Write this in the Sand

In 5.4 billion years the sun will exhaust its hydrogen.

This will be earths curtain call.

Even before the sun becomes a red giant, the earth will be hotter than Venus.

That is, if we make it that long.

After all we're a walking talking, mass extinction event.

This is what I think about while I'm breaking her heart.

While I'm listening to her tell me how she'd rather argue with me than agree with anyone else.

While I'm finding the words to tell her how I've already made my decision.

Finding the words to tell her I've found nothing, but plentiful pain, and pitiful pleasure in trying to own her.

She's asking me what happened to forever.

And I'm telling her that just like Prozac. Forever has a half-life.

I can tell from the look in her eyes, that she's never going to accept my resignation.

So I lock myself in the bathroom.

Loving someone means protecting them. Even if that means from yourself.

So I down a bottle of Drano. Chase it with a couple shots of furniture polish. And for dessert?

You guessed it, Lemon Clorox.

All compliments of my bathroom sink bar-cart.

By the time she's convinced the neighbor to kick the door down.

The life is already leaving my eyes.

"So much for forever". She says.

"Forever's a long time."

Author's Note

Ignore Grammar.

Reviews

[Rene Salinas]

The concepts on your writings Riley are so strong at he risk of becoming overwhelming in that anything else gets obliterated by the structure itself. Though a narrative of sorts you don't seem to need developments of characters, you don't seem to rely on overpunctuation to denote a lyrical sonata. In fact in not many lines a dimension has just gone through at the speed of thought. From th factual statement of the longevity of our planet to the fragility of human relationships and the devastating effect that they could have upon our mental sanity. In the world of emotion that is like a googleplex of intensities yet amongst all the underlaying heavyness there also seems to be a fresh does of humour which makes me smile nervously as if I'm not sure I should be smiling at all.

As I have read a few of your wrtings I'm just getting warmed up here hoping for the next one to come I will smile sooner.

Thankyou

[RileyRedding]

That just might be the sweetest thing anyone on here has ever said to me.

[Rene Salinas]

Oh my! Stickly sweet? That would be the first time someone says that to me... The irony would not be a coincidence?

[Daniel Towers]

I'm a mystic in heart and mind and believe in a parallel internal/external reality where the life and death of an individual may coincide with the the life and death of a civilization, planet, star or even an entire universe. You seem to be tapping into the secrets of space and time. Bravo. And thank you.

[Jamie]

I agree with Rene! Loved it!

[h d e rushin]

in his revolt against the gods of the Olympic, Zeus punished Atlas to forever bear the heavens
upon his shoulders. I'm just comforted by the beatific of the eventual dilapidation of these
mortal bodies, but with consideration that Lemon Clorox must taste just awful/. Forever
should be that which defeats and then surpasses overwhelming.

in my temporary balance-out of balance world, I love what this poem might suggest. well done.


dana

[RileyRedding]

What a fascinating parallel. Depth as vast and serious as the sea. Now why haven't you posted to my group?

[Haley Wilson]

Damn. This is both gut-wrenching and heavy. It scared me a little bit, but I did enjoy it overall.

[aranciata]

This was a beautiful piece of writing, it seems so matter-of-fact yet there is also so much feelings behind those lines. The facts in the beginning were almost random at first, but it just started to fit in more and more as I read on, and it flowed really nicely. Didn't matter if you were writing about hydrogen, Venus, Prozac or forever. There's depth behind it all, and not one line is excessive. Your main character is so cleverly described and characterized, we see the cold, uncaring side on the outside, but also the reasoning and the hurt on the inside.

Brilliantly done, I will definitely be reading more of your works!
-Athena

[icomeanon_13]

As I become more familiar with your work, I am learning to enjoy the story as much as the structure. You tend towards dark themes, but I must say it doesn't make me regret reading your work in the least- some of the most cathartic pieces of literature are grounded in suffering and broken relationships. Without commenting on grammar errors, I found nothing that I would suggest revision on.

Nice job.

[Jayne Disdaine]

Im haunted. I feel so cold and sad. That poem was beautiful and devastating.
Im at a bit of a loss for words.

[FirasJanabi]

Hey Riley,

First up, really enjoyed that. 'This is what I think about while I'm breaking her heart.' awesome segway into the meat of the story. It did lose me a little when he locked himself in the bathroom however. If, while he's breaking her heart, he's thinking about our solar system and mathematical predictions then does he love her enough to kill himself because she won't accept the end of their relationship? Which, if she can't accept that, how can she accept his death? Maybe I missed something.

Awesome writing style though. " I'm finding the words to tell her how I've already made my decision." Hit close to home.

[Lizzie Mitchell]

forever's not as long as it used to be

[Lauren]

I've got nothing constructive to say as this has me speechless. It's so beautifully haunting. Added it to my favorites. You are so talented!

[Laura Lynn]

This is chilling, really chilling, I don't think there is a better way to spend Sunday, what is there in life but all of this, where are we headed in all this mess?

[RileyRedding]

Thank you so much!

[♔ CrownedDevil &#..]

A very powerful image, and message. But some people just weren't meant to be, it doesn't mean they should make excuses to leave their life behind and cross over to the other world. I think instead of making the excuses tell the person how you really feel and maybe talk about it. And then leave the situation at that. Then just worry about the future. I really liked reading this piece.

Kaze~