The Sound of Breaking Ice

The icy thoughts from my mind, 

Depression mixed with vengeance, 

Aggressive stance in the middle of the lake,

 Each weight balanced perfectly, 

On this thin ice trap,

 The snow like slaves lay fallen at my feet, 

The crows in trees watching, 

With frozen wind gusts, 

I squeeze the frost of my fingers,

 A risky gamble for revenge,

 

Let the enemies get close,

 Because foolish them,

 I like the sound of cracking ice, 

I'm no coward to a sinking ship, 

I would drown in my own waters, 

What a pity I'm like a suicide bomber, 

I like the sound of breaking ice,

 I like the cries of falling through,

 My last sight will be them,  

Trapped under the ice silently screaming, 

There is no mercy in my heart.

Author's Note

Well. Idk what to say about this. Its definitely a darker poem of mine... I think...

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

and there is certainly revenge...as one commits frozen suicide while others helpless watch...
now I have your attention..says the speaker...
j.

[LazerRays]

Ah, more along of like a suicide bomber's thoughts.... I go down and bring them with me ;) hahaha. Thank you for reading and appreciating here, Jacob!

[barleygirl]

This is one of the best ones of yours that I've read so far. I was picturing the real-live outdoor scene of this narrator on some icy pond, ready to shoot at some crows, etc. And at the same time, every detail is perfectly suited to describe how it would feel to be standing on the icy pond of "depression mixed with vengeance" (I love that combination). One of the strongest extended metaphors becuz multiple interpretations are all strongly expressed (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[LazerRays]

Hahahaha I'd never shoot a crow. I used crows in here as my allies and support :) I'm glad you appreciate and love this poem BG! That makes smile :D thanks for your kind review!!!! Hugs back!

[Einstein Noodle]

first off...i love your new avatar ...and these lines for me are incredible:
"The snow like slaves lay fallen at my feet,
The crows in trees just watching, "
a unique stance your courageous protagonist ...come and get me you filthy hoards ... we'll go down together ... gritty ... but foolish ;) perhaps a sky boat could swoop down and save her at the last minute :)
E.

[LazerRays]

I think there's a certain point in our lives where we don't even care about our own safety anymore... Like a suicide bomber, the protagonist wants to go out with a bang. Why not bring her enemies with her? So it is a mocking "Come get me... Hahahaha I'll go down too" totally a shocker for any enemy. That makes a more dangerous avenger, being irrational. Thanks for your review! I'm glad you enjoyed :D

[Relic]

Yes, it is certainly dark isn't it? You're a little scary in this too. Remind me not to be near you on the ice. :)))

[LazerRays]

Ah thank you :P life goal XD
Ah I said enemies only so you don't have to worry. Thanks for reviewing! That means a lot when people take the time to read my works.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Def darker. No mercy? It seems to me like you're too hard on yourself than on others. This one's vivid and I really like the title line and how you incorporated it in the poem.

[LazerRays]

Ah I take no pity for my enemies.... And i guess that's what happens when we mix depression and hate. It's not even a caring about our safety anymore which makes people like me more dangerous... We'll go down with the ship...
Thanks for stopping by

[emmajoy]

Seems the pain inside you has turned to hatred, maybe, vengeance, certainly. And you're prepared to step on that cracking, fragile, dangerous ice to wreak havoc?! It's a tragic poem, but also self flagellation, you're hurting self in the process of..

' The snow like slaves lay fallen at my feet, - The crows in trees just watching, - With frozen wind gusts, - I squeeze the frost... '

Perhaps, perhaps, you could gently, carefully slide/walk away and realise the point of danger you've reached. Go find Peace. Go climb the sky and watch the clouds pass by... maybe.

[LazerRays]

Ah. I think all pain, like wine, if kept bottled up brews into a sour bitter taste of the mouth. Certainly im intoxicated with this hate. But i think if you mix depression and hate you get me. A suicidal revenge seeker. Ready to go down with the ship as long as i bring others down with me.

[emmajoy]

Happy New Year!

[Jef]

Wow! I see a person that is been purposefully hurt by some one else. This hurt does not face the person. It does have a dark tone to it, but we all have this. Some of us chose to keep it in check.

[LazerRays]

Thank you for reviewing! This is one of my harderto read poems... Too chunky and when I try to read it, it just goes blurry. Thanks for stopping by!!!

[H L Rose]

Dang, this has a cold punch.

“I like the sound of cracking ice” is definitely my favorite line maybe that you've ever written. Actually maybe that I've ever read. Seriously, it is placed so well.

“The snow like slaves” is an interesting line(I like the alliteration in it) I can't quite figure out, but it sounds cool and has good imagery and does not need to be tampered with, so I am totally fine with not getting it(though I would love to be enlightened).

“The crows in the trees just watching” is so cool and totally adds to the tone.

The imagery throughout is dramatic and climactic and overall intriguing.

This is going in my favorites.

[LazerRays]

Well thanks! I'm really honored! I wrote this after a manic breakdown where I stormed Out of the house and ran off into the ld where we have this pond. And I (stupid me) was so pissed I played a stupid game and walked across the middle wanting to die and knowing it was thin ice. And I loved the sound of the ice cracking.... Obviously I didn't fall through because I'm still here but it made me think....

The snow like slaves? That would be like I enslaved the cold... I rule the cold... I am basically the queen of the cold. If even the snow bows to my feet....

And Ive always loved crows... Had to include those symbols of death :D

Thank you, thank you so much for your review!!! :D it means so much!!!

[H L Rose]

Of course!

That significance gives a lot of depth to this. It's cool how you can take an experience like that and can expand on it and harness the experience's emotion into the expanded idea. I'm so glad you are still here and can bless us with great pieces like this one.

I get the snow slave thing now. That's perfect!

[LazerRays]

Thank you again, :D we are all inspired or influenced by something..... :3

Glad you understand, idk about being perfect though. Nothing is really ever perfect. Perfection is boring really..... :P

[H L Rose]

T R U T H !

[¿]

Well as you say tis definitely a darker poem of yours comparing to other ones. ...I tried digging deep but huh...couldn't reach to the real pain since only you can feel how it pains your heart because, you're the one who's going through such hurdles :(
I really don't know why I love the title!! It's splendid and I coat no sugar....
May you find happy days ahead ;)

[LazerRays]

Oh if only you knew how people like you affect me :) thank you for stopping by, it certainly makes my heart warm up to see your name pop up haha! Hope all is well with you! Thanks for the review! :D

[¿]

😁😁😁...am honoured by that! All's well😃
And you’re warmly welcomed of course ;)

[LazerRays]

Hahahah you're funny :P

[¿]

And so am alive!😥

[LazerRays]

Hahaha you're alive too.... I think. You aren't dead are you? Check your pulse! Quick!!!!!! Do you have a heartbeat?!?!?!?! Ahhhhhhh!!!! Hahahahaha ;)

[¿]

Yess tis beating fortunately😅

[LazerRays]

Oh good! Wouldn't want you to die :P who would be here to review my works? XD you take care rapunzel. And don't let your hair down btw, the weight will tear your head off.... O.o