sun kissed visions

While breathing 
bits of sentences 
in and out and all 
night long...

  You killed my slumber dead you 
  slapped me 
  with your sweet 
   haiku.

     from clouds of color
     sun kissed visions fell through sky
     to be swallowed hot


                   

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© jnw

Reviews

[Tinasha LaRayé]

oh, you have a way with words! This was refreshing to read! Not very common in style, but it works so nicely! So 5 stars for being effectively different! :o)

The first two stanzas truly slapped me in the face with their strength - you were very direct but to the emotion. The last stanza sort of lost me because it was so different from what you were setting me up for. It lost a bit of it's power in being ambiguous and flowery in style in comparison with the first 2. It is still a nice ending, however, I was awaiting a true punch, maybe something that reveals the "why" or the "how this came about" of the piece.

Overall, this was amazing. It bounces with vibrancy and as I said before, is refreshing to read. Please - more more more! ;o)

[Dillon Cotter]

Great Poem Jesse. Very different but in a positve way. This makes a writer stick out.

Will

[Siddhartha]

laconic and evocative...two thumbs up...

[Gheeneil]

I like the images you weaved on first and second stanza. Superb! The third, I think, didn't have much of an impact, though. I'm a sucker of a beautiful ending packed with deep images. Nonetheless, it was an interesting write. Keep writing.

[RJM]

captivating i liked this very much

[fargone]

i like this a lot, jesse. very sharp and grabs the reader straight away. there are some great lines. i like the idea of breathing bits of sentences. great write. thank u, my new friend.

[Stammers]

I loved this, really good - its only weak line, just personally, was your title line - sun kissed visions. I just couldn't get enough out of it. I think things like that are posted a lot on this site, so maybe its lost its impact for me.

I loved 'to be swallowed hot'. Also, your first stanza was perfection, drew me in.

[Stef Outsiders]

Wow, simply stunning... welcome to WC! thumbs up!!

[emmajoy]

I feel as if you've found a place where words happily keep you from sleeping, you're vitalised by even the briefest of poems, haikus - they feed you .. if that's the case .. welcome to the table.