On Moonlit Hill

Just so you know where I'll be.

 

On moonlit hill I contemplate

The whimsy of the lady, Fate.

 

In her wind I twist, I flail.

I flutter like an unbound sail.

 

On moonlit hill I sit with stars.

I plead they tell me where you are.

 

They do not speak, they do not tell.

They leave me to my mortal Hell.

 

On moonlit hill I sit alone

Awaiting love to lead me home.

 

I miss your look, I miss your touch.

I guess I loved you far too much.

 

On moonlit hill is where I'll be,

If ever you should pine for me

 

Reviews

[LisetteCanWrite!]

Short but full of emotions twisting through the rhythm and rhyme of love left to fate.. and isn't love really that way for most. I love the fact this does not sound like a desperate call to just anyone.. it felt like it was written for someone really special you are waiting for. Really great word-weaving.. with a sad but romantic movement flowing through.. awesome!

[Lisa J "The Rose&q..]

I loved this so much!! Wonderfully written with slow, poetic poise, and grace...yet so sad!

[Victoria Lee~]

This is just perfect Jerry. l love it, a very hauting albiet, beautiful piece.

[Sarah Lee Jones]

Very beautiful, this was a wonderful poem... it was simple, yet very sweet, you have a lovely style. Great work

[Debra Stevens Edwards (..]

Another extrordinary piece. I really am having a hard time with your poetry. I feel as if you tok my heart and layed it out for the world to see. These are feeling I try each day to forget or move on from. I weep for the both of us.
Debby

[Marie]

Very nice.

[Amber R. Recinos]

I this piece a lot. The structure is beautiful. I did find a couple of places where rhythm, in my opinion, was a little off, but beautiful nonetheless. I love the sentiment. Good work.

Amber

[J.Sinclair (Morrow)]

Wonderful poem

Just wanted to throw these two suggestions/ changes out:


I guess I loved you far too much

If ever should you pine for me

I like your poetry a lot. It has a certain feel to it that I like.

[Roy L. Pickering Jr.]

Simple and sweet, in structure and rhyme as well as in sentiment. We have all experienced that moment of contemplating past love, feeling alone in a vast universe, impossible to be found even if by chance the subject of our devotion was actually inclined to return it. So we sit in our allocated place of loneliness and longing, waiting for what we know will likely never be, or rather, never be again. But just in case the impossible turns out to be possible after all, we send out our personal SOS, light a bonfire with the burning in our hearts so that just in case the one we want to find us turns out to be searching after all, the path back to us will be illuminated. Nicely done.

[Jazlean]

sometimes our feelings can be summed up in one word, tonight that word is: beautiful.
well done,
~Jazlean

[Kana Renee]

"In her wind I twist, I flail.
I flutter like an unbound sail."
Aaaahhh, the tortued soul of a poet, so grande in it's simple exsistance.

As with all your work, your words are like a teacher to hearts and minds. Such intense imagry that brings the piece alive is by far your greatest strength; Not to mention your rhythmic pattern that flows your words through each readers entire being. I am truely impressed. Fantastic write!