Chapter IX

    I was standing off to the side as everyone talked in two little groups in a barren area close to Gray‘s house. Matthias, Anastasia, and Cecily were huddled together, Matthias standing suspiciously close to Cecily. From where I was standing I couldn’t hear their conversation, but I could tell by the way Matthias seemed to direct every word toward Cecily and how he kept touching her arm, that he was definitely flirting with her. Of course, Anastasia’s periodic eye rolling gave it away, too. Cecily was a pretty girl, dare I say prettier than Anastasia, so I didn’t really blame Matthias for liking her.

 

     Ander, Maddox, and Gray stood in a circle not to far from where the others stood. Surprisingly, their conversation seemed to be light-hearted. That was especially noticeable whenever Gray let out a loud, bellowing laugh. One of those laughs that seemed to come from way deep down in the belly.

 

     They had all been talking since after we introduced Anastasia and Matthias to Cecily and Gray, and when I met Maddox. He was a nice boy, quiet at first but he warmed up to us after we talked for a little bit. He was younger than Cecily by a year so he was the same age as me. I had expected him to look a lot like Cecily, but he didn’t really. Instead of fiery red hair he had thick chestnut waves that he swept to the side. Instead of light green eyes he had deep brown ones that were almost black if you looked hard enough.

 

     I had been standing with the “boys” group for a while, but my mind couldn’t focus on anything they were saying so I opted on drifting away. My mind seemed to be going in all different directions, giving me a headache. I just couldn’t get over the fact that I felt like I might miss the Inside, and how easy it was there. I wasn’t happy there, but I had what I needed and I had a future planned out for me even if it wasn’t something that I wanted. I was going to be the Queen one day, taking over the throne from my mother. I’d marry an eligible boy, and I’d always have everything I needed.

 

    I would never have to worry about deciding what I was going to do with my life, because it had already been set out for me. I didn’t have any other options there. But now it was like I had too many options. It was up to me to decide where I would be ten or fifteen year in the future. If I made a mistake, and I wasn’t happy with what I chose it would be my fault. I couldn’t blame it on my parents anymore. My future was in my hands now, and that scared me.

 

     But what scared me more was that I was even thinking about the Inside now. Did that mean that I made the wrong decision? Should I have said goodbye to my parents? No, I couldn’t have done that. It would have ruined everything, but I still felt like I might regret not letting myself see them one more time. Atleast my mom, she wasn’t all that evil. Sometimes I even think that she might have had thoughts of leaving. There was just that certain look in her eye every once in awhile. Every so often, when she looked at my father, I could see a glimmer of…was it hatred? A deep, buried away resentment that, because of him, she could never leave.

 

    Then there was the journey that awaited me. Who could know that it would turn out well? For all we knew, it could turn out terrible. Maybe Magnanimity were just like Inisde; not what they advertised themselves as. Maybe they would do just what my dad did. Not only turn us away, but kill us while they were at it. So, maybe I was thinking about worst case scenarios, but I couldn’t help it. It was possible and there was no way to stop my mind from wandering off to that part of my brain where all the scary thoughts creeped.

 

“Nyx, what are you doing over here by yourself?”

 

    I looked up to see Anastasia standing over me where I was sitting on the ground, leaning against the brick wall that marked the perimeter of the Inbetween. I scooted over so she could sit down beside me, and answered once she had.

 

“I just needed some alone time to think,” I said with a shrug of a shoulder.

 

“Oh,” she replied with an understanding nod, “Do you want me to leave?”

 

        I put my hand on her arm, stopping her from getting up. “No, I think I’ve had enough alone time. I’m starting to think too much, if you know what I mean.”

 

    “Don’t do that to yourself, Nyx. I know it’s hard to not get all worked up, but try not to. It’ll only make everything worse.”

 

     I sighed and nodded my head. I had always been a bit of a worry wart. I was always that person who decided to do something, then I’d start to think about it too much and eventually talk myself out of it.

A silence fell over us again, and I leaned my head back against the wall. My gaze fell to Ander and the smile on his face as he joked with Maddox. Gray watched them, looking like a proud father. I could only wonder if Ander was as nerve wracked as I was. He didn’t act like he was, but it was easy to cover up things on the outside whenever everything was going crazy on the inside. I should know, I’d had to do it plenty of times.

 

“You really like him, don’t you?”

 

   My eyes snapped away from Ander and over to Anastasia who watched me with a knowing smile. I tried to play it off like I was completely oblivious. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I lied, trying to hold eye contact but I couldn’t.

 

    Anastasia shook her head. “No, don’t make like you’re stupid. I’ve been watching you two today. I know you, Nyx, and I know when you have feelings for someone. I saw how touchy you guys are. You wouldn’t let Ander put his arm around you if you didn’t like him. If it was any other guy, you would’ve punched him on the spot.”

 

    How could I argue with her when she was always right? Yeah, well, I let Matthias put his arm around me,” I countered even though I knew it was a lame comeback.

