Feels Like Forever...

Woke up this morning, feels like forever since the mourning of your name...

In shame I hid tethered to fame, a blind grain of sand against a slimy flame

I'm gaining momentum like rain, a zany feelin' bein' clean

weaning myself off the draining lifestyle, my grind paid in dreams

My time stood-still, feels like December when your clever weather was stormy

I grew gills and stormed on... 

A starship trooper in September, I ran around in embers

no space vacuum in dust, I grin and shoulder on

In my holster a wand, it sings songs about wrongs

atrocities gonged through the city, a bong hit of infinity

I stare behind me and see her one last time in the rust of spaces left between us

I know she will not see this, I'm just a bleeding creature...

So whisper feels like forever

...Leave it

Reviews

[Robert Trakofler]

okay I wrote a song about twenty five years ago and reading this made me remember it its a bit sketchy in my sketchy bunny mind but.....
Woke up this morning,
got out of bed
evenings pleasure
drove in my head
don't know what I'm doing
maybe Ill find a job...
oh i can see now
I'll just pack my things and go
(refrain thing)
Life would be better
these things I'm sure I'll know
the Lowcale solution

okay you can go back to your regularly scheduled program :)

I say this partly of the intention of the write and partly because this reads like a song and like my song it sounds like a very happy tune but it is full of unhappy things in a sort of sardonic looney tunes melody
like my locale solution isn't one in dieting (change your lifestyle not your caloric intake!) and (change how you live not where you live and moving) to cure your ills neither is your write of blight and you scream it as such with a sublime beauty in that wonderful voice of yours. Oh yeah I love that you use mourning like me you are one sexy writer silent:) the the the the thats all the bunny has to say:)

[Chase Dylan]

A nice ditty, my friend...
Thanks for it, aha
Morning
Mourning
...Who could resist...
Not our sexy-voiced selves
I am merely happy to be a vessel of which to ship the feelz...
All that follows is a pleasure to see

[Kesha]

Wow... this was like that first breath of cold air when walking outside in December, what a wonderful piece, I really liked it. The last lines really wrapped it up nicely too!
"So whisper feels like forever
...Leave it"

I really liked that!

[Chase Dylan]

Thanks, Ahsek! I was quite enthused over this one, had a natural feel I enjoyed...

[Kesha]

You are very welcome! Yeah I quite liked it

[andrew mitchell]

nicely written, and entertaining. some memories sweet become haunting over time.

[Chase Dylan]

Thank you, Andrew, they do very much sour over time, sometimes...

[Namrata Nandagopal]

Wow👍
You are such a talented poet... It is really hard to make someone feel emotional and seep into works... But you make it seem so easy!
Awesome. That's the sign of a great writer👏🏻

[Chase Dylan]

Thanks, Nam-Nan, that means so much to hear! Nothing is easy, so I am humbled to make it seem the opposite...

[Namrata Nandagopal]

Hey, you are really good at what you do, and you see, humility is a virtue possessed by those who believe that everyone, ranging from a three year old to an old person are as good as oneself. That's something I respect. Most people don't take tweens seriously, so it's very rare for someone to say that to me. Thanks, and good luck 👍🏻

[KWP]

Firstly, I am likeing the format and structure of this piece. It allows me at least an attempt at sliding in right next to you and ride gunshot for a while ... this format also allows the breath, and seeings that pranayama is indeed the force of life itself, I am grateful for the breath.

There are a few banger lines that really stick out

a bong hit to infinity (well, yes, memories, especially if one has a soda bulb straight after - this line bought back fun memories)

the rust of space left between us - I like that - I saw it - good showing description

yes, it's where you show things instead of tell (which I always do in poetry - such a bad habit) is when I get sucked in further because you have caused me to actually visualise it ...

nice one my friend X

[Chase Dylan]

I.. Am quite overwhelmed by the insight in this, I did not know what "pranayama" was, haha... Nor had I thought of "showing" things with words, rather than just describe or sound out, or flow... Thank you so much, friend, for the wonderful thoughts you have left me to ponder... I will keep my co-pilot in mind when I write...

[Ruth]

Some dates are nothing more than memories and how those memories shape us in their names...this is beautifully woven with emotion that reaches the reader's heart :)

[Chase Dylan]

Ahh, thank you so much, PRS... I am so very pleased with your expression of beautiful intent...

[Asmae]

this poem is full of emotions, i like your honesty..

[Chase Dylan]

Asmae, I always attempt transparency, heh... Thanks, and glad you enjoyed the bloom of emotion...

[duff]

Lots of emotion in this. A soul struggling with loss. Sadness and isolation. The calendar a reminder to mourn. Lots of layers.

"atrocities gonged through the city, a bong hit of infinity"

Superb work:)

[Chase Dylan]

I try, my friend, I try... Hah, thank you, and I guess that seems to be the popular line... I suppose people like bongs and infinity... Thanks for the glowing words! Always layers...

[duff]

Haha, I suppose so man! That's Denver for ya, lol. Which is something I've been wanting to ask you about seen as how we're both from there.

[Chase Dylan]

Aye, been here for about 6 years now, it sure has gotten busy.. Haha... Are you...? Oh jeez... I totally... I totally noticed that... Yeah...

[Chase Dylan]

*Hopes no one notices my lack of glaring oversight*, well that is dope, man!

[duff]

Haha, you're good man. I'm in North Carolina for the moment but will be back there soon. I'm from there but I'm visiting family. It has gotten crazy there. It's changed a lot.

[Chase Dylan]

Very kool, yeh it has gotten pretty crazy around here... We need to smoke some of that green and write tapestry's of flow, lol

[duff]

I'm so down, lol

[Chase Dylan]

Dope, my friend, I am always down for that... Haha... Safe travels while visiting family, hit me up sometime when you are back, I am usually free

[duff]

That sounds like a plan to me! Chill mode, lol.

[Chase Dylan]

Hell yeah, do you have a facebook or something...?

[duff]

I actually don't have any social media other than this, haha. I get flak for that all the time

[Chase Dylan]

No worries, I am barely on Facebook, myself... I am around the 16th street mall area, as long as you are not a scary serial killer-rapist type of guy, we should get along swimmingly, lmao

[duff]

Right on man and no I'm not, haha. I used to live on Downing St near the DU area. I used to work at a dispensary over there.

[Chase Dylan]

LOL, I lived on downing and thirteenth for a few years when I got to Denver... Small world... That is dope, man, can't wait to spark up and write some good flows... You got that Aesop rock channeling going... Haha

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Probably the first romantic poem I've read of you, Silente. It sounds quite lyrical with a smooth flow.
December has always been the worst time of the year for me...
The last lines do feel like a whisper..
Nicely penned. 😊

[Chase Dylan]

I am quite the avid romantic writer, just usually keep it pretty veiled in metaphors. Thanks, YK, and December is never a fun time for me, either...

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Ahh well then I would be digging more into your works 😊
You're welcome, Silente 😊