Fun Sean Facts

Fun Sean Facts

A Poem by SeanWegmann
"

I'll drop these on you from time to time. You're welcome. Ladies get your towels, things are about to get arousing. You have no right to expect an order.

"
Fun Sean Facts:

Fun Sean Fact #12,000,000: If I have to come back, it best be as something with shoulder-mounted turrets.  Reincarnation owes me.

Fun Sean Fact #34: As an intelligent American, I believe everything that the Internet tells me.  Always.  No matter what.  Tom and Katie made their love-child out of Scientology magic and Supreme Commander of the Korean People's Army, Kim Jong-il, is the greatest basketball player of all time.  Even better than Jesus.

Fun Sean Fact #52: My grandfather was one-half leprechaun.  That's why I have such deep shoe repair skills.

Fun Sean Fact #615: My Hardee's®-financed, psychic Internet powers tell me that you will suffer a grave loss mere minutes after reading this sentence.

Fun Sean Fact #579: The Cheerios mascot is named "Buzz".  I just found that out.  I guess I had always assumed that the corporate think-tank at General Mills would be a little bit more inventive than to name a cartoon bee mascot after the traditional onomatopoeic bee word.

Fun Sean Fact #21,212: I don't read spam e-mails unless the subject line includes the words "prosthesis" or "Latino" - in those cases, things get real raunchy, real fast

Fun Sean Fact #211: I like to minimize wind resistance while jogging by lathering up with cheap margarine.  Unfortunately, all the damn birds pecking at my face and arms make it difficult to keep my footing.

Fun Sean Fact #7: I frequently wonder about when Robert Goulet will inevitably turn on the good people at Diamond Foods, Inc. for their Emerald Nuts advertisements.  Surely, Goulet and the animal handlers who keep him from falling into a drunken, berserker rage were fully briefed on the nature of the commercials, but you can only tame a primal force of nature like Robert Goulet for so long.  Eventually, he will kill everyone and suck the marrow from their bones.

Fun Sean Fact #10: These facts used to be much funnier.  Ever since the Slavs moved in and bought everything out, this site's been going to hell in a handbasket.  And, I swear, it's got a smell now.

Fun Sean Fact #317: I hide the soiled sheets bearing the mark of my secret shame under the living room coffee table.  It's a terrible spot, I know, but I already use the attic, crawl space, and basement closets for my other secret shames.

© 2012 SeanWegmann


Author's Note

SeanWegmann
This is for laughs, don't have a cow, Just let me know what you think of it from a comedic standpoint. If you don't appreciate the humor try to be eloquent in stating why. If you don't get it, please do the same.

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LMFAO :) Every single fact...pure gold, sir. I will have to make a mental note to come back and check when other factoids are divulged. Do I think it is good from a comedic standpoint? Uhm, yes, very much so. Thank you for the tear producing laugh I just had :)

Posted 10 Years Ago



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Added on September 5, 2012
Last Updated on September 5, 2012
Tags: Fun, Sean, Facts, awesome, badass, humor, comedy, nonsense, ridiculous, raunchy, real, uncut, erotic, legs, ass, breast, Taylor Swift, Kanye West, Kim Kardashian, Martian Man Hunter, Superman, Batman

Author

SeanWegmann
SeanWegmann

Houston, TX



About
Human-ish. Nearly English-fluent. A*s-clown. Possibly a Middle Eastern terrorist. Probably not a child molester. All phrases commonly assigned to prolific author Sean Wegmann. But yo.. more..

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