 

    Anastasia rolled her eyes. “Matthias doesn’t count. Just admit it, you like him. You know, it wouldn’t be the end of the world.”

 

    I sighed, running my fingers across my knee. “I don’t even know him that well. This is only like the third time I’ve even seen him.”

 

“I don’t know why you’re denying it. You may be fooling yourself, but you aren’t fooling me.”

 

    Was I denying it? Honestly, how could I even know if I liked him? It wasn’t like I had much experience with that sort of thing. I’d only ever liked one other guy, but that was short-lived and nothing serious. Just another school girl crush that didn’t have an ounce of significance. I didn’t now why I got butterflies in my stomach whenever he smiled. I didn’t know why a burst of energy shot through me every time I caught the first glimpse of his silhouette in the dim lamppost light as he waited for me to approach.

 

     Thankfully, I didn’t have to respond to Anastasia’s last comment because all the others walked over to join us. Gray pushed in front of the teenagers. Clapping his hands together he began, “Okay, guys, sorry to interrupt your intense conversation, but we need to figure out the sleeping situation. We’ll have to get up really early tomorrow morning so we need to get to bed soon.”

 

“We only have room for one person,” Maddox informed the group.

 

   “Anastasia is staying with us,” Cecily squealed, grabbing Anastasia by the arm and pulling her up to stand with her. Anastasia smiled but cast me a sympathetic glance as she went to stand with Cecily, Matthias on the other side of her.

 

    I didn’t really mind that Cecily chose Anastasia over me. I hadn’t exactly been very friendly that day. No one wanted a distant girl to stay with them.

 

    I decided to stand up too since I felt a little strange sitting there with everyone towering over me. I squeezed in between Anastasia and Matthias, hooking my arm into the crook of his.

 

    “Matthias can stay with me,” Gray offered, punching Matthias lightly on the forearm. “If he doesn’t mind staying with an old man.”

 

Matthias chuckled and shook his head. “Sounds good.”

 

   “Alright. So, everyone has somewhere to stay. I guess that’s it then. We’ll at meet here around three o’clock tomorrow morning, right?” Ander asked, looking to Gray for conformation.

 

    Wait, wait, wait. They were leaving someone out. Me! I unhooked my arm from Matthias and raised it in the air. “Aren’t you forgetting something? You didn’t give me anywhere to stay.”

 

    Ander furrowed his eyebrows and looked at me like I was on the edge of Crazytown. “You’re staying with me, of course. I thought you’d know that.”

 

    What?! No, I didn’t know that! The idea of spending he night in Ander’s house terrified me. It was so…awkward. But Ander acted like it was so normal, and like I was crazy for thinking otherwise. Was there something going on that I wasn’t aware of? And of course Anastasia and Matthias bursting into a fit of giggles beside me didn’t make the situation any less awkward for me. As discreetly as possible, I pinched Anastasia’s arm, causing her to yelp, and I elbowed Matthias in the ribs, making him groan and grab his side in pain. So, that probably wasn’t the best way to handle things, but I am childish and therefore found putting them in pain to be the best way to shut them up.

 

    “Yeah, I knew that. It just slipped my mind.” A nervous laugh followed my lie, but I don’t think Ander noticed. He was too busy looking at us like we were nuts. Since when did spending the night with him become something I should have known? Was I missing something, or what?

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

   Laying on my back, staring up at the ceiling of Ander’s house, I decided that I was not going to get any sleep. I had been lying on Nova’s blanket and pillow with my hands folded over my stomach for almost two hours now. With nothing to distract me, my mind was free to roam, and it wasn’t roaming anywhere good.

 

“Ander,” I whisper-shouted, as I pushed myself into a sitting position.

 

   The room was pitch black but I could just barely see some movement on Ander’s side of the room. “Yeah,” I heard a scratchy, rough voice say.

 

    I bit my lip, not sure if I really wanted to ask what I was going to ask. “I know you’re sleeping, but could you talk to me for a little bit? I can’t sleep.” Gosh, I sounded like a little kid. This was the type of thing someone Nova’s age would wake someone up for.

 

    I heard the rustling of the blanket, and even though I couldn’t see, I felt his eyes on me. “Are you scared?”

 

    Yes, I was scared. I was terrified. I was about to do the most dangerous and courageous thing I’d ever do, and I was having second thoughts. I was missing something I’d always hated, and I was fighting feelings for none other than the person I was asking to talk to me. Scared was an understatement. “A little bit.”

 

    The rustle of blankets came again, but this time footsteps followed. I could hear a bit of clanging around, and then suddenly, the room was cast in a dim glow. Ander was carrying a candle in one hand, and his blanket and pillow were tucked under the other arm.

 

    He sat the candle down in front of me, and layed out his blanket and pillow beside me before settling back down onto the blanket, propping his head up with one arm.

 

The candle flickered in front of his face, making shadows dance on the walls.

 

“What are you scared of?” He asked in a soothing tone of voice.

 

I sighed loudly, pulling my legs up to my chest. “Everything.”

 

Ander nodded. “Well, that’s understandable. Don’t tell anyone, but I’m kind of scared, too.”

