Faults..

Revision done by: The Exiled Wolf....

When pain, and burden 

Bring us to the merciless ground

We are crushed into million shards 

And tossed around 

By people and their faults 

Finer and finer are the shards 

For failures and blames

Are the composers of our monumental guilt 

For the past faults and awes

Despite our fake smiles

Destroys what's left of us

Once and for all

Now we give up

We take the fall 

We don't care about the pain

For we are already numb

From soaking in the rain

For we all have our faults...

Reviews

[The Exiled Wolf]

I can totally relate to that... Fault and pain are sometimes just too much for one to bear... and attempting to bear it will just make one crazy. Being numb is the only way to shield the fragile heart...

The emotions is very clear, and I guess integrating some of the lines will make it more readable and fluent...

[Tori Jones]

OK, thanks for reviewing it!

[William Liston]

This is a relatable piece and a sad one ... I believe that we are at our worst not when we cry -- but when we feel numb and hopeless. Sometimes, it feels as though we're so accustomed to pain that it no longer hurts; that pain in your chest feels too natural to resist -- almost as though you were born with it. I think you've described that emotion in a clear way; anyone who reads this should be able to relate. Thank you for sharing this piece.

- William Liston

[Tori Jones]

Thank you for reading and reviewing, it means a lot to me.....

[Adam Adams]

very true.
sometimes, or i'd say, most of the times, we encounter people who just take us all down to the core, & remind us 'bout our failures instead of hustling us to moving ascend. you know what, i meet such typa people, & i really feel ev'n bad watching 'em hailing from my past back to my present .. & destroying not just me but also my world, UNDISGUISED... so i guess, i oft. ignore 'em, well, at least, try doin' so.. not to get ignored by 'em at all... xoxo

... everyone has faults. and to escape from such darkness, we must follow the light God has created -- the light of peace. very heartfelt write. i see, most of your stuffs are seemed to be written with the depth of your broken heart, & depressive life. kinda realistic though. keep writing, but i also wishing you the best future ahead. Bless you, sweetheart.

[Tori Jones]

Thank you... I have gotten used to being alone, but God is good and sooner or later I will be free from depression...

[Adam Adams]

whatever happens to you will happen for good. have faith in God. Stay OKAY... and blessed, & SAFE, of course.

[Tori Jones]

Right, don't forget to keep yourself safe... Don't want you falling off any cliffs...

[Adam Adams]

okhay.. so i guess, i was right 'bout what was i thinkin...
well... so what's your plans??

[Tori Jones]

What kind of plans?

[Adam Adams]

falling off cliffs? jumping off railings? buildings? or what else? are you passing having or passing through such plans?

[Tori Jones]

Well, I've always wanted to jump off a cliff...

[Adam Adams]

then what stopping ya, my dear?

[Tori Jones]

I'm not sure... Part of me doesn't want to live, and the other part of me wants to see if things will ever get better...

[Lord of mad men]

Well this is a very wonderful piece I can relate to it. Very nicely done. Yours truely a mad lord

[Tori Jones]

I'm glad you liked it, and I'm sorry you're life is not going very well...It can be hard sometimes when you get pulled into all of the chaos and madness of life, and do things you cannot take back...

[Lord of mad men]

It sounds like you life has been like mine but is all good I am use to my life being this way I am just lucky I have found someone to hopeful spend the rest of my life with. But I am fine with the wah things are going right now they a as good as of gets right now. But thanks for your your kind words

[Tori Jones]

I don't really have anyone, so you are very lucky...I've been pretty much on my own since day one, and have struggled severe depression my whole life...You just gotta learn to get used to being alone, and relying on your own abilities...

[Lord of mad men]

Yeah I just got lucky she found me to be honest I really became use to the idea being alone. Yeah I have been well I like to say lack of a reason. But you are never truely alone. And you will fine someone or someone will find you.

[Tori Jones]

That's very nice of you to say...Your girlfriend is very lucky to have you and you are very lucky to have her. The family I had before I was adopted was very abusive, and they ruined my life. Now that I am older I just haven't been able to connect with anyone. I am super shy, and don't talk to anyone. Plus being bullied everyday at school isn't easy either, I'm the reject no one likes or even notices. I'm the one with no friends, the one who talks to herself. I'm alone, and don't have anyone to talk to so I spend my life writing down how terrible life is and how depressed and alone I am. I'm an outcast, and anyone who has friends is a very lucky person in my opinion...I hope you and your girlfriend never leave each other, for love is a very strong emotion and everyone should have a chance to experience....

[Lord of mad men]

Wow um my girl friend and you are very alike sept her adopted family don't really care about her fully and she still is in pain and I know I am the luckiest person ever. Tbh I would be dead if it was not for her. I have like one friend. So I know how you feel I am the kid that stays in the back of the class looking at my hands and talking to myself. I am the kid no one ever sees and gets scared we they notice me. Its not all bad because there ate a lot of people like us on this site. So if you ever need to talk just say the word.

[Tori Jones]

Yes, there are quite a few people on this website with the same problem...I do talk to people sometimes, but it doesn't help the fact that I have no friends in real life...I have six brothers but they are very mean and scary, my parents don't care about anything I do... I was in the hospital lask week, and when the doctors asked what happened they said "Oh, nothing just a little fever or something. Nothing to worry about." I actually had pneumonia, and was suffering severe sickness. I could barely breath and they didn't care, some parents they are...But when one of my brothers has the slightest thing wrong with them, they take him straight to the doctor...Life is absolutely miserable, nothing good about it. Death, pain, rejection, depression, and many more reasons why there is nothing good about life. I hate life, and would do anything to be normal, and loved, and not have so many problems...I just wish, that I weren't alive...Nobody would notice me if I weren't here. They would be better off without me...Well, I appreciate you talking to me...You've been very kind...

Sincerely,
Tori...

[Lord of mad men]

We still if you need or want to talk I am here and no need to talk me I am just being me. Well its is funny bc I hate people but every one says I am kind or nice.I like people who understand life though. You have seen life's true face and I respect you for that.

[Tori Jones]

Thank you, I also respect you. You're a very understaning person, and have overcome many obstacles to get to where you are. And if I ever need someone to talk to, I'll be sure to leave you a message...

[TheAimlessWanderer]

read these poems of mine it might help you ,responsibility to the past, pieces of yearning. this was a very well expressed piece i like the flow and rhyme scheme it is okay to be flawed life is perceived in many different ways there is no one definitive answer to what is right and what is wrong we as a society make a choice to define such things and the feelings attach to them a condition response nothing special. pain is a teacher if you choose it to be. look how much emotion you can express through your poetry life is not fair and will beat us down regardless if we acknowledge it or not realize your own strength and become stronger through the trials and s**t life dealt you even if it seems impossible keep pushing towards having hope even if barely glimmer remains live your life for you Tori

[Tori Jones]

I will definiely read those poems, thank you...I have to eat supper now, bye!

[Inject Positivity]

We are all too human Tori, and this is absolutely human to feel this way but you know we are not perfect, there is no one perfect in this world other the creator of this universe... We make mistakes, we have our faults but that only makes us very human, I know the meaning you are trying to convey through the poem, and I understand it my frnd, but remember you don't have to be perfect, just keep on doing your best and the one who is your creator will understand...

Sincerely
Dhiman

[Tori Jones]

Thank you for the kind review Dhiman, you have been very nice...

[Karmee]

such a truthful write, nicely expressed

[Tori Jones]

Thank you for your review...I wrote this while I was on vacation...