Good to Goth: Chapter 6

Maddison walked slowly up the main stair case to her room, the girls all rushed around her to find a dress for dinner. Her first day had been horrible, the girls were already spreading rumors about her and Mason. If this was how young ladies were supposed to act, maybe she didn’t want to be one.

As she reached her room, the blonde girl from earlier was standing outside her door, only this time she didn’t look like she was going to be so rude to her. “Can I help you with something?” Maddison asked politely.

The girl smiled, “ I just wanted to know if Miss Bradley had fired your butler.”

Maddison rolled her eyes, “No my grandmother needs him for a few days and then he will be back,” she replied emotionless as she opened her bedroom door and stepped inside. The blonde girl followed her in, Maddison turned around and looked at her, “Is there anything else?” she asked sharply.

The girl looked a bit offended then said, “Is he courting you?”

“NO!” Maddison yelled, and then turned to her trunk to find a dress suitable for dinner.

“Okay. Well My name is Mary,” was all the blonde girl said before she turned and left the room.

Seconds later there was a knock at her door. Preparing herself to yell if it was Mary, Maddison answered the door to find Mason standing there ginning like he had just heard the whole conversation. “What?” Maddison hoped she sounded like nothing happened.

Mason shook his head, “Nothing I just wanted to let you know that I am leaving now. I’ll be back in two weeks,” he replied calmly.

Maddison’s heart fell, she had only been at Miss Ashley’s for one day and she was already expected to fend for herself in a pack of gossip hungry condors. Suddenly she remembered something and ran to her trunk again.

“Well I was really expecting a goodbye, not for you to run away from me,” Mason said slightly stepping into the room.

Maddison threw everything out of her trunk before she found a small purple velvet sachet. She held it to her nose and inhaled, the smell of roses and lavender filled Maddison’s senses. She turned to Mason and held it out to him, “ I need you to do me a very important favor,” she said formally.

Mason realizing that the small token must mean a lot to Maddison and nodded his head.

“ I need you to take this to my parents’ grave and dump this half on each,” she replied, pushing the sachet into her butler’s hand.

“Why?” he asked.

“Because my parents put this together to help me sleep when I was a baby. They would always tuck it under my pillow and tell me ‘Rest peacefully’ and then they would both give me a hug and a kiss on each cheek and my forehead,” she explained, “So I want you to soak the contents in water over night and pour it over their graves, and tell then to rest peacefully.”

Mason stared at her like she was off her rocker, and then she started to beg, “Please Mason, for me! I didn’t get to be at their funeral to do it myself, and it would mean a lot if you did it for me.”

Mason shook his head then smiled, “ I will be happy to do this for you. I will do it the moment I get to France,” he promised.

Maddison’s face lit up and she threw her arms around Mason’s torso, “Thank you so much Mason,” she mumbled into his traveling coat.

He pushed her off of him and bowed, “Please behave Miss. I will be back soon, goodnight.” With that Mason grabbed his trunk and left.

Maddison stared after him until the top of his head disappeared as the stairs got lower and lower. Sighing she turned into her bedroom and grabbed the first dress she saw thrown across her floor. She already knew that the next two weeks were going to be the hardest ever.

Author's Note

I never actually read my own writing so bare with me okay...

Reviews

[VoodooWebs]

Still there are grammatical issues, but nothing major. The same as usual, so just bear in mind what I've already explained. ^^
Maybe instead of just saying that Mason's going off, have her find a letter he recieved from her grandmother or something. It's moderately
random to just say, "Oh, Mason's going off suddenly....What? When did that happen? HOW did that happen?" O.o
Maybe you could start off your chapter with something to show there's been a time change from each chapter. A 'five hours later' mark, or say,
"The next morning/day/night/evening/twilght/etc."
For the matter of the schoolgirls...have them sneaking behind the teachers' backs, passing notes, exchanging gossip the dinner table. It's your choice;
I'm just here for the ideas.
Another good chapter, nonetheless!

[Jocelyn Elizabeth]

Haha. I am baring with you. You have so many avenues to improve, since this is just your rough draft. I'm so jealous of your options. If you need help with your second draft, let me know, and I'll help you sketch it out. A lot of times, it is better to write first and edit later. I have compulsion that doesn't allow me that luxury. Perhaps, that's why it takes me so long to write a single chapter. Anyway. A few spelling errors, but nothing big.

I think it is weird how all the girls are gosipping and what not and I feel as though I have missed a hug chuck of the story. And then I remember that your main character is only fifteen... and that is behavior expected of a bunch of fifteen year old girls. I would make your character a bit older, and remember that your story is taking place in a very strict school for girls. Have you ever read Jane Eyre? Even though it is a classic, it gives a good snapshot of what these schools were like. Very, very strict and austere.

A girl could get a stern scolding for teasing or scurryig about. They are becoming ladies. They must walk with a gracefully gait, hold their heads high, and glide across the floor. Lke a lady. Anyway... that's my input for this chapter. Like, I said, let me kno if you are interested in a co-write for the second draft.