashes...and so she did...and she did.

There are so many things that will never change from my memories... Star Castle reminds me of you...the smell of energy, to me, and fun...and I'll always remember skating with you right there by my side in case I fell. And going up to the counter to get skates with me...I was always so scared but, even though you bitched about it a lot, you still went with me, and made it easier. I really hope you can do that for me at work if I get to see you again... this new job is so hard and I'm already having problems with my managers, and it's so hard to deal with..I need you there, too. I don't really know why I'm telling you this....I guess it feels like if I write it all out to you, and address it, and send it off to Heaven, or the North Pole, or where ever yo're at, you'll actually get it and come running back to save me, again, like you used to...I know that's completely irrational since you left years ago, but I like to think someday you'll just appear and make things all be okay again. I am a little scared of how you and my shadow might get along though...you always did kind of have a tendency to push people away, even pushing my people away from me...but I think you'd learn to love each other through your love for me...right?

There are so many things I need to talk to someone about but my shadow just doesn't have the patience to wait for me to get it out, because they're the kinds of things you can't just. say., if that makes sense. It's just the kinds of things that sort of require an explanation, or something leading up to it, and then require the time to competently spill out without messing up too badly, or it'll sound wrong and hurt someone's feelings. But I'm hurting so bad from keeping it in...and the longer I wait to say anything to anyone, I think the worse it's going to get. This worries me a little because it's never ended well before, but I'm hoping it'll be different this time and it'll be okay...right, sis? You'll make it okay, right?

Amy begs, through tears, as her twin stands in front of her, dirty and covered in ashes, but still the same tall, thin girl with straight brown hair and green eyes that Amy remembers from her childhood...older, but obviously recognizable.

"Sissy!!!" Amy exclaimed, jumping up from her seat, grabbing the girl out of the flames and pinning her on the sofa...”I thought you’d never come back....”

“Stupid girl... I love you, and I always have, and always will...I’ll always be with you, unless you let them take me away.”

“I’d never let anyone take you, sis...I love you!” Amy cried, desperately, as Lucy came over and held her close, to make up for all the many years apart.

“I missed you, baby...I may have been so mean to you sometimes, but it was to help you grow up...it was because I knew that, if I was mean then, the things that were going to happen in the future would be less hard for you..you’d have my memory to get you through it.”

  The girls sat quietly together for a minute or so, Amy recovering a bit and Lucy cleaning herself of the ashes that clung to her clothes and hair, when Amy suddenly gasped.

 “You know the future?” she whispered, wide-eyed.

 “Of course I do. I’m dead...once you die, you’re a fragment of everything, the Earth, the people, the animals...even the clouds and the stars. And...for all those years I had to be gone, I was watching you from the clouds and through everyone you’ve ever met until now.”

  Amy stares, shocked and confused. “You mean... you did die? You didn’t just leave?”

  “I died when you didn’t need me any more.”

 “But I always ne-”

 “No, you didn’t. You just thought you did...and that’s why I had to go. When you were getting better, and less sick--by the way, yes, you were sick, but we’ll get to that later--you still held on to me for dear life. And that’s why I had to die...to let you go.”

 “But I--”

 “Let me finish, child!”

 “Sorry...I’m just-”

 “Shut up! Anyway, you wouldn’t let me go, so I had to force you. And it was more painful for you that way, so the next time I have to leave, please just let me leave. It will save you a lot of pain and suffering when it comes down to it.”

  “I-I didn’t know...”

 “No, you didn’t. And you won’t in the future either.”

 “Then how do I-”

  “You won’t.”

  “Then...”

 “I can’t give you all the answers, dummy. I can just warn you that there will be another time that I will leave you. I can’t stay forever, or you won’t ever get to live. And in the end, that’s what I’m here for--to help you live. But, while I'm helping you, I'm also hindering you from living in reality.”

 “I suppose you’re right... but it’s still too scary to live without you...”

  “You think that now. But, when the time comes, and you actually have to do it, you’ll be okay.”

  “Somehow, I don’t believe that.”

  “Somehow, I didn’t expect you to.”

 “Then why are you telling me all of this?”

 “Because even though you don’t believe it now, in the future when it proves true, you’ll learn a lesson from it.”

  “Oh...”

 The twins stood together in silence for several minutes, Lucy looking around and Amy staring at her, still mildly in shock that she had just--

  “Wait!” Any shouted suddenly.

 “What? Don’t yell,” Lucy said.

 “You just... but you said you were... are you a ghost?”

 “What?” Lucy laughed in shock. “No, sissy... I’m not a ghost. That’s something we need to talk about, too, but I’m not sure if you want to hear that right--”

  “Tell me!” Amy said, again almost yelling.

  “Calm the f**k down and I might!” Lucy said in the same tone.

 “Don’t b***h at me!” Amy yelled, frustrated.

