Good to Goth: Chapter 9

Maddison’s heart raced as Mason brought in a long box wrapped in brown paper. Her new dress for her coming out party was in that box, and she had no idea what it looked like. Maddison’s grandmother took the box from Mason and rushed it to Maddison, she was apparently as excited as Maddison. She laid the box on Maddison’s lap and sat in her seat next to her granddaughter.

She looked at the brown paper, which covered a dress she had never seen before. Her fingers moved over the package slowly, stopping at the string to untie it carefully. When she finally had the paper and string removed all that was left was a plain white box to open. Maddison lifted the sides and the top came off. Inside was an elegant forest green dress. Next to the dress were a few lavender flowers with a scent that was so strong it made Maddison dizzy. She touched the lace covered bodice, and the satin ribbon that would make a chain of small X’s down the center of her torso. The skirts of the dress were real French velvet with lace and satin underskirts, the thought of wearing this dress in public both terrified and excited Maddison.

Her grandmother leaned in. “So dear, what do you think?” she asked eagerly.

Maddison looked up, words to describe what she was feeling escaped her. “I- it- it’s b-b-beautiful,” she managed to mumble. She wrapped her shaking arms around her grandmother’s neck, “Thank you so much!” she said with more stability. The box fell to the ground and the dress and the flowers were spilt on to the floor.

Mason rushed to pick them up, he delicately lifted the box and revealed brand new corset that had been hidden by the dress. Maddison reached to pick it up as red lightly colored her cheeks. Mason picked up the dress and the flowers and placed them into the box and handed it to Maddison. “Thank you,” she mumbled as Mason bowed away. She placed the corset on top of the dress this time and covered it back up with the lid of the box. She rose from the chair and curtsied to her grandmother, “Thank you very much for the beautiful dress and corset. I must get back to my studies now, but I will see you at dinner.”

Her grandmother nodded and dismissed both her and Mason with a wave of her hand, “Work hard Maddison,” was all she said.

Mason grabbed the dress box and followed behind Maddison dutifully up the stairs. Just as they started to climb the stairs, Miss Bradley came out, “Hello Maddison, is that your new dress?” she asked politely.

Maddison nodded, “Yes, Ma’am it is. Would you like to see it?”

Miss Bradley stared at the box in Mason’s hands a bit possessively, “No, that won’t be necessary. I am sure I will see it plenty at your party.” She said to Maddison rather distantly, her eyes still looking at the dress box as if it should belong to her and not Maddison.

Without another word she sighed and turned away as if the small encounter had never happened. Maddison, her euphoria still befuddling her, just shrugged and beckoned for Mason to follow her to her room.

Reviews

[VoodooWebs]

Why was she shaking and stuttering? Because she was embarrassed of throwing the dress of the floor? Explain that a bit in your story. Try to make the reader see what the surroundings look like. It's a castle; it has to be gorgeous. Describe it, describe the halls, the rooms, Maddison's suite, the grounds.
More than likely you see the story as a video inside your head as you write. It may be plainly there to you, but sometimes without descriptions and detail, it comes off as a bit hazy. Your story is a bit distanced off, like we're looking through a kaliedescope instead of feeling we are there.
Grammar, but other than that, keep going!