sun kissed visions

While breathing 
bits of sentences 
in and out and all 
night long...

  You killed my slumber dead you 
  slapped me 
  with your sweet 
   haiku.

     from clouds of color
     sun kissed visions fell through sky
     to be swallowed hot


                   

----------
© jnw

Reviews

[.]

those muses always wake you up!! Simply stunning..

[Mauricio Montoya]

different, not bad, nice work.

[Siddartha Beth Pierce]

Whew, I love the depth and use of a few words to convey deep meaning in this work. Kudos!
Light,
Siddartha

[Eagle Cruagh]

Clever use of the language.

Nice.

----- Eagle Cruagh

[Sharleen Boaden]

I actually started to hyperventilate when reading your first stanza..."bits of sentences in and out" .... such a raw, deep poem, amazing write!

[Helen Woodward]

Most of us have felt this at some time and it is both wonderful and excruciating, to write like this you need to have known loss...

[Lily Mae]

I love this.. a very enjoyable read:) xx

[imawriter]

Who cares what formula you used or what type of poetry is..... it's wonderful!

I especially love the opening line====
While breathing
bits of sentences
in and out and all
night long

The spacing on the second bit was confusing at first though, you may need
to change your font size.

[Linear]

Not sure what to say about this poem, so I'll tell you the truth of how it makes me feel..........Ok I see within the lines not one but two poems of different but equal worth, one is sensual or sexual the other haiku type, though im no expert.....The first reads like this

In and out all night long
You slapped me with your sweet haiku
Sun kissed visions to be swallowed hot.


The second like this

While breathing bits of sentences
You killed my slumber dead
From clouds of colour
sun kissed visions fell through sky.


If this was meant then it's quite brilliant
If it wasn't meant, then it's still quite brilliant :O)

[C. Rose]

A very compelling vision you provide here "while breathing bits of sentences in and out...", I must of lingered here, for how long I do not know. ~ Rose