You Ruined My Normal

FIRST CHAPTER IS FINALLY UP! I hope you like it!😀

It started out as a normal Saturday.
Wake up, wake up Scarlett, use the bathroom, Scarlett uses the bathroom, and you know what I mean.
It was a little before lunch. Scarlett and I were watching a television show and mom and dad were doing taxes in the kitchen.
Then the doorbell rang.
A clear, sharp ring that cut through the silence like a knife.
We all shared confused looks. We didn't invite anyone over, we didn't order anything online, and the pizza delivery should be ten more minutes.
I open the door to come face to face with a tall man. He looked like someone from the 1900s. He wore a black suit with a matching tie. His shoes were shined to perfection and his hair was neatly combed.
I couldn't see his eyes with the dark sunglasses he had on and his face was void of any emotion.
So being me, I said the first thought that came to mind, "Do you have our pizza?"
I could practically see Scarlett rolling her eyes and calling me an idiot.
Dad came over, but when he saw the man, he froze. As if someone had shocked him.
The strange man held out his hand and said, "Nice to meet again Robert. Though I wish it were in a better situation."
Dad came out of his frozen state and shook the man's hand,"Likewise. Would you like to talk in the kitchen?".
"Of course.", said the man.
Now I was really confused. They seemed to know each other. When dad got into the kitchen, he turned around to face Scarlett and I, "To your bedrooms, now".
His tone was stiff, but I knew that tone. It was the listen-to-me-or-else tone.
Scarlett and I went to our shared bedroom, closing the door behind us. We can hear the adults talking: greeting each other and offering the man something to drink.
Then we heard hushed whispers, but behind closed doors it was hard to hear anything.
"What do you think they're talkin bout?".
I realized Scarlett had asked me something.
Coming out of la la land, I replied,"I don't know, but I have a sneaking suspicion it's about us".
Scarlett didn't argue since when I had a suspicion, it was usually correct. Like when the math teacher gave us a surprised pop quiz. I had told Scarlett beforehand and we were the only ones not surprised when the test was passed out
We both tried to entertain ourselves in our bedroom waiting for the grown ups to hurry up and finish.
A few minutes later, dad came to our bedroom.
His face was grim and his skin was paler than usual.
"Out" was the only thing he said.
We went into the living room, confusion written on our face.
Mom and the mysterious man were sitting on the couch that faced the TV. Though it was turned off. Three cups of coffee sat on the coffee table, and they were all untouched.
Mom cleared her throat and said," Scarlett and Audrey meet Edward Jones. You will be staying with him for an..... undecided period of time."
Scarlett, being far bolder than me, said," What do you mean by undecided period of time. And why do we need to stay with him."
Rude, yes, but that's the way Scarlett works.
Edward, not even offended, replied with," It's for your own good and safety"
Scarlett and I were obviously very confused now. Our own safety? Were we in danger? I didn't ask this though. I was too surprised.
"You must go now, the longer you stay the more dangerous it is." Said dad, cutting the awkward silence.
I don't know how, but Scarlett and I were pushed out of the house, into a black SUV, the strange man in front of the driver's wheel, and pulling out of the driveway.
"Wait! What about our stuff?" said Scarlett.
Edward didn't reply, but instead turned on the AC.
Question after question swam inside my head.
This wasn't normal.
Then..........darkness.

Reviews

[SkyVy]

LOVE YOUUUUUUU

[CK_85]

Spare grammatical structure mistakes and some overuse of ellipsis, that wasn't bad. I'm actually very annoyed that this is all that's posted in the moment, because I'm VERY curious as to what happens next. The formatting is...interesting. I understand that dialogue, and the introduction of another character speaking such, should follow suit with another paragraph. However, even some of the actions were separated when they grammatically shouldn't be. It would stand to reason that your formatting was done for a particular style, and I would like to know what that is. In terms of the actual content, it felt a bit rushed at some parts and done at good pace at others. For an example:

"We all shared confused looks. We didn't invite anyone over, we didn't order anything online, and the pizza delivery should be ten more minutes.
I open the door to come face to face with a tall man. He looked like someone from the 1900s. He wore a black suit with a matching tie. His shoes were shined to perfection and his hair was neatly combed.
I couldn't see his eyes with the dark sunglasses he had on and his face was void of any emotion."

That was a very good pace! I really liked the description as well. Now for something that I felt moved too fast:

"So being me, I said the first thought that came to mind, "Do you have our pizza?"
I could practically see Scarlett rolling her eyes and calling me an idiot.
Dad came over, but when he saw the man, he froze. As if someone had shocked him."

In the one that I thought moved at a fantastic pace, the doorbell rang and you answered it within 85 words. However, with the latter quote, you asked him a question, noted the reaction to that question by a then passive character, and had the father come over and react to his presence in 47 words. I think that's a posteriori, though feel free to ask for clarification if I'm wrong. Overall, however, it was good. I'm VERY excited for the next part.

[Brooklyn]

Thank you soooooo much for the advice. I'm glad you liked it. This is my first time and I'm trying with what I know, but thank you still!!!

[CK_85]

You'll improve. I've been writing creatively for 8 years and I have trouble with pace. Whether it be impatience or having unwritten actions in my head that never make it down on paper, it's not an easy thing.

[SkyVy]

I'm so proud of you and the author you become,I can't be more proud of a friend than right now..CONTINUE TO WORK HARD AND I KNOW YOU CAN REACH IT