HOME TORTURE

HOME TORTURE

 

 

Her enchanting eyes,

Her melody voice;

Her hair's movement in the air-

And dear full swing of hand-

To make a new sketch in the wind;

 

Her play, for catching the butterflies

Her tone in the sorrow voice;

Quiver tweets in happiness

 Always new verse and call

How are you happy in all?

 

But that all was before us

She wouldn't want to go home, only rush

She was tortured by own

They want her to stay home tide

And don’t be stronger for get your right.

Reviews

[just Penny]

You have a good theme here that many I think could understand. The previous comment has the lines that need work, so all I will say is well done on another wonderful idea for a poem :) Penny

[William Wapi]

I like the poem, although there are a few grammatical corrections I'd like you to take not of:

Line 3: Her hairs movement in the air / Should be: Her hair movement in the air or Her hair's movement in the air.

Line 5: To make new sketch in the wind / Should be: To make new sketches in the wind or To make a new sketch in the wind.

Line 10, 12, 15, as well.

Other than that, it is alright.

[Saddam]

thank you so much dear friend. I am going to make new own.