Good to Goth Chapter 2

 

The morning was bright, and warm; this made Maddison a little angry because she was still mourning. She was also a little flustered to find Mason sleeping in her room, but that was soon solved when the innkeeper explained that was the only room.

          The entire day passed in silence between her and Mason as the carriage bounced on to Miss Ashley’s Finishing School. She really didn’t know what to think of this school. Her mother had gone to one but she never talked about it. From what her grandmother had said it was supposed to be a very prestigious school, girls who graduate from there almost always get married. Maddison grimaced, she didn’t want somebody to marry her because a finishing school had made her desirable, she wanted somebody to love her because of her, But of course, who in London wants to marry a girl who is not properly educated in the womanly works? she thought.

          Sick of silence she turned to Mason who was quietly reading the morning paper, “Mason, if there is a Finishing school for girls, where do the boys go to?” she asked.

          Mason looked up from his paper and chuckled, “Miss I would not know for I have never been to one.”

          “Oh, why not?” she asked trying to keep a conversation going so the silence would not come back.

          Apparently getting the point, Mason put down his paper and gave her his full attention, “Because I was not born into a wealthy family like you were, Miss. I am just destined to be a butler for hire because my father was one and my mother was a maid.”

          “That doesn’t seem fair! So you can’t get married to anyone who is wealthy just because of who your parents were? That just doesn’t make any sense to me,” she replied feeling sorry that Mason would be doomed to a life of poverty.

          “That’s just the way society is Miss. It may change one day, but I don’t think that will be for a long time,” the smile on his face was forced, she could see the sadness in his eyes.

          “Mason, I know you were a butler that was hired for me by my grandmother, but you are the closest thing I have ever had to a friend. I’m sorry that society won’t let you get any higher in life, but I promise that if you promise to be my butler even after I graduate from Miss Ashley’s, I will treat you as I do now,” she said surprised that the words were out of her mouth the second she thought them. But she liked Mason, he did nothing to deserve being nothing but a temporary butler for hire. Mason stared at her for a long time, she could see the thought moving through his mind. “I know that I won’t be able to pay you for the first few months after I graduate, but please consider my offer,” she begged, “I couldn’t stand being abandoned again.”

          Mason still stared at her, he could see the hurt in her eyes that was still left over from her parents’ death and from her grandmother giving her up to a finishing school. “Alright, I promise to be your butler from now until I am too old to carry a tea tray anymore,” he declared smiling when he saw the amazing grin break out on her perfect face.

          “One more thing Mason,” she said a bit more formally.

          “Yes Miss?” he inquired

          “Would you please quit calling me ‘Miss’?” she said, “My name is Maddison and I have already given you permission to address me by that name.”

          Mason chuckled, “Only when we are in private, if I were to call you by your name in public your grandmother would fire me for sure.”

          Maddison laughed as well, it was nice to get rid of the feeling like she was going to a finishing school only to be dumped out on the streets anyways later on. She trusted that Mason would not let her down, right now he was her best and only friend.

Reviews

[VoodooWebs]

The grammar is a bit confusing at times. Somtimes you use commas instead of whatever this ( ; ) is. And maybe a little more background on the people, times, places. Detail is always good for surroundings, what people are wearing. Does a clock chime in a house, do voices sound outside the carriage? Is Mason tapping his gloved hand on his thigh as he responds to Maddison, as he tells her about his uneducated life.
One question, though. How long has Mason known Maddison? THey met during the first chapter, and now Maddison feels a friendly connection to them, as if they're best friends. It's moderately unnatural for bonds to form QUITE that quickly.
Good story line so far, though!

[Jocelyn Elizabeth]

Mmkay. The first part reads fine. The only problem I have so far, and I review as I go, is that she says Mason is the closest thing she has to a friend. I assumed they met for the first time in chapter one and she states that silence ensued for most of the journey to Miss Ashley's School. I think you need to omit that part, just to keep it realistic. Also, the dialogue needs some brushing up. (I used to be horrrrrible at dialogue and all my friends used to be like, "JOCELYN!!! WTF?! YOUR STORY IS AWSOME, BUT WHAT'S WITH THE DIALOGUE!!??" And really... they did say it like that... all caps and everything. Haha.

Oh YEAH! And if you decide to make the year 1888, you could have her looking at a headline on the front page for Jack the Ripper... because that was the year that he came out and killed five prostitutes. That would make people be like, "Wow... this writer did some hefty research." Anyway... let me give you some directions with Madison's monologue. OH! And a butler is like... a household servant. IT would be nontypical for a butler to be riding along in the carriage with a girl to school. Maybe you could have him just be a "hired hand". Wikipedia (my lifeline) states: "A butler is a senior servant in a large household. In the great houses of the past, the household was sometimes divided into departments with the butler in charge of the dining room, wine cellar, and pantries. Some also have charge of the entire parlour floor, and housekeepers caring for entire house and its appearance. Housekeepers are occasionally portrayed in literature as being the most senior staff member and as even making recommendations for the hiring of the butler."

And after he says something about his father being a butler and his mother being a maid, she goes off on some tangent about marriage, when he never brought up the subject of marriage.

Umm... dialogue.. allow me to get back on track:

Sick of silence, she turned to Mason who was quietly reading the morning paper, "Mason, if there is a Finishing school for girls, where do the boys go to?" she asked.

Mason looked up from his paper and chuckled, "Miss Madison, I would not know. I haven't been to school past my twelfth birthday."

"And why is that?" she asked trying to keep a conversation going so the silence would not come back.

Apparently getting the point, Mason put down his paper and gave her his full attention, "Unlike yourself, I wasn't born into a wealthy family. I'm destined to be a hired hand just like my father before me."

"Our society is twisted. Who gave anyone the right to classify people? It's frustrating to say the least," she replied feeling sorry that Mason would be doomed to a life of poverty.

"I won't disagree with you, Miss Madison. Some day the world could change, but I don't see it happening anytime soon." The smile on his face was forced, she could see the sadness in his eyes.

"Mason, I know you are a muscle hired by my grandma to escort me to school, but I feel a stange connection. I'm sorry that society has dealt you such a poor hand, but I propose a deal. If you promise to be my butler when I am through serving my sentence at finishing school, I will treat you with the respect of a nobleman in turn," she said surprised that the words were out of her mouth the second she thought them. But she liked Mason, he did nothing to deserve being nothing but a hired hand. Mason stared at her for a long time, she could see the thought moving through his mind. "I know that I won't be able to pay you for the first few months after I graduate, but please consider my offer," she begged, "I couldn't stand being alone."

Maybe you could have him calling her Maddy, instead of Madison or Miss. She could say something like, the people I respect call me Maddy.