Bleeding

Rippling strength flows
Pouring from his bleeding heart
Blood drips from merciless blows
As he loses his sacred part

His life, his ruby river
Mixing with dripping drops of tears
Combines to form a shiver
As he struggles past sadness to peer

His feather pen dips deep
Into his blood horn of bleeding ink
He writes one last thing to keep
So he can die with hope and sink.

His last breath blows through him
His pen writes the words he seeks
The words appear as his eyes dim
"I love you still" with his last peek.

Reviews

[Taja B.]

I really like this poem. This is sorta like something I wrote last august, but this poem is so much better than the poem I wrote then!!!lol...Well I thought this was a very nice poem and I could definitely relate to it in real life because I was going through the same situation for months!!! And I think I'm sorta going through that situation right now!!lol...
Nice poem!!!

[Maria Retz]

Well written and strong emotions.

Good flow and rhyming

It was a pleasure reading it

[Knij Nagili]

this is awesome........

right on,dude!

[Dillon Monroe]

This is a wonderful poem. Your work always is good and I must say this is great. Splendid. I love the touch of how even in despair he still loves her. Great job.

[Ice QueenJen]

sometimes I feel like doing this, but I love life and him to much to let it be the last time. Yet I liked how you worded this and its meaning behind it.

[{Angel Redd}[Formerly A..]

This was very good, although i agree that you maybe should think about changing the last line. Great piece, though!

[Camoens, The Shadow-fir..]

Good job, I liked it, and if my review hadn't been wiped, I'd have more to say, but I'll settle with one or two small things...

one is "Bleeding ink" I think you wanted "Bloodied ink" being ink, it doesn't bleed. it doesn't make sense.

Second is at the very end, saying he did it with his last peek seems not to match the rest of the poem, so my thought was you could change it to something like

""I love you still" The words he couldn't speak"

Good write.

Sincerely from the darkness,
The Shadow-fire Poet

[David P. Eckert]

The drama of love lost, through break-up or death, is so well described in this sad story. My favorite image was the following one:

His feather pen dips deep
Into his blood horn of bleeding ink

David

[Gandré]

"His life, his ruby river " ====>>>>>>my favorite line. What a message, what an image!

I don't know who it is you write about, you lost father or a partner....it is painted with bright colors, they reached my heart.

bravo!

[Toni Odell]

Deeply emotional and touching. Filled with darkness and sadness, but so affective. That last stanza could invoke tears! A great read.