 After a couple of minutes, she said meekly, “Just tell me... please?”

“That’s what I thought,” Lucy said, slightly bitterly. “Just let me get in the door before you start being a b***h again, okay?” Amy rolled her eyes, but didn’t respond, so Lucy continued the story of what had actually happened to Amy when she had left...

Author's Note

Just to clear this up: Her twin sister is a hallucination she has had since early childhood, who disappeared for a few years. This picks up with her writing a letter to her.

This is one of the most emotional stories I've ever written as it relates, strongly, to my life. There are many more parts to this that I'm trying to get on paper, and there is more that came before this that I can share as well, but I'd like some opinions and advice on this first--especially on dialogue, and making sure you guys understand what's going on.

Reviews

[Zap-the-awesome]

It's really heart tugging and attention catching. As for understanding it, I'm not sure that I do. It seems like either she is imagining or dreaming about her dead sister or perhaps her sister was actually just imaginary from the beginning. Or maybe you are writing it literally and she really is a ghost back from the dead. It's good, however you meant it

[Cookie]

Thanks for your review. :)
I was going for hallucinating her. I don't know how to pull that off at all, though. Would you have any suggestions of how I could make that clear to the reader, maybe without stating it outright?

[Zap-the-awesome]

Maybe if she overheard a doctor talking to her mother and father about hallucination problems in their daughter or something? That just a thought.

[Cookie]

Okay. :) That was actually something I was thinking of adding but I wasn't sure if it'd help or hurt the story - thank you!

[Zap-the-awesome]

Well everything is subject to writing and then erasing if it doesn't fit. Sometimes you gotta be willing to write something that you know you might end up trashing just to see if it would work. You've done great so far, I'm sure you'll figure a way out to make it right

[Cookie]

That's definitely something I should work on, being willing to mess it up to make it better.

Thanks for all your advice :)

[Zap-the-awesome]

Anytime. XD

[DarkRainbowPie]

This is really good, it's like a chapter in a book. I'm left wanting to more when I finish it. You should completely seperate the letter from the rest of the text, though :) The dialogue is fine, it's done well. I'll just alert you to 2 typos I picked up on; line 8 of the letter - you have the word 'you're' typed as 'yo're'. And then line 12 from the bottom, you have Amy typed as 'Any'. Sorry, I'm not being a snob about it, I'm just pointing them out because they've been overlooked. All in all, a gripping story, and thoroughly enjoyable, great job, can't wait to hear more about the girl's' :D

[Cookie]

Thank you for pointing out my typos! I'll go back and edit that when I get the chance.

And thank you for your review :) I can't wait to have more to post!

[Marie]

You're a good writer, Cy; you tell a story well, and the dialogue is good, though I'm not drawn to emotional stories. As far as it goes, I understand it.

I tend to give you better reviewe thanTrigorin, because I wrote at 18 and not as well as you do. I'm sure Trigorin wrote brilliantly at six...

[Trigorin]

Yep.

[Cookie]

Thank you so much, Marie! :) I appreciate that; I'm often told my dialogue doesn't connect, or sounds awkward and forced, so I worry about that part a lot. I'm glad you can understand it, that's another thing I worry about. I wish I was better at writing that wasn't based off of emotions, but I guess emotional is just my thing.

Thank you for your kind words. :)

[Marie]

Well, you have a lot of time ahead of your to gain experience and practice writing.

[Kenilo Kent]

You have a way with words and plays with imagination soo beautifuly. Keep it up.

[Trigorin]

It does hold the reader's attention, but the ending was a little disappointing - I would have liked to have seen more instead of just leaving it on a cliffhanger. Some of your word choice is a little off, I think, as well, and you might want to format the letter differently in addition to just italicizing it. As it stands it's a little unclear whether it's the letter or the narrator's internal monologue.

[Cookie]

I wasn't sure how I should format letters in writing. I'm aware it needs to stand out, but do you have any recommendations of how else to accomplish that?

[Trigorin]

Offset it with a couple of lines before and after, indent it one tab more, and write all the parts of it (i.e., 'Dear etc.', 'Love, etc.')

[Cookie]

Thank you! That's actually a good idea that totally did not occur to me. I'll edit this in the longer version. :)

[chaotic katie]

very powerful and emotional peice i enjoyed reading it

[Alina-Sofia]

I agree with Zaptheawesome

[Summer'sBreeze]

It's a great write just as Zaptheawesome stated below, but it is quiet confusing to the reader.
A lot of things left unsaid to the reader and I can't connect it.
But still a great write.

[Cookie]

Is there any chance you could tell me more specifically what you need clarified for it to make sense?

[Summer'sBreeze]

Everything was pretty much said by Zaptheawesome. :)

[Summer'sBreeze]

Everything was pretty much said by Zaptheawesome. :)