2.Diya Vikraman

Diya dragged her luggage and lured herself into the campus which was shining with bright lights in contrast to the late evening skies. She was welcomed by chirping of birds which were darting back to its nests. As she walked past the main building she found a sign board where she stopped to check her way to the hostel. As the sign board indicated she turned left from the main block, walked past the cafeteria and library and finally reached her hostel block.  she enrolled herself with the admit card and reached the room which she had been allotted. When she arrived at her room ,she found that her room mate had arrived earlier and her mom was helping to unpack her things. When Diya entered the room they  acknowledged her with a smile and continued with their work. She looked at the room, it was really spacious for two. It took Diya almost an hour to arrange her luggage in place. She arranged her mini library in her shelves. She stuck few random pictures of her in the  closet doors. Those pictures kept reminding her of who she was.   She then hung up a poster of Manchester united followed by a big poster of  batman.. She arranged  her bobble head collections of Hulk, Sheldon Cooper, Barney Stinson and Sherlock. She put up a big wall hanging of Lord Krishna across her bed and stood mesmerized watching him play his flute. Her gaze was distracted when her room mate stepped to her with a wide smile on her face. Her mom had left already.

“Shabana Menon from kerala” she said

“Diya Vikraman from Coimbatore”

 “which major ?”

“History and you?”

“English Literature” she said and continued “ why history? Its the most boring thing ever. A way too much to remember”

Diya smiled and added “ Its in the way you look at it. Nothing is more fascinating than knowing our own history. Thousands of dynasties, millions of rulers, different cultures and practices: The souls in all these make a history. Its a feel not just years and events. May be you should get out of textbooks and look at it.”

“May be. so its your passion that brings you here?”

“yeah. What about you?”

“I wanted to go for Engineering but I could not score up for a scholarship. So this was my only option” and she added.

“Can I look at those pictures?” she pointed to Diya’s closet

“yeah sure”

Looking at those pictures she stood in astonishment and finally spoke

“wow. You are a biker?”

“yeah”

“you seem really different. I mean typical south Indian girl as a racer? wow it is. Tell me more about yourself.

Diya started telling about herself “ well, I’m a racer. I’m Practicing professional stunts to get into a nearby team. I’m a Guitarist in the local band. Biggest fan of football. I play almost every game on the internet and besides all this I am working for a documentary on South Indian history. To get my thesis approved I need a degree in history. so once it gets approved I would have to travel abroad and work on it.”

“woooow... you are so cool. I mean, You are so ambitious. you are far from being called a girl. ”

Diya gazed up at Shabana’s place. She found a pink Unicorn and a big fluffy pink teddy bear and posters of Disney characters and smiled.

“I hate pink. I watch football. I hate unicorns and teddy bears. I hate make overs and hair do’s . I am ambitious. This doesn’t make me any less of a girl.”

“I kind of envy you”

“hahaha! At least you had the gut to admit it. Most girls don’t . I like people who are brutally honest”

“hey, what’s that semicolon on your neck? Is it a tattoo or something?”

“yep. Most people think that its just for people who survived suicides. But no it just keeps reminding me that I survived every day. Despite every storm i have been through I have survived which makes me a survivor. It’s just a reminder that I’m a fighter”

 “Nice, Lets go get some dinner”

“yeah”

They both walked towards the dinning hall and ate in silence since they did not have nothing to discuss in common. 

Reviews

[Dipanjan Dutta]

A good continuation. However unlike the first chapter I find punctuation and spacing mistakes here. Keep note on the words that start after a full stop, the first letter should always be capital.


Also as an example to point no 2 in my comments on first chapter, I am changing your first paragraph as below. The notes to changes are given in brackets.

Diya (since it is a start to a chapter the name of the character is more suitable than just "She") dragged her luggage and lured herself into the campus which was shining with bright lights in contrast to the late evening skies. She was welcomed by chirping of birds headed back to their nest (the pace of birds is slower than darting). As she walked past the main building she found a sign board where she stopped to check her way to the hostel. As the sign board indicated she turned left from the main block, walked past the cafeteria and library and finally reached her hostel block. She enrolled herself with the admit card and reached the room allotted to her. On reaching her room, she found her room mate had arrived earlier and her mom was helping to unpack her things. When Diya entered the room they acknowledged her with a smile (grin is more of sarcasm than acknowledgement) and continued with their work. She looked at the room, it was really spacious for two. It took Diya almost an hour to arrange her luggage in place. She arranged her mini library in her shelves, stuck few random pictures of her in the closet doors that kept reminding her of who she was (Too much breaking of sentences and each one starting with She breaks the flow of the reader). She then hung a poster of Manchester United followed by a big poster of batman and arranged her bobble head collections of Hulk, Sheldon Cooper, Barney Stinson and Sherlock and put up a big wall hanging of Lord Krishna across her bed. She stood mesmerized watching him play the flute. Her gaze was distracted when her room mate stepped beside her with a broad smile on her face. Her mom had left already.


The changes are absolutely my opinion and all on you to accept it or not.

Waiting for the next chapter...

- Dipanjan

[Swathi Praveen]

Thanks a lot for ur review :D I ll try to correct myself in my upcoming writings :D

[several thousand]

You've received a lot of help already I see. These are just some things I would change...
birds flying back to *their nests
*on her shelves
*pictures of herself
(you can't survive suicide... maybe suicide attempt?)
*didn't have anything in common to discuss
There's also a fair bit of repetition but overall this story is progressing nicely. I'm interested to see how these two get on. Great work.