The River, the Clouds, and Us.... (longing)

Free Verse

Author's Note

Picture: compliments of Wikimedia Commons.

Something set me into a wispy, dreamlike, drifting-off mood.

Please, feel free to offer critique, or anything you feel will help improve this piece! : )

Reviews

[Lyn Anderson]

I love the cloudy images -- that stanza in particular is striking. The feeling of falling in love with a moody person, and the speaker is the calm anchor ...

one minor thing, I am sure it is just a typo or pesky auto-correct, but its journey does not require an apostrophe, unless there is something in that sentence I am missing.

[Richard🖌]

That you've again blessed one of my pieces, KL … how very happy this makes me feel!
Then, that you love anything about this piece and find it striking, is reward beyond any I could have expected.
I like the wording of your interpretation, too … "speaker", "calm anchor".

About the recent "rogue apostrophe" typos: It is like when one uses loose for lose, their for they're, sell for sale … you know we know better, but get into too big a hurry, concentrating on what we're into, to catch all the wee details, even when we go back through trying to, but not to worry, someone with a keen eye who cares will come along and lend a helping hand, like you always do thank you sincerely, KL! : )

You've left a nice, helpful, and gracious review … warmly appreciated! ⁓ Richard

[Jacob Clifford]

"Wispy dreamlike, drifting-off" very accurately describes this piece. The first stanza sets the tone and eases into the meat of the poem. Throughout the reading, I formed my own picture in my head of the scenes. The final stanza instilled in me both a feeling of comfort and melancholy, with the "rise up into your arms" having me conjure feelings of holding a loved one--very well done.

I could compare the emotions I had while reading this to be comparable to sitting on a raft in the summer; I found myself drifting in the words and letting them gently pull me along, being transfixed the whole time. It was like I wasn't reading the poem but was a part of it. "The River, the Clouds, and Us was obviously a great title.

I've never been particularly fond of love poems, but this was very well written, so I can look past my bias.

[Richard🖌]

My sincere and grateful thanks, Clifford! : )
Ya know?
It is a seemingly endless source of fascination to receive each reader's interpretation, feedback, and expressed grasp on one of my more abstract and metaphorical pieces … often, they more amazingly entertaining and meaningful than the poem, itself … as I find yours to be.
Actually, I can conceive of no more gratifying result or higher compliment than that which you've gifted me in payment for my own resolute labors.

"A Happy July 4th Celebration Day to You, My Very Keen, Insightful Friend!" ⁓ Richard

[William Liston]

I like this poem; it was, as your author's note would suggest "wispy" and "dreamlike." It was like I felt myself become more and more weary with each word, just relaxing letting the poem take its course. I like it when a poem creates that effect. Your fine choice in the visual presentation really helped to enhance the poem's mood too.

If I may critique, I felt like the "I listened" in the first line of the second stanza was unnecessary because you had already stated that you were "listening" in the first stanza. I would've written the first line as follows: ...imagining. I don't think that would be grammatically correct, but I think it would create the effect a lot better.

Other than that, there's nothing else I can say. Nice job.

-William Liston

[Richard🖌]

Splendid review, William, as you are apt to gift … deep and articulate enough to be able to! : )
You have a uniquely You manner of relating to other's poetry that gratifies an author's efforts perfectly (for me, anyway), and I am humbly grateful you can.
Your critique is precisely what poets need to improve on their efforts, and your critique admonishes me not to become so lost in the moment I lose consciousness of my skills … this is the bane of most any writer's product.
Please, William, note the result of your inspirational comment, offering whatever feedback you feel is earned.

Bless you your generous heart and helpful soul, My Friend, and thank you profusely! ⁓ Richard

[William Liston]

I liked the way you reworded it. I like how you used the purpose of my suggestion without actually using my suggestion itself; it still works just as well if not better :)

[Richard🖌]

You suggested "imagining", but it was already in the second verse, so we'd have been back where we started listening/listening, eh(?); so, I put into motion the impetus of poetic thought you inspired — to be a bit more poetively creative and correct.
Thanks again, William … you're a good and helpful friend! ⁓ Richard

[Coyote Poetry]

Amazing use of words and thoughts Richard.
"then, there's me … I'm like the river,
soaking you in, feeding on you,
determined to face any challenge
to get back to the sea...."
I liked and I understood the above lines. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[Richard🖌]

Nice passage you've singled-out, John … one of my favorites in this piece, too
How happy and gratified it makes me feel to know you like and enjoy my little efforts.

A million blessings, My Friend! ⁓ Richard

[Coyote Poetry]

You did very well and you are welcome.

[GalaxyGhost]

I did find this poem quite peaceful and wonderful! Although I had a hard time reading the words because it is light, but I guess it adds to the dreamlike state to the poem because the wispy smoke is also silver.

[Richard🖌]

Hi, GG!

I darkened the font a bit for you … hope it helps.
You are right, the grey was meant to soften the feel.

Thank you ever-so warmly for reading and enjoying this little piece to tender moments of loneliness … hugs to you! ⁓ Richard

[GalaxyGhost]

You are so welcome! I honestly love your style of writing as you are one of my favorite writers here! mega hugs back!

[Richard🖌]

"BLUSH!"⁓*

[Angelheart1]

This is a Masterfully penned piece of work Sir.

The tender, sad, yet beautiful words that you have shared takes the reader by the hand and leads them to sit next to you by the River allowing us to soak in the anguish you were feeling at the time of this writing. It tells of the reality in life that many of us can relate to.

A brilliant piece of Poetry - both in writing & presentation.

Wishing the best of days to you Sir. 🌺 Angel🙏

[Richard🖌]

Thank you, Angel Dear,
It was so nice having you there bedside me, keeping us warmed by river's edge … hope you did not too much mind sharing the rain.

Best to you, too, Lovely Lady-Poet … most gracious smiles 'n hugs! ⁓ Richard

[Angelheart1]

I did not mind the rain at all for I was wrapped in the warmth of your luscious words Sir. I truly enjoy reading the words you share for they take me to places only imagined before. Returning big smiles and warm hugs back to you Sir. Angel 😇

[Richard🖌]

"Sighhh!"⁓*

[Angelheart1]

Even your "sighhh" is beautifully shared and presented! 😇