 

I laughed lightly. “I won’t tell anyone,” I assured him, even though I knew he was just being silly.

 

He grinned. “Good. So, do you want to talk about it or would you rather we talked about something else?”

 

    I shrugged. “Might as well talk about it now. I might not get a chance to anytime soon,” I reasoned. The next few days would undoubtedly be chaotic. There wouldn’t be many chances to just chat.

 

“Go ahead, then. Tell me what you’re scared of.”

 

    I twisted my lips to the side, trying to decided where to begin. “Well, there are quite a few things, actually. I’ll start off with the one that’s bothering me the most, I guess. So, I’ve already mentioned to you quite a few times about how much I dislike the Inside and my father. But today, when we were about to leave, I almost didn’t want to go. No matter how much I try to deny it, I think the Inside is a bit of a safety blanket for me. I know it’s a bad place, but everything was so certain there. I never had to worry about what would happen next because I knew. Now, I have no idea what the future holds. And that scares me.”

 

     Ander let out a breath and nodded his head. “Nyx, I can’t tell you what is going to happen tomorrow because I don’t know. I wish I did but I don’t. I would love to tell you that everything is going to be smooth, and that Magnanimity will listen but I can’t. What I can tell you, though, is that no matter what happens, I’ll be here. If everything goes horribly wrong, and they don’t help us, then I’ll help you make another plan. I may not know what’s going to happen in the near future, but I can tell you, without a doubt that at the end of it all, everyone will be free. One way or another, with Magnanimity’s help or without it, we’ll find a way to take down the Inside, together.”

 

    It may not have made me any less scared, but it gave me hope, Hope that in the end, it would all be worth it. “Is that a promise?”

 

He smiled, the candlelight flickering in his eyes. “The most sincere promise I’ve ever given anyone.”

 

I giggled. “That was so cheesy,” I said.

 

Ander scrunched up his nose. “It was, wasn’t it?”

 

   Another bit my lip, holding back another giggle and nodded my head. Cheesiness aside, I knew he meant it. There was something about Ander that I could just tell he wasn’t the type of person to break a promise.

His warm laugh seemed to echo off the walls. “Do you feel better now?”

 

“Yeah, I do.”

 

    “Good. Now, you need to try and get some sleep. We’ve got a long day ahead of us tomorrow, and we need to have as much energy as possible,” he instructed, but not bossily.

 

    I scoffed and rolled my eyes. “Okay, dad,” I replied sarcastically as I layed back down on my pallet, pulling the blanket up to my chin. I closed my eyes, ready to try and probably fail, to sleep again. They didn’t stay closed long, though, because just after I closed them I felt a hand smooth my hair from my forehead. My eyes quickly snapped open, and I went completely still when I saw Ander leaning over me.

 

    This was the closest I’d ever been to him, too close for comfort. His emerald eyes seemed to bore into mine. In reality, though, he probably wasn’t looking at me with that much intensity. My brain tends to over exaggerate.

 

    That wasn’t the worst of it, though. His face was suddenly moving closer to mine, and I went into full out panic mode. Much to my relief, though, his lips met my forehead, warm against my skin. A quick peck on the forehead was all it was, so why did it mean so much more to me?

 

He rolled back over onto his pallet, his back turned from me. “Goodnight, Nyx,” he murmured.

 

   My eyes stayed fixed on the back of his head. I didn’t reply, but I don’t think he even noticed. There was no way I was going to sleep. Not when I could still feel his lips on my forehead and his hand in my hair. Not when I saw his face whenever I tried to close my eyes.

Reviews

[Sophie]

You're such a tease! I was completely fangirling in my chair and they didn't even kiss!
What is wrong with you?!!??

[Lydia]

Mwahaha! You'll just have to wait!

[Sophie]

but

but

*whines* that's not faaaaaiiir!

[Lydia]

Sorry! Just wait until we get more into the book. Then you'll really think some things aren't fair.

[Sophie]

ok, that is SOOOOO not reassuring.

[Lydia]

I know.

[Michael Thrower]

What do you mean by fangirling? O.o

[Lydia]

Definition of Fangirling- the reaction a fangirl has to any mention or sighting of the object of her "affection". These reactions include shortness of breath, fainting, highpitched noises, shaking, fierce head shaking as if in the midst of a seizure, etc.

[Michael Thrower]

Is that from Urban Dictionary?

[Lydia]

Yepperz!

[Michael Thrower]

xD Awesome

[Lydia]

Yes it 'tis! :)

[Anonymous Girl]

I agree with Krista!!
Maan this is soo good...!!! Haven't got words to say!!
100/100

[Krista Weiss]

Ahhh!!! Ohh my gosh this is soo freaking adorable!! I'm having like a spaz attack right now!! I just can't wait for them to be together!!! < 33333 And I can't wait for the next chapter!! :)

[Dark and Mysterious]

OMG!!! I'm holding my breath and I don't even know why! That was great as always. Waiting for the next one. You're seriously awesome!!