Chapter 1: Memories

Chapter 1: Memories

It had been exactly 12 days 4 hours and 14 seconds since Shawn left my world. I keep wondering when I’m going to lose track of the time forget the seconds that tick by in this cruel world. I wonder when I’m going to start crying when I’m going to break down in tears from how much I miss him.

I was in my room; the theme at the time was dark romance. The walls were black with a deep lusty red trim. My bed in the middle of the room was a king sized bed and it for the first time in a long time was made. The red blanket on top with black hearts and a few white ones, Shawn would always say that the white ones were the purest, like our love. Every time we made love on this bed, the fallowing morning I would wake up surrounded by white rose petals, or white hearts, or something else white.

At the moment I was sitting on the love seat that his mother had gave us on our second year anniversary. It just happened to match the rooms theme otherwise it would have gone in the hallway as a decoration. It was a hay wire love seat the wire was dyed black. It started with no cushions but one day Shawn and I went out and bought a set of white ones and red ones. I’ll never forget what he said that day, “The white ones are for our asses and the red ones are for our backs, the red symbolizes the lust we’re leaving behind and the white shows the pure love we have gained.” His deep voice spoke in my head. At that moment my heart sank to the bottom of my stomach and I began to cry. I pulled my knee’s up to my face and buried my pale heartbroken face into it them and stayed like that for a few hours.

When the very first signs of dawn appeared I was already up, starring out the window at the street light, my eyes void of feeling, void of life. I didn’t sleep last night; my brain wouldn’t let me; it was too busy running through all the possible outcomes that could happen to Shawn. ‘What if he dies? What if he’s hated? When will he come home? What if he can’t take it? Will he write me? I miss him, I miss him!’ my soul would cry out.

I stood and became instantly dizzy and leaned to the side, my hand catching myself on my dresser. My hand scanned the area looking for the touch light lamp. My finger bumped against it and the light flicked on I touched it two more times then looked up at the heart shaped mirror. My face was paler than usual, my face so withered, I had barely eaten anything since he left. It wasn’t that I was anorexic its just I wasn’t hungry and days would pass in what seemed like minutes because of how much thought my mind was constantly in. I was no longer in the realm of Earth I was in my own defined world were everything was questioned and nothing was for sure. It was depressing in itself.

I walked to the kitchen; the smell of food repulsed me and made me feel like regurgitating. I grabbed a piece of watermelon from my nearly empty fridge and took 3 bites and put it back already full but still dizzy. I grabbed a bottle of water on the bottom shelf and walked to the living room couch. It was fake leather and my a*s always stuck to it, not to mention how cold it was. I hated the couch but Shawn loved it, it’s the only reason I kept it around.

I grabbed a blue and purple blanket and sat it on the leather and sat down on it then grabbed Shawn’s blanket and wrapped myself in it and drank the bottle of water. My head felt better and as I lay on the couch at three in the morning and finally drifted off to sleep.

Author's Note

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