Loneliness

This is the story of a girl who felt alone because she didn't had friends to share her problems and when she met a boy she became happy.

There was a girl named Alice.She was living with her parents in Chicago,she was alone because she didn't have a good freind ,she always lived on her dream land .Once she had a fight with her mother and she felt so bad that she decided to leave her home forever.She went to her secret place where she always meant to go to share her problems with her Loneliness.

She began to cry.While crying she felt that there's a shrill voice telling her that "you are not alone, i am with you"when she turned she found a boy .He said that his name is Harry ,he is also lonely he didn't have freinds .He adviced Alice to went back to her house. He said "your mother was not wrong because parents always cares about their children's future.The moment when you both have fight, you just had to wait for some minute and should have think what are u doing is wrong or right""who are you and what are you doing here?"asked Alice ,he replied that"when i felt alone I always meant to come here to spend some time with myself, talking to my own, judging my mind". Alice try to judge her words and she felt guilty for her bad decision.She said "thanks so much, you are right that was a big mistake, my mom should be looking for me ". She Promised him that she would keep her friendship forever and she returned back.

Next day she usually went to her favorite place, but she didn't find that boy.She said " where is that boy, who was he ??". Then she realized that the boy she met was an angel send by god. Those who don't have any freinds, God send angels for them to banish thier LONELINESS.....

Moral:One who thinks that he/she is alone they are wrong because those who have no friends they have god.And god is always with them.

Author's Note

Please suggest me if anything is wrong .what do you think about the story....

Reviews

[7's]

magical...but isn't true...i don't see them as angels...the farther they are the better....must've read it last October

[barleygirl]

This is a great story that’s told as an allegory with a life lesson to share. I believe many people suffer from loneliness, so your story is relatable. Telling a story like this is a good way to show someone who’s lonely that he/she can live with a permanent friend – it can be an angel, or God, or a pet, or just a piece of imagination that gives hope about finding a special human friend. Your storytelling is strong, but your English is bumpy . . . making it a little hard to read. If you don’t mind, I’ll put some fixes below, if you want to improve some . . . (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

P1: she was alone because she didn’t have a good friend (“had” is wrong) . . . she felt so bad that she decided to leave her home (“left” is wrong)

P2: She began to cry. While crying she felt a shrill voice telling her, “you are not alone, I am with you.” When she turned she found a boy. He said, “my name is Harry and I am also alone because I have no friends. Please go back to your home because your mother was not wrong. Parents always care about their children’s future. When you fight, try to wait a few minutes and think about what is wrong or right.”

In the paragraph above, you mix dialogue with a DESCRIPTION of what the boy said. It would be better to just continue the boy’s conversation using dialogue all the way, which is how to SHOW instead of tell (first rule of good writing). Don’t tell us what a person has said. Instead, write it out like we are hearing the person say it.

I hope this sample helps you see how your story would be with some fixes . . .

[Taniska 😊😊]

Thanx Mam for your kind suggestions. Because of you I realize my fault . And you are just like my good advisor, thanx for correcting my mistakes. ((((Smiles ))))😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊

[Amada]

“We all are alone still we are afraid of loneliness.”

One of the irony of life.
Nic story tanu 😊😊😊

[Taniska 😊😊]

Thanx for visiting my page RB 😊😊😊

[Amada]

Always welcome

[Wyrn Tiger]

I hope you don't feel lonely now. P.S *Clapping* They total needed that. Block em or sock em and you chose sock em. I feel you here.
Your writing is wonderfull

[Taniska 😊😊]

Thanx my friend !!! And I have block em already !!!

[Wyrn Tiger]

Ummmm. I thought you blocked them.

[Taniska 😊😊]

Yes, I was trying to block them and now I had totally blocked them now they were not able to send me anything .

[Wyrn Tiger]

Okay because that was just hateful. what happen was I think I sent them the first friend request so they based their "Hate list" off my Friends list. that is most likely the resin why their after me

[The Immortal Phoenix]

(Keven) I think its f*****g trash. your the princess of trash and i just couldn't stay away from this land fill

[Taniska 😊😊]

So, you think it's trash !!! May be you should get the hell off my writings NOOOOOOOOB !!!

[Flowers of Eternity]

I think your story is wonderful!!!
Because you are right.
We are never truly alone.
We just tend to forget about Him.

[Taniska 😊😊]

Thanx for your beautiful review.😄

[Flowers of Eternity]

Your welcome!