Mutual Surrender

hmmmm

I lust after the geometry of your being,

poised on top of me to explore,

like a birthday present waiting to be

u n w r a p p e d...

I pull you closer to me,

closer than the spaces of our kisses,

defying distance dividing the contours of our flesh

until we become

consumed with the fire void of chaste intentions,

slaves to the urgency of the moment

...and y-yesss

let's pour out our words of love into this feverish motion,

unrestricted by rhythm,

unbounded by time--

until we lose ourselves

and find ourselves

in each other

collapsed. . . . . . .in mutual surrender

Author's Note

Okay, it's been quite a long time since I last wrote a poem. Unlike before when I could write nonstop, this one took ages. Any comments would be welcome. :)

Reviews

[DrD]

It may have taken ages, but it will also be remembered for ages. I love your passion and eloquence of expression. There are times when words convey more than meaning and this is one. I was enraptured by the urgency of this writing and enjoyed it tremendously. Extremely well done.

[Ally Monique]

This is lovely! I love the ending of the poem, and how you chose to have the last two words reappear in the title! Your vocabulary and imagery is wonderful, I was picturing two lovers breathing surrender the whole entire time I was reading it.
great read, thank you for sharing!!

[Blue]

That's such a nice picture you're thinking. ;) Thank you, Ally!

[Nusquam Esse]

I particularly enjoyed the second and final stanza on this one; which flows nicely and uses some creative imagery. I would probably personally omit 'birthday', since present seems to suffice; but this is just a personal opinion. Only real error I am noticing is your use of chastise, which is a verb. You seem to be using it as an adjective, so you should actually use chastised... but I don't think this is the word you are meaning to use in the first place (since it means punished), I am assuming you actually meant chaste.

[Blue]

Right you are! I got confused with "chaste" and "chastised". :) Thanks, Nusquam!

[Nusquam Esse]

No probs, it is an easy mistake they look almost identical... :P

[Scott Metro]

This is excellent surrender to love.
Passion and romance.
Well done.
Scott

[Blue]

Thank you so much, Scott!

[Scott Metro]

:)
Scott........

[WILDERNESS]

Oh, Collapsed is how it should be ........................... you are explosive in this one..............and getting better at it..... ;)

[Blue]

Thank you, Wilderness!

[Saddam]

I pull you closer to me,
closer than the spaces of our kisses,
defying distance dividing the contours of our flesh

Very good poetry. Nice poem. Lovely art you have created love.

[Blue]

Thank you, Ssadd!

[Rossen]

I think I should have got to know you better before I read this secret journal love poem.
Well put together and powerful fifth or sixth date sweet note that would send any man
reeling inwards heart strings..truly intoxicating Arzel Joy. 100/100

Rossen

[Blue]

Wow. Your review left me breathless, Rossen. It's unfortunate that you got a "naughty" first impression of me. :) I'll try to redeem myself. Haha. Thank you for reading and reviewing!

[Inda]

Love this, its very raw and yet sophisticated, love your choice of words and the only thing that threw me off a bit is the structure, i would organize it differently.
---------
---------
---------
^like that all the way, just one long paragraph, but that's me.

[Blue]

Oh. I'm not really into structure and it's often the most overlooked in my poetry. Thank you, Inda!

[ron]

This is beautiful l and sensual. Mutual Surrender can make each other lost in the moment.

[Blue]

Thanks, Ron! Wrong timing, I just messaged you. :)

[ron]

That's ok. Your welcome.