3.Feelings of Uncertainty

Chrissy is worried about being a parent.

It was Friday night and Chrissy couldn't sleep. She lay on her back and stared into the darkness of their bedroom. Ian was snoring softly beside her. That's not what kept her awake, though. His snoring usually didn't bother her. In fact, she found it oddly comforting at times. And if his snoring got too loud, she would simply elbow him sharply until he rolled over and quit.

She couldn't sleep because her brain wouldn't settle down. It had been an incredible week, starting with Emily running away from her foster home and ending with her moving in with them as their foster daughter. Chrissy still couldn't believe they had been approved! Ian called her at work on Wednesday to say that Carla Lopez had called him with the good news. Chrissy was stunned! They both left their jobs early and hurried down to Children's Services. There they sat at a table in a small conference room while Lopez had them sign papers and went over final instructions with them.

When they were nearly done, Lopez leaned across the table and shook her finger in Chrissy's face. “Now you listen to me, young lady!” she said sharply, “I'm putting my job of eighteen years on the line with this decision! But that's not important! The important thing is what's best for that child, and the two of you seem to have formed some sort of a bond, so I'm going with my instincts on it. But understand this! I can, and will, stop by that apartment anytime of the day or night unannounced to see how things are, and I can yank that little girl out of there on nothing more than a whim if I feel like it! Understand?!”

Ian had discreetly reached over and held Chrissy's hand while Lopez made her little speech. He knew that Chrissy's usual reaction to someone shaking their finger in her face was to slap the finger away followed by slapping the face of its owner. But he needn't have worried. Chrissy just looked down at the table and said quietly, “Yes, Ma'am. I know. I understand. Yes, Ma'am.”

When she was done, Lopez leaned back in her chair and said with a rueful smile, “I'll say one thing. Once I sign Emily over to you she'll be the safest child in the city. I pity anybody that tries to harm that little girl with you nearby.”

Ian chuckled at that, but Chrissy continued staring at the table and remained silent.

They still couldn't bring Emily home until they had set up her bedroom, though. So they went out that evening and purchased a bed with a matching dresser, and a small desk. They moved their exercise equipment out of the spare bedroom into their own and Ian removed his art books from the bookshelves and took them to his studio.

Lopez brought Emily over, inspected the bedroom, and pronounced it acceptable. Emily's belongings were brought inside in plastic garbage bags and Chrissy helped her put everything away in the dresser and closet.

It was their first night with Emily. All of those things and more were racing through Chrissy's brain, keeping her awake. She worried that she wouldn't be a good foster mother for Emily, that Lopez had been right to doubt her. This was going to be a much bigger responsibility than just playing 'big sister' to the kid. She was glad Ian had already been through it all before with his daughter, Carey.

She decided to sneak over and check on Emily. She slipped out of bed and quietly walked across the hall and stuck her head in through Emily's door. She heard the sound of soft sobbing coming from Emily's bed. She entered the room and crossed over to her bedside by the glow of the night light.

“Emily, what's wrong?” she asked, “Why are you crying?” Geez, did she always sound that stern?

“I don't know.” Emily answered between sobs.

Chrissy sat on the edge of the bed. “Did you have a bad dream?”

“No.” she sniffled.

“Are you scared?”

“Not really.”

Damn! Why couldn't the kid just tell her what's wrong? She wasn't any good at this 'mothering' stuff. Maybe she should go get Ian. No! Think for a minute! The poor kid doesn't have any family, no friends to speak of. She's been shuttled from foster home to foster home. “Do you think maybe you're... lonely?” Chrissy asked her.

After a few moments of silence, she barely heard Emily whisper, “I guess so.”

“Yeah, I guess I know all about that.” Chrissy responded, “I've seen some pretty lonely times myself, though it's been better since I met Ian. All right, scoot over.” She pulled the covers down and slid into bed with her. Emily immediately snuggled up against her and buried her face in Chrissy's shoulder. “Now, we're not going to make a habit out of this.” Chrissy said sternly, “I already have a sleeping partner. Got it?” Emily nodded without lifting her face from Chrissy's shoulder. “But... well, if you ever get lonely again, or have a bad dream or something, you come and get me. Don't just lie here crying in the dark. Okay?” Emily nodded again.

Chrissy tentatively brought her hand up and stroked Emily's hair. Within minutes the child was asleep. Chrissy was feeling rather proud of herself. Her first crisis as a foster parent and she'd handled it pretty well. Maybe this 'mothering' stuff wasn't so hard after all.

If she only knew!

Reviews

[John Lauterbach]

I liked the chapter overall, but I wish there was tension with the approval of the adoption. From the last chapter, Chrissy was so worried about it and then it just happens.

Sleeping with Emily picked at a rare heart-string with me. Fantastic scene, and a great delve into Chrissy's soft side.

[Craig2591]

I'm glad you liked that part. Chrissy is showing a rarely seen tender side but still being a little hard - "I already have a sleeping partner. Got it?" It's a tough balance to write about.

[E]

hahahah oh dear me the snoring! I'm the same with my bf, his snores actually lull me to sleep, but when its too intense a little kick or elbow and hell roll over and itll stop.

[Craig2591]

Tiny details that add a touch of realism. Thanks for the review.

[Tina Kline]

Very moving chapter. If only things could be that easy!

[Faith]

Sweet! or onto the next...to find out!